


Premonition

by Nerd_Mom_Writer



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 64,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd_Mom_Writer/pseuds/Nerd_Mom_Writer
Summary: Kylo Ren keeps having visions of Rey dying. He's still mad she left him, but he decides to go undercover to prevent the vision from happening. However, he isn't fooling Rey or Leia one bit with his act. Reylo. Post-TLJ.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I generally try to stay in-character, but I'm making an exception for Hux because it's more fun that way. Hope you enjoy the story.

“Supreme Leader?” 

Kylo Ren gazed out at the stars and wished again for them to burn out that image of Rey shutting the door on him. Not once since he left home had he dared hope that someone might put him first. And then Rey had happened. He had hoped to teach her, of course. She had been powerful and painfully naive to the ways of the force. She needed help, and though they were on opposite sides of a war, he had been willing to help her.

However, he wasn't the one who focused on them in any other sense. It was Rey who kept trying to determine his character. It was Rey who wanted to know the truth of him. It was Rey who confided her fears in him. 

It was Rey who reached out first.

Kylo gripped his fist hard enough to hurt, relishing the physical distraction from the fractures in his heart. The man in front of him frowned, and Kylo forced himself to focus. “What is it, Lieutenant Port?”

“The search for the Resistance remnants has been narrowed to the Corel star system. Unfortunately, the trail goes cold there. We believe they must be planetside, but which planet is unknown.”

Finally. It had been a week since they lost track of the Resistance on Crait. He would not rest well until this last threat to his heart was eradicated. “Set coordinates for the Corel System. Corellia, perhaps.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” the man said. He bowed and left promptly.

Kylo sighed deeply. He was one step closer to closing that foolish chapter of his life. Just a little longer left…

“Ren, you still intend to eradicate them?” 

Kylo jerked his head towards Hux, whom he had forgotten was standing behind him on the bridge. “Do you wish to offer them peace, Hux?”

Kylo's redheaded man eyed him in a way that made him feel entirely too vulnerable. He knew Hux must be thinking of the vision Kylo had. Hux had walked into the throne as it took hold and unfortunately learned of several things he should not. However, the general had been remarkably helpful despite his former animosity, and Kylo found he was not ready to lose Hux’s help in leading the First Order. Why the man bothered to help him, however, he couldn't fathom.

Hux calmly shook his head. “No need for that. However, taking them prisoner would gain us valuable information and discourage sympathetic parties from retaliating.”

“Hostages,” Kylo said, understanding Hux's line of reasoning. “And no other reason?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at Hux.

Hux met his gaze evenly. “That would be for you to decide, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo nodded carefully. Hux was entirely too clever, and yet, Hux was not wrong. Hostages would be a viable explanation were he to spare their lives… but he had no need. He would hurt less once they were gone.

He opened his lips to respond when Hux's brilliant red hair faded to grey along with everything else. His eyes widened, and he saw Hux shout something to the bridge before stepping in, reaching an arm around Kylo's back, and helping brace Kylo up.

Another vision was coming.

Kylo could barely control his steps as they hurried off the bridge. Another officer stepped up and supported Kylo's other side. Everything swam before his eyes as Hux found a supply closet and pulled him in there along with the other officer. Hux pulled out his blaster, and Kylo wondered briefly is this was finally his end when Hux shot the officer.

Everything went black.

He hated this vision.

Every moment of it rubbed in what he would never have. He saw Rey's delight at an unfamiliar world filled with wooded peaks and waterfalls. His mother's affection for the young woman. The loyalty of those who did not live in fear. It was so beautiful he hated it, and yet, like every time, he held out his hand and screamed in anguish when he saw Rey startle and fall down a cliff, as if he could save her.

The vision ended abruptly, and like every other time, he was caked in sweat. 

“We really need to find a better way to manage that,” Hux said, crouched over him and looking down at him.

Kylo hastily sat up and discovered the dead body of the officer who had helped next to them. “You killed him.”

Hux frowned. “Yes. Unfortunately necessary, given that we cannot afford witnesses. You scream for her every time. They would figure out you care for her, just as I did.”

“Cared,” Kylo growled, emphasizing the past tense. “She's nothing to me now.”

Hux raised an eyebrow and gave the dead man next to them a significant glance. “Clearly.”

Kylo stood up, and Hux stood with him. “We'll need to dispose of the body. What do we say for his cause of death?”

“Killed by you in a fit of rage, I presume,” Hux said.

Kylo frowned at him. “For all the times I have lost my temper, I have yet to actually kill someone in the First Order in a fit of rage.”

“Not even Snoke?” Hux asked.

Kylo felt his mouth curl up into a wicked smile. So Hux suspected. Good, Kylo might have reason to kill him after all. “No, his death was cool calculation.”

Hux chuckled, and Kylo's smile fell. “Bastard deserved it in any case. What about the guard? Self-defense after?”

Kylo nodded, wondering why he was suddenly having this strange heart-to-heart with Hux. “What are you planning, Hux?”

Hux smiled serenely. “For the First Order to reign supreme. Preferably with me at its head, but it came to my attention that I am not well-respected by many other officers, and so I would not maintain my power without someone more powerful ensuring my position.”

“And you're telling me this because..?”

“Because I know you still need me as well to help you navigate your new position as Supreme Leader. I don't care that you killed Snoke. I don't care that you care for the girl, but I do need your help, and you need mine, which means we cannot have you falling apart screaming for the scavenger on the bridge. So tell me, what are these fits and how do I help you?”

Kylo Ren stared at the man he had considered his enemy for so many years. Hux was a clever bastard. Yet, Kylo could find no fault with Hux's suggestion, except that he fully intended to kill Hux the moment Hux ceased to be useful. Of course, Kylo had no doubt this plan was mutual. The only real question is which ceased to be useful first. 

However, Kylo did not know what could be done. “They're visions. Through the force. Of the future, I expect.”

“Is there a pattern to when they occur? Some preceding element in common? Perhaps thinking of her or some other event?”

Kylo Ren frowned. He had been thinking of her each time, but he was always thinking of her, despite his best efforts not to. Still, the visions did not always happen. “Perhaps when I have focused on eliminating them.”

“Eliminating her,” Hux said.

Kylo merely looked at him. He did not know if Hux were harassing him or clarifying his words.

Hux sighed. “We can destroy the Resistance easily once we find them. Let's focus on finding them for now, and we'll sort what to do after.”

“You're not the Supreme Leader, Hux,” Kylo muttered.

Hux shrugged. “The force makes you pass out every time you think about killing her, apparently. Do you have a better idea?”

He didn't. 

“Indulge me. What's the deal with the force, anyway? Why would it keep showing you this vision? What happens in it?”

Kylo glared, considering keeping his silence,and then deciding not to. Perhaps speaking of it would break the spell over him. “The vision shows her falling off a cliff, presumably to her death. I expect the force intends for me to intervene somehow.”

Hux furrowed his brows. “For what purpose? To save her?”

Kylo shrugged. “That would be the obvious conclusion.”

“Why?”

That was the real question. “I don't know.”

Hux looked at him thoughtfully. “You know, that's something I never understood. You, Snoke, this scavenger girl, the legendary Skywalker… you all use this force to guide and empower you. What is its purpose?”

Kylo sighed. “I don't know. I was taught that the force is the energy between all things, but there's some aspect of it that is sentient enough to send pressing visions. It brought Rey to me on the Supremacy.” Of course, Snoke had claimed to be the master of their connection. Kylo had not seen her since the bond with the Falcon. He hoped that meant whatever Snoke had done was now gone.

Hux nodded. “So an unknown entity, yet it wants you to save Rey. Is it possible she's doing this to you?”

“I would know,” Kylo said, more out of recognition she wouldn't be so devious than any real trust of his ability to know a vision’s source.

“Let's hope so. I'll announce this man was shot for insubordination and take care of the mess. Carry on.”

Kylo frowned at Hux.

“Ah yes, with your permission, Supreme Leader, I would like to manage this unfortunate incident without disturbing you with the details. Is that the deference you desire, Ren?”

Cocky bastard. Kylo rolled his eyes and left without another word.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo Ren stayed in his chambers during the trip to the Corellian system. Hux's suggestion that he had been inadvertently bringing on the vision when he thought of killing Rey had merit, and he intended to discover if it were valid.

He had wished to explore the bond in this way too. He could still remember the touch of her fingers against his.

His vision swam, and he was somewhere else. Not the cliff this time, but inside an old ship’s innards. A short woman with dark hair pulled into a messy ponytail and grease-smeared overalls stood before him, working on some old pipes and explaining the importance of each to him. He had glasses on for some reason, and blond hair curled down his forehead, partially blocking his vision. In the back of his mind, he could feel that Rey and his mother were near, and they were both furious with him.

“Matt, are you even paying attention?” the woman asked him.

The vision ended, and Kylo Ren inhaled sharply. What was that?

He wrote down the vision details and that he had been thinking of how her hand had felt when it occurred. 

Then he forced himself to think on her touch again.

The vision repeated itself, and he absorbed different details. The woman before him had a peculiar necklace on. Rey and his mother were angry with him, but also fearful of something in the atmosphere. Rey was afraid for the woman with him too, but his mother held a sliver of hope still for him.

The vision ended, and Kylo Ren frowned.

It was clear from the vision that he had adopted some bizarre disguise and become this Matt that the girl addressed, and yet Rey and his mother had known the truth. Why had they not revealed him then?

He initiated the vision again.

Ah, the fear of something from space. The girl before him shared no such fear. Only his mother and Rey, so he was threatening them somehow.

His com beeped, and Kylo answered it to hear Hux. 

“Ren, we have left hyperspace, and we have the location of the Resistance. It appears they have grown bold in their desperation for more help. There are notices for everything from requests for donations to employment listings for a radar technician,” Hux said.

“Radar technician?” Kylo said. He thought back on the vision. It seemed very fitting for the role Matt would play. “Hux, come to me immediately. I have a plan.”

Hux signed off, and Kylo grimaced at what Hux's reaction would be. The force must have some bizarre sense of humor to suggest this future for him. Still, he trusted it. The force had saved his life that night Skywalker had tried to kill him.

Hux was there within 5 minutes. “What is it?” Hux asked.

“I've had another vision, repeatedly,” Kylo said. He watched the interest grow in Hux's eyes. “You will get your wish to lead the First Order for a time, it seems. I must go undercover into the Resistance to see things through.”

“Oh?” Hux said, though the barely restrained grin betrayed his enthusiasm for the role. 

“I will require a fake pair of glasses, a messy and short blond wig, a gray jumpsuit, and an orange utility vest.”

Hux's face twisted with incredulity. “You saw this in a vision?”

Kylo sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. You can get what I need, correct?”

“Of course. Anything else?”

Kylo nodded. “We will stay within range, but out of sight, of their new base with lasers ready to target them at my word. My disguise won't fool my mother or the scavenger, but a threat will keep them quiet.”

Hux raised an eyebrow at that. “I'm surprised you're trusting me not to blow you out of the sky.”

Kylo was too, but he knew from the force that this was the correct plan of action for… whatever it had in mind. Furthermore, Hux could have killed him easily during the vision if Hux wanted him dead. It was strange, trusting Hux.

“Anything else?” Hux asked after Kylo didn't respond. 

“That listing for a radar technician? Send in an application from a Matt for me.”

Hux frowned. “Does Matt have a last name?”

Kylo shook his head. “Just make up something that doesn't tie back to my identity or the First Order.”

“Understood,” Hux said.

A few hours later, Kylo was studying his new look in the mirror of a small pub refresher near the shipyard where the Falcon had set down. 

The face that looked back at him was his, but between the blond wig, large glasses, and unfamiliar outfit he looked nothing like himself, and his own dumbfounded shock made him look stupid and incapable, which he supposed worked for his disguise: Matt Dumbsky. He should have known better than to let Hux pick his last name.

Kylo sighed and left the refresher for the ship, where a Rose Tico was waiting to interview him.

He recognized Rose immediately as the woman who called him Matt in his vision, though her hair was down and her jumpsuit clean. “Hi!” she said in a cheerful voice. “You must be Matt. Welcome! I know the weather is beautiful today, but let's go aboard the Falcon here for the interview. I can introduce you that way.”

Kylo looked up at the ship that was rightfully his and kept his silence. He did not trust himself to say anything. At least he knew from his earlier scan that Rey and his mother were nowhere near.

He followed Rose aboard and sat down on the lounge bench when directed. He couldn't help let his gaze wander the space. He had briefly examined the ship's interior when it had landed on Starkiller Base, but that was,an age ago, before he quite understood Rey's significance.

“Impressive, isn't it? This ship was built over 30 years ago and has definitely seen better days, but it flies like the best of them,” Rose said. “So, Matt, you're a radar technician looking for work?”

Kylo looked at her. “I don't have much experience. I was hoping for on-the-job training.”

Rose’s smile faltered.

“I'll work for free,” Kylo added.

Rose’s smile picked right back up along with some avid curiosity. “Why?” she asked.

Kylo studied her. He could do a mind trick, but he wanted to test his ability to act. He lowered his voice and looked her in the eye. “You're with the Resistance, right? I saw the recruitment posters. You're desperate for help. I want to be a part of things,” Kylo said. A series of truths that would lead to an incorrect conclusion. His motivation for being a part of things had nothing to do with helping the Resistance.

Rose’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Welcome aboard, Matt. You're hired. Finn! Chewie! Come out here!”

Kylo flinched and forced himself to be absolutely still. He had forgotten completely that Uncle Chewie would be where the Falcon was. Would Chewie recognize him? He had been a kid the last time the wookie had been in close quarters with him. 

Chewie and FN-2187 walked into the lounge, and Kylo nearly groaned. He had also forgotten the stormtrooper was with them.

“Oh, hey man. Welcome aboard,” FN-2187 said, nervously glancing between him and Rose. Kylo frowned. Did the traitor recognize him despite the mask? 

Chewie mewled a standard greeting and then asked Rose when they would join the rest of the Resistance for dinner. Kylo relaxed a little, though he felt some disappointment at not being recognized.

“What?” Rose asked.

“I think he's asking if blondie here really knows enough to be a good radar technician,” FN-2187 said.

Chewie growled at Finn with some unpleasant words, and Kylo's jaw dropped. Did neither of these two speak Wookie?

“He's asking when you will be leaving for dinner,” Kylo translated, deciding to increase his value to them since Chewie didn't recognize him anyway.

Chewie nodded, sat down next to Kylo, and put his arm around his shoulders in a friendly way, yet Kylo could hardly breathe. He knew exactly how strong his Uncle Chewie was. Chewie spoke to him some more, offering his thanks for translating and complaining at how few people understood Wookie within the Resistance. If Kylo understood him correctly, he was the only one besides Leia, Rey, and Poe.

“If we're done here, we can head right on over,” Rose said. “Do you have any questions, Matt?”

Kylo shook his head. If dinner was with the Resistance, his mother and Rey would be there, and he was ready to get this over with.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo felt the presence of Rey and his mother well before the speeder they used arrived at the second ship, which was kept in a different shipyard for security reasons, according to Finn.

“You see, we're a pretty big deal here in the Resistance, and we don't want our entire forces wiped out in an air raid, so we have them scattered across different shipyards around the planet. Still, we meet up here for dinners because this ship has the best kitchen and cook,” Finn explained.

This ship, apparently, was a medical frigate, and both Rey and Leia were standing outside it when they arrived. As Kylo had noted through the force well before they arrived, they had noticed his presence and neither of them were happy to see him. However, his disguise was clearly unexpected, and Kylo offered a wry grin at the open shock emanating from both of them at his appearance when the speeder stopped in front of them. His mother, at least, was doing a proper job hiding most of her surprise from her face. Rey, however, would catch a lot of flies if she kept her mouth open like that.

Chewie immediately hopped off in the direction of the food, giving Leia and Rey a friendly wave as he passed them by. “I didn’t expect you two to be waiting for us. Did Chewie radio ahead? We have our new radar technician,” Rose announced. “This is Matt. He needs some training, but he'll work for free!”

“Rey, what's wrong?” Finn asked.

Rey closed her mouth and looked to Finn. She pointed a finger at Kylo. “That's--”

Kylo sighed. _My Star Destroyer is in orbit above your pitiful Resistance. Should I give them your coordinates?_ Kylo thought to Rey before she could give him away.

Rey took a step back, as if stung.

 _Why are you here?_ Rey thought back.

Why, indeed. He thought to where his lightsaber was hidden in his utility vest and how easy it would be to pull it out now and… but he could not afford to risk that vision right now.

 _The force compels me._ He responded. Rey's eyes widened at that, and he watched her exchange an uneasy glance with his mother. If he had to guess, Rey was relaying what he had told her via the force.

“Hello, Rey? General, what's wrong with her?” Finn asked. Next to him, Rose shrugged.

The general looked sharply at Kylo, then turned to face Rose. “Thank you for taking care of finding a new radar technician, Rose. If you don't mind, I would like to borrow… Matt, was it? I would like to ask how we might help him be more comfortable.”

“No one ever asked me how to make me more comfortable when I joined,” Finn complained.

“My sincerest apologies, Finn. I'll make the time to discuss your needs later this evening,” General Organa said. “For now, I'm sure you and Rose are hungry, so why don't you go ahead while Rey and I speak to Matt?”

“Of course. Come on, Finn,” Rose said, and pulled a still defiant Finn along with her.

Kylo looked between the scavenger and his mother as the others disappeared. Rey hadn't changed much since he last saw her. New clothes and a new weird hairstyle, but that was it. His mother, however, he had not seen in person in years. He studied the wrinkles of her face and hands, the gray in her hair, the added weight to her once slender figure. It was strange, seeing her so diminished, but he recognized the fire in her eyes when she turned to speak to him.

“Ben, tell me. Why are you here? And why in that disguise? It is a good one. I'm not sure I would have recognized you without the force to aid me.” his mother asked.

Kylo frowned. Though he knew he would have to face her, he hadn't actually thought about what he might say.

“He said that the force compelled him to be here, and that there is a Star Destroyer in orbit ready to fire at his order,” Rey said.

“So you told me,” his mother acknowledged. “Is this true, Ben?”

Kylo suppressed an urge to roll his eyes. How many times had his mother confronted him on rumors of his doings, always wanting to hear his version of the story in the vain hope he might provide some happy insight for his motivations. “You have nothing to fear so long as you play along with my Matt disguise.” For now.

“You still have good in you, don't you?” his mother said. “Rey had told me she felt your conflict. I hadn't believed it possible, yet you're here to--”

“I ordered for everyone in the Resistance on Crait to be killed. No exceptions. No quarter. I wanted you all dead then, and that hasn't changed.”

Both women flinched, and his mother's eyes watered. Kylo felt pain in his own heart at the sight and hated it. The sooner this was done, the sooner he would never have to feel again.

“Then why..?” his mother asked.

“It doesn't matter, General,” Rey said. “It's like I told you. What light he had is gone now. Ben, we have your word that you won't attack the Resistance if we don't reveal your identity?”

Kylo gazed at the woman he had been willing to share the galaxy with a few weeks ago. He still found her attractive even when she was glaring at him. He hated it and hated her for it. “You do, not that you have a choice.”

Rey frowned. “No, I suppose we don't. Come on, General, let's go join the others for dinner. Matt doesn't need us.”

His mother looked stricken, but she allowed Rey to take her elbow and lead her back to the ship. Kylo took a moment to shove away his own pain at feeling their disappointment before he followed them inside and to the ship galley.

Once inside, Kylo stared at the chaos in some confusion. There were dozens of tables filled with all sorts of life, human, humanoid, and otherwise, all eating the same selection of food. He got in line and grabbed a tray of food, then studied the mess before him, looking for an empty table so he could eat in peace and solitude.

There were no empty tables.

He studied his options, noting that Rose was with Finn and that pilot Kylo had captured on Jakku--Poe Dameron. Chewie, however, sat alone at another table. Of course, Kylo could try sitting with a total stranger, but he suspected Chewbacca would be less likely to expect him to talk. He had just decided to join Chewie when he felt Rey’s presence behind him.

“You're coming with me,” Rey said. “We need to talk.”

“I'm not, and we don't,” Kylo countered, though his traitor heart was thrilled that she sought him out, whatever the reason. She had fooled him once. She would not fool him twice. His heart would get over its excitement without giving in.

“You will come with me and speak to me,” Rey said, and Kylo felt the brush of the force over his mind.

Fine. He could play along if she was so determined. After all, he would need to be close enough to her to prevent the vision. “I will come with you and speak to you,” he said, mimicking someone under her control.

He felt Rey's relief and guilt hit him at once, and he nearly rolled his eyes. She had no business feeling guilty for such a small thing after leading him on so indecorously.

Rey led him out of the galley and to a small bedroom down the hall that contained little more than a twin bed and a small cabinet. “Sorry, it’s the only place I know we’ll have privacy. Go ahead and sit down if you like,” she said. Kylo sat down on the small bed but remained mute, keeping up the act. “Oh, that's right. Umm… how do I release someone from a force suggestion?”

“Telling them to carry on as usual is what Luke recommended to me,” Kylo said, unable to resist the teaching moment.

Rey yelped and stepped back before recovering. “The force suggestion didn't work on you at all, did it?”

Kylo shook his head and studied her. Why did the force have to draw him back to her? Her new hairstyle was even more bizarre than the first one he had seen. Instead of three buns going down the back of her head, she had four loose buns evenly spaced over her head, almost like the wings of an x-wing poking out slightly behind and above her ears. Still, he felt drawn to her.

“Is that comfortable?” he asked her.

“What?” Rey asked.

“Your hair. Mother at least had the sense to stick with hairstyles that would not bounce when she moved.”

Rey frowned at him. “They're comfortable enough. We can't all have hair long enough to wrap it tight and still be pretty.”

She was pretty, but it annoyed him that she cared. “I didn't think vanity was becoming of a jedi knight,” Kylo jabbed.

Rey glared at him. “So did you hunt the Resistance down, join us in disguise, and threaten us with an orbital strike just to make fun of me?”

“Tempting as it might be, no,” Kylo said.

“What is it, then? The lightsaber? We both know it's broken. The crystal split in two.”

He had actually forgotten about his grandfather’s lightsaber. However, now that she mentioned it, he should make a point to reclaim the pieces before he left them. “Not that either.”

Rey screwed her face up in frustration. “Then why? You didn’t need to infiltrate us to kill me.”

“It’s as I said. The force compels me to be here.”

Rey stared at him with a raised eyebrow. “The force compelled you to wear a blond wig and fake glasses, call yourself Matt, and volunteer to be our radar technician?”

Kylo ground his teeth together. “Unfortunately, yes.” How many times would he have to answer that question?

“That can’t be all there is to it,” Rey said. Her eyes widened. “Wait, did the First Order kick you out? Who’s in charge up there?”

“Hux, under my orders,” Kylo said simply. “He knows what’s going on and is working with me, not against me.”

“So if I want the truth of why you’re here, I should scan his mind?” Rey asked.

“Can you do that from this distance?” Kylo asked, genuinely curious. He had trouble scanning minds from just a few feet away.

Rey shrugged as if she had never considered it. Knowing her, she hadn’t. “Why not just tell me?”

“We’re not allies in this,” he said. Rey stared at him expectantly. “You’ll get the wrong idea.” Rey waited patiently, and Kylo sighed. Well, it was her own fault if she got confused. “I’ve had two recurring force visions. In one, I see myself dressed as Matt the radar technician and working for Rose Tico. In the other, I see you fall off a cliff in a situation where the others could not save you, but perhaps someone with the force could.”

Rey remained silent, but he could feel hope blossom within her, and it was all wrong.

“No. Don’t hope. Stop that. Stop hoping! I’m not here because I want to save you,” he said.

Rey shook her head. “You just told me you--”

“I don’t! I’m done with you. I want you to die, but the vision happens every time I…” he paused, feeling the beginning of the vision sweep over him as the colors faded from the room. “No, stop!”

And he was back on that cliff. This time, he noticed that Rey’s friends included both Rose and Finn. Kylo was watching this from some distance away, as if he were intentionally excluded and unwanted. Rey was near the cliff, and he cried out when she startled and fell.

He came too still screaming for her, and there she was, living and breathing before him, looking at him with shock and concern. She was sitting down beside him on the bed, her hand caressing the side of his face. “Ben?” Rey asked.

Kylo jerked away from her, rolling off the bed into a crouch on the floor. “Don't touch me!” he roared.

“You were screaming my name,” Rey said as if that explained everything. “You were calling for me like you… like you still cared for me.”

“I don’t!” Kylo said in a panic, but he could tell Rey wasn’t buying it. “I don’t,” he said, more to himself than her, and he leaped over the bed and darted out of her room, breathless from fear. “I don’t. I don’t. I can’t!”

“You can’t what?” Rose asked. “Oh, sorry for startling you, Matt. I was looking for you, and the General said she had seen you leave the galley with Rey. I still need to show you where you’re sleeping, right?”

“Right,” he said, trying to calm his thoughts without pulling out his lightsaber to destroy everything in sight as he usually did.

“Did you have a good dinner with Rey?” Rose asked.

“Umm,” he said. He had forgotten all about it. His meal must still be in Rey’s room. “Uh…”

Rose smiled brightly at him. “Hey, no need to be shy about it. I get it. She’s pretty and powerful, and you’re…” Rose scanned him briefly and wrinkled her nose with a slight frown. “Anyway, she’s never shown interest in anyone else here like that, so I’ll help you two out. You can count on me!”

Kylo’s heart dropped as he realize that Rose had misunderstood the situation completely. “No need. There’s really no need,” he said, but he recognized Rose’s mind had already been made. His new boss had decided to play matchmaker for him and Rey.


	4. Chapter 4

Since Kylo had forgotten his dinner in Rey’s room, he used a force suggestion on a hapless passerby to have a fresh meal brought to his room that night. He ate quickly and quietly and reflected on his encounter with Rey.

She had come after him again. Demanded it. Even tried to use a force suggestion on him to talk to him in private. Then again, she had only wanted to know why he was there. He shouldn't let himself read into it.

He also shouldn't let himself read into the way she had caressed his face while he was crying out during his vision. 

If she wanted him, she wouldn't have left him with a broken heart on the Supremacy. Likely, her kindness was just part of her personality. After all, hardly any time had passed between when she left Jakku and when his father, his Uncle Chewie, and his former stormtrooper had accepted her among them like a family member and risked their lives for her. Clearly, she had treated the others in a way that instantly endeared her to them as well. Her treatment of Kylo was likely nothing special to her outside how she tried to kill him first. He expected she didn’t do that to everyone.

His heart bruised at that thought, but he accepted it as truth. What other possible explanation could there be? He was a fool to have mistaken her intentions, and she was cruel to have tricked him. Granted, she probably had not meant to hurt him, but that was all the more reason for him to find a way to keep her out of his life forever. If she didn’t know how she had trapped his heart the first time, she might very well do it again, and then he would get hurt again.

He shuddered with the memory of her rejection, and he reached for his lightsaber to lash out his anguish only to recall that it was hidden away inside his vest. That's right. He was Matt here. Leaving lightsaber scores all over his bedroom would make keeping his disguise rather tricky.

He wanted to release his fury somehow. His eyes went to his bed. His pillow, at least, would not leave any permanent damage. He picked it up and slammed the bed hard. The whump of the impact was not nearly satisfying enough, and he tried slamming the door instead. That was slightly more satisfying, but still not quite enough.

And then someone knocked.

Kylo reached out to the force and recoiled at finding Rey's presence just outside. “Go away.”

He could almost sense her shifting her weight to her other foot as she decided how to respond. His words had done nothing to discourage her. If anything, her determination only felt stronger.

“I brought you dinner,” she said through the door. “A fresh one. Yours had gone cold by the time I had escaped Rose and realized you had left your own.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “Escaped?” Were the two women not friends? He had trouble imagining anyone in the Resistance not liking Rey.

“Let me in, please. I don't want to spend the night talking through your door.”

Kylo glared, thinking back to what happened with the door between them the last time the force had connected them on Crait. “Then maybe you shouldn't have closed it on me!”

“What are you talking about?” Rey said. He could feel a brief spike in her confusion before she touched his mind through the force. Surprised understanding followed, chased quickly by annoyance, as if he had been the one to do something wrong. “This is about Crait!? I had to shut the hatch door. We couldn’t exactly escape with it open.”

He glowered at the door, suddenly feeling foolish for reading so much into an action she had barely considered. “Don’t pretend it didn’t mean anything else to you,” he said in a desperate attempt to reassure himself that he had not been fixating on an action that had been meaningless to her. How he wished he could just hate her.

He heard a click, and the door opened to reveal Rey. “Symbolism isn’t exactly one of my strong points, so no, it didn’t. I was just closing the door. However, since it’s clearly important to you, you can consider this symbolic door between us opened again,” she said. Her expression and posture were weary as she entered and closed the door behind her.

Kylo forced himself to step forward into her space and stare her down. “Get out,” he said. Their proximity reminded him of their time in the elevator. He had been thinking of kissing her that time. Throttling her seemed like a better idea now, but he had to be careful with such thoughts.

Rey looked away, and her eyes fell on the empty food tray on top of his cabinet. “You went back to the cafeteria?”

Kylo said nothing. He was interested in neither lying to her nor telling her the truth of what he had done. He didn't want a lecture. 

After a few seconds of silence, Rey shrugged, sat down on his bed with her legs crossed underneath her, and started eating. 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Rey barely bothered to glance at him as she said, “Eating. I'm not going to let good food go to waste.”

Kylo sneered at this excuse to stay. “The door was locked. I’ve asked you to leave several ways. Leave before I make you.”

Rey’s eyes lifted from the dinner to him. “With what? You’re wielding a pillow,” she said, and then went back to the food.

Kylo growled in frustration and threw the pillow at Rey, who glanced up and blocked it easily with one hand. Kylo yanked the zipper of his vest open, pulled out his actual lightsaber, and activated it. Rey stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth frozen while full of food. “You came here to talk, right? Start talking.” He deactivated the lightsaber, but kept it in hand.

“I want to know more about your vision,” she said with a mouth full of food. 

Kylo cringed at her poor manners, but shoved the thought aside. “Why?” He hadn't planned on interacting with her more than absolutely necessary. Telling her would only complicate things. Admitting to a vision in the first place had already complicated things.

Rey's eyes bugged out. “It's about my dying, right? I want to know. You mentioned a cliff, so it's on a planet, not a ship. What else? Is anyone else there? You mentioned others.”

Kylo studied Rey, debating the best way to get her to leave him alone. “If I answer your questions, will you let me be?”

Rey shook her head. “That's the other thing. You said you were here to save me. That means you need to stay near me, and that means we need a reason for Matt to be with me.”

Kylo stared at her. “Are you not at all concerned that I am doing this to hurt you and the Resistance?”

Rey stopped chewing, looked at him, and swallowed. The fact that she decided her next words required more civility worried him immensely. “I feel your fear. You're not someone on the cusp of victory. You're someone terrified of losing everything.” She glanced back down at her food and sighed. “Do you want any of this? I already ate the meal you left in my room since I didn’t want to throw it away. I'm not sure I can stomach any more.”

Kylo hesitated a moment, then took the tray from her. “I’ll finish it after you’re gone.” Belatedly, he realized that the reason she had stopped eating before speaking had likely only been that she was full.

Rey studied him a moment and then nodded. “I work with Rose sometimes, but I don’t usually spend much time with her unless we’re both hanging out with Finn. He’s our common link. I think she likes him.”

“They were both in the vision too,” Kylo said. “Therefore, I don’t need to be close to you to be in a position to save you.”

Rey lowered her eyes, and Kylo sensed her fatigue through the force. “You really want nothing to do with me,” she said quietly. She said it as if it were the answer to a question, and her hopeful persistence melted into painful grief by the time she finished speaking. She looked at him sharply then, and her hope flickered back to life. “But you do want to save me.”

Kylo wanted to deny it, but his heart had lurched at witnessing her own grief at his apathy towards her, and he did not want to feel it again, either her grief or his own reaction to it. She had caught him with her eyes though, and he could not look away.

“I’m sorry I left you the way I did. Thank you for coming back for me,” Rey said. She got up and opened the door as Kylo processed what she said.

“I didn’t do it for you,” he muttered in a rush, the words tumbling out one after another in their hurry to reach her before she left the room.

Rey looked back at him. Their eyes met again, and Kylo felt frozen in time. It was like the force bond all over again, but this time he could reach out and touch her if he wanted. He kept his hands firmly on the food tray, and Rey left without saying another word.

Kylo waited until he couldn’t hear her anymore and sat down on the bed where she had been a minute before. The bedding was still warm from her body, and he gazed at the dinner, some of it half-eaten, meaning he would actually be putting his mouth where hers had been.

He slammed the food tray into the wall with the force and ripped the bedding off, tossing it into a pile in the corner. “No,” he whispered to himself as he realized how much he had already lost to her. He curled up in the fetal position away from the spot she had contaminated. “No,” he repeated. “No, no, no…”


	5. Chapter 5

Someone pounded on his door, and Kylo reached for his lightsaber where he kept it on his nightstand to teach the person a lesson when he realized there was no nightstand. His eyes opened, and he stared around the tiny unfamiliar room.

“Matt, come on! Wake up!” shouted a woman from outside.

Matt. That's right. He was undercover as Matt. He bolted upright and checked that his wig was in place. He found the fake glasses, put them on, and answered the door.

“We need to get you an alarm clock, Matt. I've been out here five minutes,” Rose said. “Now come on. Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

“No,” Kylo said. He didn't know what time it was either.

“We'll swing by the cafeteria then on the way and grab you something. Can't let you go hungry your first day. No offense, Matt, but you don't look like someone who knows how to take care of himself.”

Kylo cringed at her profile of him. “I need to visit the refresher before we go,” he said. Maybe there he could finish waking up before dealing with people.

“I'll wait for you in the cafeteria.”

Kylo found the floor’s multi-stall refresher and took care of himself in the mercifully empty space. His reflection as he walked past the mirrors gave him pause. Though he knew he was in disguise, it disturbed him to see how very little he recognized himself. Even his eyes seemed different. He took his fake glasses off and tossed some water on his face to manage some basic hygiene and dried off quickly. 

Unfortunately, it seemed anything more than that would have to wait. He had been too consumed with his thoughts of Rey to do more than meet his bare minimum needs before sleeping. He studied the bags under his eyes. He still wasn't sure when he fell asleep. The night was a blur of self-loathing.

The door opened, and Finn walked in. “Oh good, you're awake. Rose sent me in to check on you. She thought you might have passed out mid-leak or something,” Finn said. His brows pulled together slightly. “You know, you look kinda familiar with your glasses off. Have I met you somewhere?”

Kylo put the glasses back on and stared Finn down. Finn gulped and took a step back. “You know, I'm just going to let her know you're awake and on your way out.” Finn quickly left.

Kylo took one final glance at his blond disguise and sighed before leaving the refresher to find Rose.

Thankfully, it wasn't difficult to find the cafeteria or Rose. She sat alone next to an empty cup of what looked like coffee and a plate with some sausages and biscuits on it. Thankfully Rey and his mother were nowhere in sight. He didn’t even see the traitor or the pilot hanging around.

“Matt! Sit down. Hope you don't mind that I picked some food for you. Line was long and we're already running late,” Rose said.

Kylo sat down, confirmed with his nose that the hot liquid in front of him was coffee, and dug in, savoring the sensation of the hot caffeine hitting his bloodstream. The biscuits were slightly burnt, but he found that matched his mood. 

“We have repairs on at least five ships to complete today. I know the ad asked for a radar technician, but since you need training anyway, I figure I'll just make you my apprentice in all things ship repair. We can always put out a new ad for a radar technician since you’re working for free. Besides, not only do we generally need more ship handymen, but Rey oversees my training when I run into something new, so this will let you interact with her more too! You see, I'm actually more of an engineer. I design things more than repair them, but Rey can repair anything! It's almost a waste that she's a jedi.”

Kylo stared at Rose. “Her powers are not a waste.” He had never seen a more talented force user. Snoke may have been more powerful, but that monster had taken centuries to hone his skills. Rey was so fresh she was raw, and she still brought Kylo to his knees each time. 

Perhaps if he had begged on his knees instead… He took an extra vicious bite of the biscuit to break that train of thought.

“Matt, are you listening?” Rose said, drawing him out of his thoughts. 

“Hmm?” he managed with his full mouth.

Rose studied him a moment before breaking out in a grin wider than he knew possible. Kylo narrowed his eyes. No one smiled like that at him these days, not even Rey, but then he remembered he was Matt here. He brushed Rose's mind with the force to see what she was thinking and immediately regretted it.

“I was not thinking about Rey!” he insisted, though he had, just not quite in the same way Rose had been envisioning.

Rose's eyes sparkled. “I never said you were thinking about Rey, Matt.”

Kylo tamped down his gut reaction to fling her across the room with the force. Rose had not meant harm, and furthermore, she wasn’t even wrong. He had been thinking about Rey. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, hoping she would drop it.

“You're so shy!” Rose said, still smiling at him. “Don't worry. I'll help you, not that I'm sure you need my help. Poe said he saw Rey leaving your room late last night, and she was so distracted she didn't even notice him when he greeted her.”

Kyo glanced at Rose. He wanted to ask her why she was interfering, but he didn’t want to talk about his non-relationship with Rey either. Instead, he settled on silence as he finished his breakfast and furiously tried to think about anything other than the girl he had offered the galaxy to.

Rose watched almost impatiently until he finished the last bite. “Since you're done eating and we have a busy schedule, let's get going.”

Rose stood up and quickly headed for the exit. Matt stood and took a step to follow her when he felt a familiar presence standing behind him.

Kylo froze, slowly turned to face his mother with a stony face, and wondered how he hadn't noticed her presence approaching. Of course, he hadn't been looking for her this time, and his head had been so full of Rey he hadn’t even kept his guard up. It was just another reason he would have to remove Rey from his life permanently after he resolved the vision.

Leia Organa attempted to smile at him but faltered at seeing his expression. “Did… were your accommodations comfortable?”

Kylo took a deep breath. He did not want to fall into the old trap of crushed hopes again. “They were reasonable,” he said, aiming for the most neutral response possible.

“That's good. That's good,” she said, still staring into his eyes as if searching for the son she remembered.

Kylo scowled at this possibility, and that's when Rose returned.

“Oh, good morning, General Organa! I wondered what was keeping Matt, not that you were keeping Matt, I mean...how may we help you?”

Leia smiled sincerely at Rose. “You're already doing everything we could ask of you, Rose. Thank you, and please let me know if Matt causes you any trouble.”

Rose laughed. “Sure, but why would he? Look at him,” she said. “He's so shy. He's not the type to cause problems.”

Both Leia and Kylo frowned in confusion at this. Kylo shook his head and stepped around Rose in the direction she had been heading, effectively ending the conversation before it could become any more awkward for him.

“Wait, Matt, wait up!” Rose said, catching up to him with hurried steps to match his long stride. “That was General Organa! You don't just walk off like that. She's our leader, she's a hero, she's even a princess!”

“Of a planet that no longer exists,” Kylo countered, as he had when others had teased him about his lineage in the past. He had created this name to demonstrate he didn't need his family legacy to make a difference. After all, Vader had been a no one as a child and had become the second most powerful man in the galaxy. Kylo wanted the galaxy to know he could do the same, and he had reached the top.

“Matt? Matt, are you listening?” Rose asked. 

Kylo glanced at Rose and sighed..

“Thinking of Rey again?”

“No, my grandfather, actually,” Kylo answered honestly. He could think about people other than Rey, and now that he realized it, he decided he would think about Vader every time his thoughts drifted to Rey. After all, focusing on Vader had freed him in the past from his disappointment in the rest of his family. “My grandfather was a great man.”

Rose smiled sadly at that. “Yea, family’s the best. Let’s see, our first repair is on the hydraulics of the C level wing for this ship. Well, let’s go.”

Shortly after, Kylo found himself deep inside some service door surrounded by pipes, valves, and he wasn’t even sure what else, and he had no clue what to do. Rose was chattering on at him, and he tried to pay attention, but his thoughts kept drifting to his wonder that Rey had taught Rose how to repair whatever this was. Despite being the son of Han Solo, Kylo had never actually done much with ship repair. He would have guessed that Rey, as a scavenger on a desert planet, would not know much either, and yet Rose had said in no uncertain terms that Rey had been the one to teach Rose how to fix this and many other ship malfunctions. Had his little scavenger already been a savant before she discovered the force?

“Matt, are you listening?” Rose asked.

Kylo shook his head and tried to follow what Rose said, but his thoughts drifted almost immediately back to Rey. He recalled his declaration to think about Vader instead, and tried to imagine the famous sith doing ship repair. He shook his head. It was possible, but unlikely, that his grandfather knew anything about mechanical designs beyond the machines needed to keep him alive. Then again, he knew very little of his grandfather, just like Rey knew little of her parents.

“Matt?” Rose said. She sighed and stood up from what she was doing. “Look, I know it’s your first day and all, but you have to learn this somehow if you want to help the Resistance. You can’t spend all your time daydreaming instead of doing anything.”

Kylo glanced at Rose. She was exactly right, though he wasn’t there to help the Resistance. Still, he would have more peace if she quit interrupting his thoughts, which meant he had to learn how to do these things, and since he didn’t have the focus or interest to pay attention to Rose, he would need to take a shortcut. “Do these service areas have surveillance?” he asked and glanced around to make sure they were alone.

Rose snorted. “No, why would they?”

Kylo could think of several very good reasons to have surveillance on the service areas holding the machinery keeping the ship functional, but he kept his thoughts to himself to focus on his task. He stepped forward and put his hand on Rose’s shoulder. Rose, for her part, gave him a really weird look and tried to shrug his hand off, but his grip was too strong.

“Matt? What are you doing?” she asked. He could hear just a touch of fear in her voice now, which was appropriate, given what he was about to do.

“Rose, try to relax. This will only hurt if you resist me,” he said, and he moved his other hand to hover near her head as he reached into her mind for the knowledge of mechanical repair she had learned from Rey.


	6. Chapter 6

“Matt, I can't believe you told me you were a novice!” Rose said cheerfully as Kylo worked on a fighter’s hyperdrive. “I think you must know as much as I do!”

Kylo paused as he contemplated the ironic truth of her declaration. He had not been sure he could quickly pull the knowledge he needed to become a mechanic from her mind, but it seemed to have worked so far. The memory block of his invasion was holding up too, which was a relief on several levels. The alternatives would have been unpleasant.

“Is this the last job?” he asked. It was not even lunch-time.

Rose nodded. “We work in the morning, eat lunch, then train in the afternoons. Since Crait, General Organa has decided that everyone should be fighter ready. Do you have any combat experience? It's okay if you don't. We have people at all levels, so you shouldn't feel behind no matter what.”

Kylo nodded. “I have combat experience,” he said. He saw no reason to hide it.

Rose seemed delighted. “Really?” she asked with a big smile on her face. “That's so cool! Are you really good?”

Kylo shrugged. He wasn't sure how to explain that he excelled in all forms of combat training offered by the First Order. Of course, Rose would see it for herself soon enough, unless he toned it down, but why should he? Combat was one of his true joys. He would not deny himself the pleasure of going all out. Perhaps he would even get to face off against Rey again.

He frowned. No, he didn't want to, except perhaps to demonstrate he could defeat her… but he was no longer confident he could.

Rose smiled. “Well, it's okay. If you need extra help, I'll just get Rey to teach you. She's the best of us, you know. Of course, she has the force, which is a little like cheating, but Finn said he saw Rey fight off several attackers bigger than her with nothing more than a staff even before she discovered her force powers. It's weird though. I always thought people were born with force powers. I mean, if they can come out at any time, does that mean I might be a jedi and just not know it yet?”

Kylo pondered this. He had felt Rey's powers awaken when he hit that barrier in her mind, but he suspected Rey had always had some access to the force. Of course, he had felt no such barrier in Rose's mind when he dug through it.

“I wish I were special like Rey. She's tall, pretty, athletic, smart, and talented even without the force and her hero reputation…”

“She is not tall,” Kylo said.

“She's nearly a half foot taller than me!” Rose said.

Kylo glanced at the woman, realizing then that Rose was extremely short, but sensed pointing this out would not help matters.

“And you didn't object to any of the other stuff. Of course, you are attracted to her. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm talking about this with you. I guess I just figured you could relate to aiming for someone out of your league.”

Kylo frowned, confused. “You're aiming for Rey?”

“What!?” Rose said. “No, stars no. I mean, if I were into girls I would probably be all over her too, but I like Finn.”

“The ex-stormtrooper?” Kylo said.

“How did you know about that?” Rose asked. “I mean, it's not uncommon knowledge for those from Crait, but most new people don't know it.”

Kylo cringed at his slip. He finished the work, wiped his hands off, and offered a hand for Rose to shake. She took it on reflex, and he willed the force through it. “You will not remember that I know Finn is an ex-stormtrooper.” He looked at Rose, whose eyes were dazed and jaw was slack and sighed. He actually felt bad for her. She was clearly not a murdering thief like much of the Resistance. She was merely a cog in the machine, and she was insecure about the boy she liked.

Who was a thieving murderer…

Kylo sighed. If he was in her head anyway, he may as well do her a favor. “You will no longer moon over Finn. You will be proud of your accomplishments as an engineer and save your heart for someone who recognizes your strengths.” He paused, frowning. “Who is also not me.” 

Rose nodded dully.

“Wake up,” he said and let go of her hand. 

Rose's eyes shot up, and she looked confused. 

After all the times she had caught him spacing out, Kylo couldn't resist. “Rose, are you listening?”

Rose's jaw dropped. “I guess not. What were we talking about?”

“I just wrapped up. Why don't you check my work and we'll head to lunch,” Kylo suggested.

“That sounds great!” Rose said, and Kylo felt fairly certain that Rose seemed more relaxed now. He wished there were someone to remove the longing from his head. Rey was the only one powerful enough, and he somehow doubted she would react well to such a request.

Kylo half expected Rose to go her own way in the cafeteria now that they were done with work, but she did no such thing. She pulled Kylo into the lunch line behind her and chattered non-stop about some technology she was developing in her spare time to confuse First Order radars into displacing their fleet for targeting purposes. Kylo had little clue what she was saying. She reminded him of a bubbly, chipper Hux as she laid out the science behind it.

Kylo wondered if there was some way to politely remove himself when he sensed Rey with his mother, the traitor, and the pilot in the line a dozen people behind them or so. He stayed where he was.

Unfortunately, this strategy only preserved him until the others finished getting their food too. Rey, his mother, Finn, and Poe all made a beeline for the table where Kylo and Rose sat.

“Hey!” Rose said in slight shock as everyone sat down around her and Kylo. Kylo studied her reaction to Finn in particular, but she treated him with the same deference she treated the others.

“It's alright if we join you and Matt?” General Organa said.

“Absolutely! I'm honored! I mean, you're all famous and heroes, and I'm just… well, me.”

“Nonsense, you went on an undercover mission with Finn to both Canto Bight and the Supremacy to save us, then fought on Crait and actually sacrificed yourself for Finn. How are you not a hero?” Poe asked with a big grin.

“Exactly! You saved my life and nearly died in the process. That's pretty heroic in my book,” Finn said.

“Oh yea,” Rose said, looking at Finn. “I had forgotten all that, even the kiss. That's weird. Why did I kiss you?” she asked a very confused and distraught Finn.

Kylo swallowed hard. He hadn't realized there was history between the two that would no longer make sense. He could feel both Rey and his mother turn their eyes to him too.

“Well, at the time, you said it was because you save the things you love,” Finn said. “Which I thought meant you loved me.”

Rose blinked at Finn. “No, I mean, maybe as a friend, but I don't feel anything special for you. Wow, are we really discussing my feelings over lunch? This is so weird. So why are you asking? You're not interested in me, are you?” Rose asked Finn.

Finn stared at her with a firm expression that Kylo knew was entirely uncharacteristic for the man, despite barely knowing Finn. Whatever was coming out of Finn's mouth would undoubtedly be a lie.

“No, no… I'm not interested. I was just curious, since, you know, you kissed me and said something that sounded a lot like you loved me.”

Rose chuckled. “Well that makes sense, but really, I have no idea why. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

“Oh, it's no problem at all, Rose. Say, I just remembered I had a thing I was supposed to do, and it needs doing. I'll see y'all later,” Finn said and left the table with a tray of untouched food.

“Umm, you know, me too,” Poe said and followed Finn quickly.

“Ben,” Rey said carefully, looking at Kylo with a wary expression.

“Who's Ben?” Rose asked.

Kylo cringed and glanced quickly to see if anyone was paying attention besides his mother and Rey. He quickly grabbed Rose's hand and said, “You will not remember I was called Ben.” He let go, and Rose blinked and looked around.

“Wow, I must have dazed off again. What were we talking about?” Rose asked. “Oh, did you know Matt is a wizard at mechanics? I think he must know at least as much as I know about things. I barely had to teach him anything today!”

Rey and General Organa exchanged glances. “Rose, I think that Rey and I will need to borrow Matt for a little bit when he’s done eating.”

“I think I should actually borrow him now,” Rey said. “Bring your food. We’ll eat in my room.”

Rose bit her lip and grinned at Kylo and Rey. “Absolutely. I won’t need him more. Take him for the whole day!”

Rey stood up and waited for Kylo to stand up too. He was tempted to resist, but he understood Rey’s position. If he had discovered Rey had interfered with the mind of one of his subordinates, he would have demanded her to explain herself too. He sighed and resigned himself to this confrontation.

Once they were in her room, she put her food on top of the cabinet and gestured for him to do the same. Once the food was safely out of the way, she glared at him. “What did you do to her?”

Kylo frowned at her. “Nothing bad. I borrowed her knowledge of mechanics, saving her a great deal of time training me, and then gave her a force suggestion to protect her heart until she finds someone worthwhile to be interested in.”

Rey frowned at him. “And who exactly is worthwhile?”

“Someone who will appreciate her,” Kylo said. “Also someone who is not me.”

Rey’s anger dimmed at this. “That’s… not as bad as I feared, but you can’t just go around messing with her head. What about Finn?”

“What about Finn? She was sad while she was clinging to her affection for him, and now she’s happier to be freed. I would do it for myself if I could,” Kylo said.

Rey’s spirits crumbled immediately. “You mean you would forget your feelings for me,” she said.

He hadn’t meant to reveal so much, but he could use this. “In a heartbeat,” Kylo said, narrowing his eyes at Rey and taking a step toward her. Rey backed up, and he followed until he had her back against the wall. “I would forget everything about you if I could.”

Rey’s eyes glistened with tears, but she kept her eyes steady on him. “I wouldn’t forget a single moment, Ben.” A tear rolled out of the corner of her eye and down her face, and Kylo was so fascinated with its wet trail that he didn’t realize she had lifted her hand until her fingers traced the scar on his own face. It paused at the point near his mouth, which she studied for a moment before dropping her hand away. “You really want to forget?”

“Yes,” he said. He never wanted to feel this pain again.

Rey nodded and slumped back against the wall, as if needing the support. “I can’t. If I make you forget just me, you won’t have any reason not to destroy the Resistance at the first opportunity after you leave. I’m sorry.”

Kylo’s heart clenched at the thought she might have done it for him were the Resistance not in danger. But, of course, she always chose the Resistance over him, just like everyone else. “Then I think our little chat is done,” he said. He grabbed his food tray and swept out the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo's mother was waiting for Kylo outside Rey's room. Kylo shut the door behind him with one hand and stared down at the woman who had raised him before sending him away to his death at the blade of Luke Skywalker. 

“I really don’t want to do this,” he said softly. They were alone in the hallway. Just him, his mother, and the tray of food that was rapidly losing its appeal in his hands. After his conversation with Rey, even his anger was losing its appeal. He felt defeated.

“You care about her,” his mother said, glancing at the closed door to Rey’s room behind him.

Kylo clenched his eyes shut, wishing his mother to go away. She didn’t. “Why are you here, Mother?”

General Organa raised an eyebrow at him. “You do know I run this place. You came to me, Ben.” 

“Stop using that name.”

“I won’t, and I won’t give up hope again. Whatever’s going on with you and Rey, it shows that you’re not gone. Not completely. Rose says you two are head-over-heels for each other and just in denial.”

Kylo frowned. “Rose says a lot of things and fawns after the attentions of someone unworthy of her.”

His mother gave him a crooked smile. “And you went out of your way to protect her heart, didn’t you? Not that you had any right to mess with her head, but you were worried about her, weren't you?”

Kylo scowled. “Were you eavesdropping just now?”

His mother shook her head. “I spoke with Rose and put it together. Should I have been eavesdropping? I've been wondering for some time what happened between you and Rey. She won’t tell me a thing other than that she saw your conflict, went to you on the Supremacy on a desperate gamble, and lost. What happened? You defeated Snoke and his guards together. I know that much, but she won’t say a thing about what convinced you two to become allies, however temporarily.”

Kylo studied his mother. If Rey had not wanted to confide in her, he certainly had no reason to. And yet, he almost wanted to just to see his mother’s reaction. He had sensed her fear for him when they were in battle. Did she still care now? “If you insist on speaking with me, at least follow me to my room so that I can set my lunch down.”

His mother stepped back and gestured for him to lead the way. They went to his room in silence, and he put his tray down inside and closed the door behind her. “What do you want to know?” he asked.

His mother shrugged. “Everything! Anything. We haven’t spoken properly in years, Ben. Just hearing your voice without that ridiculous modulated mask is a treat in itself.”

“I felt your fear for me,” he said. “When we were in battle outside Crait. Knowing you cared stayed my hand when it was on the trigger. Had I been a little quicker, I would have stopped my men from shooting.”

His mother’s eyes widened, and she reached out to touch his face, but he shied away. The gesture was too like the one his father had used in the moments before his death.

“I killed Han. I don’t know how you can still care about me after that.”

Her hand faltered, and she looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “You’ve done many horrific things, but Ben, I knew you were being manipulated by Snoke. It’s why I sent you to Luke… I had hoped he could help you where I couldn’t.”

“He tried to kill me in my sleep!”

Leia took a step back. Her eyes were wide with horror, and she shook her head slightly. “Impossible… and yet… you’re telling the truth. Oh Ben, is that why you turned? Of course it was… you could hardly stay under those circumstances. And yet, it’s so hard to believe.”

“Believe it. He sensed the rising darkness in me and decided to take preemptive action, but I had not turned yet. I had still been fighting the voice in my head. I would have stayed.”

His mother sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Kylo hesitated, then joined her, and she wrapped an arm around his back and leaned against him. “I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t know.”

“I’m still planning to kill everyone once I’m done here,” Kylo reminded her, but he didn’t try to displace her. Feeling his mother’s love again was something surreal after all the years they had been apart.

She chuckled. “I’m sure you are, but you won’t. There’s too much light in you. Too much love. You might be Supreme Leader Kylo Ren now, but you’re still a Solo underneath it all, and Han never could put himself first when it came to the lives of his loved ones. Not for lack of trying, mind you. He envisioned himself as quite the mercenary.”

Kylo frowned. He wasn’t sure that he had anything in common with his father beyond wavy hair and good flying skills, but he didn’t see a reason to point this out to his mother.

“So what happened with you and Rey? I know you captured her on Takodana and brought her to Starkiller Base, where she escaped you and met up with Finn, Chewie, and Han. And then you had a lightsaber battle with her and Finn, after which she escaped on the Falcon. Then she went off to Ahch-To to train for Luke, and the next thing we knew, she was rescuing us on Crait. It wasn’t until rumors spread that she had killed Snoke that she confided that she had gone to you on the Supremacy. I suppose you spread those rumors.”

Kylo sighed. He hadn’t been proud of that lie. “I did.”

“Didn’t want your subordinates questioning your loyalty to the First Order?”

Kylo remained silent. He had many reasons for hiding the truth of what happened, not all of which he cared to discuss with his mother. 

“What I really don’t understand is how you two trusted each other enough to fight against them together, and yet you parted as enemies.”

Kylo studied his mother, wondering how much he should tell her. He reached out through the force and was hit with a wave of concern, hope, affection, and joy that she was with her son at last, no matter how temporary the moment may be. He would take this chance. “I fell in love with her.”

His mother’s shock was obvious. “Truly? So Rose was onto something… but how? And how did you end up working together?”

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “It was Snoke’s doing… I don’t know how. I’ve never heard of anything like it. Snoke bonded me and Rey though, and after Starkiller Base, we would sometimes find ourselves in the same space, able to speak and see each other, even though we were across the galaxy.”

“How is that possible?” Leia asked.

“Like I said, I don’t know. But he did it without our knowledge. The first time it happened, Rey tried to shoot me. It didn’t work. She was already with Luke then on… Ahch-To, was it? I never did learn. I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I tried to demand she deliver Luke to me, but that didn’t work either. Our force powers were ineffective through the bond, and we couldn’t see each other’s surroundings, but we could talk.”

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “It started about how you would expect, with her calling me a monster--I didn’t deny it. But the issue of the academy came up, and I told her the truth of Luke. She was powerful and had darkness too. If Luke saw it… I didn’t want her to suffer as I did. I offered to teach her myself, but she refused.”

“She has too much light to follow the path you did, Ben,” Leia said.

“I know that better than anyone,” Kylo said bitterly. “But in time, she came to see that I was not all darkness… she even reached out to me once. She said she was so lonely, and her hand reached for mine.” He studied his hands, thinking back on it. “I hadn’t even known we could touch through the bond. I took my gloves off, and when we made contact, we both saw visions of our future together.”

“You saw visions of your future together?” Leia asked in astonishment.

He clenched his hands into tight fists. “They were false. Created by Snoke to lure Rey into a trap with me as the bait. She came to me, believing the force had told her she could save me from the dark side. Then Snoke tortured her, mocked us both for trusting the bond he had forged, and demanded I kill her.”

Leia nodded. “You killed Snoke instead.”

“I killed Snoke instead,” he confirmed. “Rey… I thought she loved me too. No one had ever dropped everything to save me before like that. She was the only brightness in my life. I would have done anything for her.”

“What went wrong?” Leia asked gently.

Kylo shrugged. “After we took out the guards, I offered her a life at my side ruling the galaxy together. She turned me down and reached for her lightsaber instead. When I tried to stop her by reaching for it as well, it exploded, knocking me out… maybe her too. I don’t know. She was gone when I woke up, and the Supremacy was ruined. She left me to die… again.”

“Again?”

“She had done the same on Starkiller Base. I don’t know what I am to her that she ever reached out to me, but I can’t…” he paused to catch his breath as it hitched with his grief. “I can’t stop thinking about her, and it hurts so much. I know there’s no hope for me. I want nothing more than to stay away from her and erase her from my life… but then these visions came, and I can’t stand the idea of her dying when I could do something to save her!”

“You still love her,” his mother said with awe in her voice. “And you’re here to save her life?”

“Yes,” Kylo said. “And I’ll leave after. I just don’t want her to die.” On some level, he was aware of how very dissonant this desire was with his desire to be rid of her permanently, but it was the truth. He wanted her to be alive and happy. He just wished he didn’t have to feel so much pain relating to her. Tears formed in his eyes, and he wiped them quickly. “I have no other designs while here. I will work faithfully in my role as Matt until the vision has passed, and then I will be gone again.”

Leia was quiet for a long while after that. Kylo didn’t mind. His body was trembling from the intensity of his emotions, and he used the time to half fall into meditation and calm himself. It took some time, but he felt lighter afterwards than he had in a long time.

“Well, I know you’re not here for me, but would it be alright if we continued chatting and catching up?” she asked after a little while longer. “I’ve missed you, Ben.”

Kylo nodded. “I would be okay with that.”

His mother stood up, hugged him around the neck, and kissed the top of his head. “Thank you, my son.” As she turned to face the door, her eyes fell on the mess Kylo had made last night when he had thrown the dinner at the wall in a fit of rage. “You were angry last night.”

“I was.”

She nodded, then bent down and picked up the tray and the worst of the mess. “I’ll order maintenance to clean up the rest of the mess, but please don’t waste any more food. We have a training room with dummies if you ever need a release.” She carried the tray with the mess to the door and opened it.

“Mother?”

“Hmm?” she asked, holding the door open with the tray balanced against her hip.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely.

Leia smiled. “Of course. You’re my son.”


	8. Chapter 8

Kylo stretched out on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He felt drained, but also relieved somehow. His mother hadn't known or condoned what Luke’s attempted murder of Kylo. And even knowing what Kylo had done for the First Order, she loved him.

Yet, she still led the Resistance, which existed to undermine the First Order, which he led.

He sighed. Did his mother believe he would abandon the First Order? Was it possible she had pretended to care to lure him away? He shook his head, dismissing the thought. His mother had been genuine in her feelings for him, at least.

He had no idea if Rey had been genuine. His inability to use the force on her through the bond had also prevented him from sensing her feelings at the time. The way she had not even bothered hiding her initial disgust with him had convinced him at the time that she was genuine in all their interactions, but when they met on the Supremacy, he had not sensed more than hope for his redemption, fear of having been mistaken, and then shock at how things turned out. He had not sensed love or affection from her then or since. She had expressed concern at times and grief when he said he would forget her if he could, but not affection.

He had no evidence Rey cared about him beyond what he might do for the Resistance.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Kylo sensed Rey's presence approach his room. Kylo rubbed his face and eyes and sat up. He was not ready to face her again so soon, and he did not answer when she knocked.

“Open up. I know you're in there,” Rey said through his door.

Kylo searched her presence with the force, trying to sense her feelings. He found resentment, hurt, and frustration at being there. She had not come to him on her own.

“I know you don’t want to see me, but the General ordered I bring you to training, and I won’t show up empty-handed. Come on. I’m not above dragging you.”

Kylo cringed. He should have known better than to think his mother wouldn't take action after he confided in her. There was no sense in indulging his mother by going along with Rey to train. Yet, he was here for the vision, and avoiding Rey would prevent him the access he needed to save her life. 

“Please?” Rey asked.

Kylo opened the door with the force and met her eyes. “Let’s go,” he said, standing up.

Rey nodded once, then sniffed and glanced towards the mess left from his dinner tray last night. Her expression melted into one of horror. “Is that last night’s dinner?”

Kriff. “We’re leaving,” he said, standing between her and the rest of his room. Rey tried to squirm around him, and he blocked her. “I thought you would drag me there if you had to?”

“Why is last night’s dinner splattered against your wall and floor?”

Kylo sighed. Rey wasn’t going to drop this. “Because I got angry,” he admitted.

“So you wasted food!?” Rey exclaimed.

“Be thankful I took it out on food instead of someone’s neck!”

Rey’s eyes widened, and Kylo felt a mix of relief and guilt at having reminded Rey that he was a monster. He shut the door firmly behind him and stared down at her, not knowing if he was trying to defend his darker ways or just waiting to see what she would do.

Rey stepped back after a moment, and he felt pity emanate from her. “Let’s go,” she said.

“Don't pity me, Rey.”

Rey paused and looked back at him, raising an eyebrow. “Learn to be happy,” she challenged.

Kylo seethed. “I tried to be happy with you! You left me!”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Then find others. Find others and make sure to keep them this time.”

Kylo threw his hands up. “I offered you the galaxy, and you still turned me down! How was I supposed to keep you?”

Rey's jaw dropped, and Kylo could feel the wrath emanating from her. “By not calling me nothing and bullying me into thinking I had no one else! By helping me save my friends! By letting me keep my kriffing lightsaber when I decided to leave! Oh, and let's not forget how you tried to kill me and everyone I loved on Crait! What did you think was going to happen!?”

Kylo took a step back. He had called her nothing, but… “You told me you were lonely. I thought your friends had abandoned you. I didn't want you to go back to rejection. I thought…” He paused trying to assimilate what she had said into his own understanding. He had called her nothing. It had made sense at the time. She had been a nobody from a backward planet and abandoned by her own parents and seemingly everyone else. “I thought I was the only one who recognized how special you were.”

“You're wrong. I'm not nothing. I may have spent most of my life unwanted and unneeded, but I'm someone special to a lot of people now,” Rey said. 

“I know. I know now that you didn't need me,” Kylo said, and his heart cracked admitting it. “I was the one who needed you.”

Silence fell between them as Kylo studied her eyes, her odd new hairstyle, and the firm set of her angry lips that were softening once again with pity. Kylo sighed. Rey was beautiful inside and out, and there might not be anyone else in the galaxy who would see what he had done and think he was anything other than a monster… except his mother.

“I'll leave as soon as the vision passes,” Kylo said quietly.

Rey frowned and studied him. “You don’t have to.”

Kylo scoffed. “You don’t want me here.”

Rey’s face contorted with disbelief. “I did not say that.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “I can sense your feelings, Rey. You're not happy I'm here.”

“That doesn't mean I want you gone! Look, just a few weeks ago you were trying to kill us all. Last night you still swore you wanted nothing to do with me. An hour ago you said you wished you could forget me. Now you're… telling me you needed me to be happy and wished I had stayed. So yes, I'm more than a little apprehensive right now about your being here, but that doesn't mean…” Rey drew her eyebrows together. “The others hadn't rejected me at any point, but they don't understand what it's like either to have these powers. That's why I felt lonely before, and you're someone who was kind and understood. And even though so much had happened, between us and between the Resistance and the First Order, I saw you as my friend.” She ran her eyes over Kylo as if searching for something, then returned her gaze to his eyes. “If that friend is still in you and was more than a ploy to lure me to the First Order, I would like him to stay. I miss him.”

Kylo's lips parted as he considered this. The very idea she suspected he had pretended friendship to gain her loyalty was repulsive, but hadn't he suspected her of the same? “Rey, you truly valued me as a friend?” he asked.

“Yes!” Rey said emphatically, and a wave of warmth and affection emanated from her. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, drawing away wetness. “How could I not? You were there for me… you tried to help me. You saved my life… Ben, I didn't want to lose you, I just couldn't prioritize our friendship over the lives of everyone else I knew and loved.”

Something clattered to the ground just around the bend in the hallway, and then Rose poked her head out. “Sorry… umm, don’t mind me. I was just coming to check on Matt, who I guess is actually Ben, and apparently used to be with the First Order--not that I was listening--but it sounded like you two were having a really intimate talk, and I didn’t want to interrupt, and was Matt or Ben or whoever really trying to kill us, Rey? And you said he understood your powers, wait... so is he a force user? Like Kylo Ren or something? Actually, isn’t Kylo Ren’s real name Ben Sol-oh.” Rose pointed a trembling finger at Kylo. “You’re Kylo Ren, aren’t you? That’s why the general kept checking in, I thought it was odd, but… Rey, he’s the leader of the First Order! We have to do something!”

Enough was enough. Kylo sighed, twitched his fingers, and force-pulled Rose to him before putting Rose into a force-sleep. He caught her as she fell and gently lowered her the rest of the way. “Well?” he said, looking at Rey.

Rey frowned. “If she tells everyone else, you’ll have to leave.”

Kylo nodded. “You judged me earlier for interfering with her mind,” he said. “What do you think now?”

Rey winced. “It doesn’t hurt her?”

Kylo shrugged. “I don’t honestly know… I’ve never altered someone’s mind so many times in one day before. However, I’ve never heard of any side effects.”

Rey nodded, studying Rose’s prone figure on the floor. “Could we return the memories later if we had reason to?” Rey asked.

“Yes. I’ve done so before when necessary, and the person does not need to be awake. You could do it now.”

Rey lifted an eyebrow. “You want me to do it.”

Kylo stared at her until Rey sighed and approached Rose. Rey knelt down and put both hands on either side of Rose’s head. “Rose, I’m really sorry about this, but you will forget listening to the conversation between Matt and me in the hallway,” Rey said. She used her thumb to brush some hair away from Rose’s face. “You will also remember your true feelings for Finn. Sweet dreams, my friend.”

“What!?” Kylo hissed. “Those made her miserable.”

Rose glared at him. “Regardless, it’s not right that she doesn’t remember, and Finn does care for her. They’ll sort it out. Just like we will, if you’re willing.” She stuck her hand out and stared at him. “Friends?” she asked.

Kylo winced. Friendship was not all he wanted, but it was a starting place. He took her hand slowly, relishing the feel of her skin sliding against his. “Friends,” he said, ignoring the pit of dread forming in his gut. He had sworn he wouldn’t risk his heart again, and yet here he was giving Rey another chance. Grief swept over him in the expectation of his inevitable disappointment. This would not work out. Something wrong would happen, and she would reject him again.

“Ben, what is it?” Rey asked. Their hands were still linked, and he could feel her prodding his thoughts with the force out of genuine concern for him. 

He carefully closed his thoughts to her probing and gazed at her. Yes, Rey might reject him again, but this moment of holding hands and feeling her concern was worth a possible rejection in the future. Knowing Rey genuinely cared for him, even if just as a friend, was worth a possible rejection in the future. 

“Ben?” Rey said.

His thoughts drifted to the battle on Crait and his attitude towards her since then. “I’m really glad I didn’t ruin this chance,” he said.

“Yea, me too,” Rey said and smiled at him.

Kylo smiled back gently. Rey’s smile immediately faltered, and Kylo felt confusion overwhelm her as pink tinged her cheeks. His own smile fell as he studied the slight blush on her face. Did this mean Rey was attracted to his smile? He shook his head. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but a flicker of hope exploded in his heart alongside the excitement he always felt when he had a theory to test, and he would test this theory.


	9. Chapter 9

The training sessions were half over by the time Rey and Kylo joined in. They had put Rose in her room and gone to the main lobby where General Organa and other officers, including Poe Dameron, discussed training and organized things. Rey quickly notified General Organa of the situation so that Rose would not be penalized for her absence.

The older woman had given Kylo a knowing smile on seeing him with Rey. “And will the two of you be training together?” General Organa asked.

Kylo looked to Rey. He had no idea what training normally entailed for her, and while he badly wanted to face off with her again, he knew patience was the better play until he was certain of her feelings.

Rey glanced between Kylo and Leia. “Actually, I've been swamped lately with requests for self-defense training, and I thought Matt could take over some of my students while he's with us since we both know how good he is.”

“Matt, would you be comfortable with this plan?” Leia asked.

Kylo shrugged. “I have nothing against it,” he said. “Where do I go?”

Rey led the way from there, and Kylo soon lost himself in the joy of teaching. Though the quality of the students were less than he was used to, he found them more eager to learn. When he glanced over at Rey, however, he saw that she was exasperated with her own students.

Huh. He had not considered that Rey might not enjoy teaching as he did. He looked at his group of seven students and then the dozen that were following Rey.

“Line up,” Kylo said to his group. They looked at him in confusion, and he proceeded to physically escort them into a single row facing him.

He raised his voice and put a touch of the force into it to discourage disobedience. “Everyone, line up. I want to see three rows.”

The students complied, and Rey moved to his side. “What are you doing?” she whispered.

“Teaching,” he said, and he led the group through a move, again using a force compulsion to help them stay on task. 

Rey frowned. “I can sense what you're doing. Was this how you intended to teach me?”

Kylo shook his head. “It doesn't work on you,” he reminded her. Her ability to resist his force suggestions had been one of the first things he discovered about her.

Rey raised an eyebrow. “So you would use force suggestions on me if you could.”

He led the group through another stance and said, “Of course.” Force suggestions simplified training and allowed for a common vision between master and student without the violent abuse Snoke had resorted to with him. He would never resort to such cruel techniques for teaching.

Disgust hit him like a wave, and he froze when he realized it came from Rey, who now stood farther from him and looking away.

“Class dismissed,” he said curtly as his mind scrambled to sort out how he had offended Rey. 

“But there's still an hour of training time left!” complained someone in the front.

“CLASS DISMISSED!” Kylo shouted, baring his teeth at the Resistance trainees.

The group split immediately, and Kylo vaguely heard someone call him a blond four-eyed freak, but he dismissed it. Rey was more important. He had found peace with her less than an hour ago. He would not lose it so quickly.

“What is it?” he asked her. Had he messed up by taking her class?

“Not here,” Rey said and walked quickly away from the crowded rooms where the training was taking place. 

“Your room?” he asked.

Rey nodded. “Nowhere else is reliably private.” She frowned. “Though I'll likely be teased again by Rose if she finds out.”

Kylo followed her quietly the rest of the way. When they were safely inside with the door shut, he said, “Something I did or said disgusted you. Was it taking your students for a combined lesson?”

Rey's eyebrows shot up. “What? No! Thank you for that, actually. It's not that I don't want to teach them, but they take so long to understand even the most basic… that's not why we're here.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “If not that, what?”

“You said you would influence my mind with the force if you could,” Rey said. “Friends don't do that.”

Kylo frowned, and he realized that while he had agreed to be Rey's friend, and he had seen friendships blossom many times between footmen, officers, and more in the First Order and in the Resistance when he was younger, he had rarely been allowed the luxury of partaking in friendship himself. He had been too terrified of the voice in his head to trust his peers at Luke’s academy, even when they left with him and eventually became his knights.

“You're confused. What could you possibly be confused about?”

Kylo studied Rey, wondering how to explain his lack of experience in friendships, or even if he should explain it. “You don't want me to use force suggestions on you,” Kylo said, deciding to reiterate her concern instead of bringing up his insecurities. “Why?”

Rey threw her hands up and began pacing back and forth in front of her bed. “Because it's wrong, because it's my mind, because I don't want you making me into something I'm not-”

“I wouldn't,” Kylo said quickly. Rey froze mid stride and looked at him with skepticism written all over her face. He sighed. “I have always used force suggestions when training, but not to change one's personality. They… smooth things. Help someone stay focused. At times, I used them to lower someone's resistance to a distasteful task, but never without their permission.”

Rey huffed and crossed her arms on her chest. “Unless you want them to give you something against their will. What was it you told me? That you can take anything you want?”

Kylo cringed. He had told her that, hadn't he? And he had barged into her mind like she was any other interrogation subject, even though he knew she had been different. “I'm sorry,” he said, and he was.

“What?” Rey said, her eyes widening.

“I should not have threatened you like that. I'm sorry.” He had done so hoping to spare her the mental invasion, but it had been coarse and unprofessional of him.

Rey's face scrunched up in shock and disgust. “You're apologizing for threatening me? What about apologizing for trying to force me to give information against my will and invading my mind!?”

Kylo frowned. “Collecting the map to Skywalker had been my objective. Why should I apologize for doing whatever was necessary to complete my mission?” Though he had been distracted there too by his curiosity of Rey. Kylo grounded his teeth together. 

“You just told me you don't use the force to change someone's actions without their permission,” Rey said.

“And outside missions, I don't!” Kylo said and clenched his fists.

“And what's your mission now?” Rey asked. “How do I know you won't try again?”

Kylo groaned. “We both know I can’t use the force to influence you.”

“You keep saying that, but you only tried once outside the bond, and how do I know you won't force my friends to do something against their will?”

Kylo nearly protested that he wouldn't, but then he remembered how casually he had force ordered a random person to bring him dinner last night, and there was the business with making Rose forget Finn. 

“Why do I get the feeling there's something you're not telling me?”

Kylo sighed and went to run his hands through his hair when he remembered he was wearing a wig. He stared at his hands as he briefly considered taking the wig off, and shook his head instead. The door was not locked, and he was tired of blocking memories. “This is important to you?”

“Yes!” Rey cried in a way that made Kylo feel guilty for having asked.

“I promise I won't use the force to command anyone to do something against their will while I am here.” He paused. “Do you want that to include making people forget my real identity should they discover it?”

Rey stared at him. “What? No, no. Do what you need to stay undercover, but you'll truly stop the force suggestions? Even for training?”

Kylo considered it. “Yes, though I did it for their benefit, I will stop using force suggestions even for training.”

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey said, smiling broadly at him. 

Kylo gazed at her smile in wonder. A part of him wanted to smile back to see if she would blush in response again, but he was too overwhelmed with the realization that he might do anything she asked at this point. “You're welcome,” he said after the moment stretched and her smile had begun to fade.

“We should probably get back before the others start wondering where we were.”

Kylo nodded and opened the door for her.

“Finn? Poe?” Rey said.

Kylo looked and found the two men standing just outside and staring in shock at him.

“What's Matt doing in your room?” Finn asked.

Poe's shock morphed into laughter, and he clapped Finn's shoulder. “What do you think, Finn? What usually happens when a young woman brings a man to her room?” 

Finn scowled. “Nothing happens when she brings me to her room! We just talk.”

“And talking is all Matt and I did,” Rey said, slipping around Kylo into the hallway to give Finn a hug. “Thank you for looking out for me, Finn.”

“Who said I was worried?” Finn protested, but warm affection had replaced his anger as he returned Rey's hug. “We heard Matt took over then cancelled your self-defense training session in a fit of rage before following you. They said you two looked like you were going somewhere to fight.” Finn pulled back and studied Rey's face. “You're sure you're okay?”

“Yes!” Rey laughed. “I'm fine. Matt and I had a disagreement and needed to speak in private. That's all. It's all settled.”

“Got one of those hugs for me, Rey?” Poe asked, opening his arms in invitation. “I was worried too, you know.”

Rey smiled and gave Poe a quick hug as well. “Thank you, Poe. How is the flight simulation class going? Ready for me to take over yet and show you how it's done?”

Poe sputtered. “Hey, just because you've never crashed a plane in the few weeks you've been off Jakku does not mean you're a better flyer! I got this handled. Besides, it's not like I can teach self-defense. Hey Matt, have you seen this girl in a fight yet? She's unreal!”

“She's a Jedi,” Finn reminded Poe. Rey punched Finn gently on the arm and Finn mocked agony to the amusement of Poe and Rey while Kylo watched in silence. After they recovered, Poe glanced at Kylo and saw that Kylo hadn't laughed or smiled at their antics.

“Matt? You alright, buddy?” Poe asked.

Kylo took in slow, deep breaths and exhaled them over a count of ten, over and over, as he tried to process how very small he was in Rey's life. Somehow, knowing that Rey had friends in the Resistance had in no way prepared him to see those friendships played out before him. The friendly banter, casual physical affection, and obvious trust she shared with these two men was nothing like what he had experienced with her. Furthermore, she hadn’t even acknowledged him from the time she saw her friends until Poe addressed him. Rey stared at Kylo now, her confusion at his silence evident.

“I need to go,” he said, and escaped to his room as quickly as he could without actually running. When he got inside, he slammed the door shut, locked it, and slumped against it panting. 

A moment later, he tore off the wig and glasses, buried his face in his knees, and threaded his fingers through his real hair, relishing the feel of them on his scalp and consequential pain when he formed fists and yanked his hair to help release the pain and tension he was feeling inside.

He knew his relationship with Rey had gone awry after Snoke’s death, but he had firmly believed they were something special to each other when she came to him on the Supremacy and he saved her life from Snoke. Their synergy during the battle with the guard had been the most fulfilling experience of his life. He had his doubts afterword as to her motivation for everything, but she had settled that earlier by sharing she had seen him as a friend. Yet, seeing her be so familiar with her real friends showed him how very distant she had kept him. 

He could not imagine her being so familiar with him, or him being that familiar with anyone, for that matter. His supposed friendship with her suddenly felt like a farce, and he had no idea what to do about it.


	10. Chapter 10

Kylo wasn't sure how long he had sat there before a knock came on his door. For a brief moment, he both feared and hoped Rey was on the other side, but Rose was the person he sensed.

“Hey Matt, I heard you and Rey had a fight. Are you okay?” Rose said. “And don't pretend you're not there or you're asleep, I can see your shadow underneath the door.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow at that. “I'm here,” he admitted.

“Can I come in?” Rose asked. “Not to be rude, but it didn't seem like you had any friends, and I get the feeling you could use one. And, well, I don't really have a lot of friends either, so maybe we could help each other out.”

Kylo couldn't deny that Rose had a point, but he had not expected friendship with her. She seemed an unlikely choice with her bubbly do-good personality, but she was honest and meant well, and she wasn't Rey or his mother, and he could use someone new on his side.

Kylo slowly pulled himself up and almost unlocked the door when he recalled that his wig and glasses were off. “One moment,” he said. He did not want to mess with her memory more than he had to. He got his disguise back in place and let Rose in.

“Hey, thanks,” Rose said as she stepped in and Kylo closed the door behind her. “By the way, I put out the ad for the new radar technician after lunch, and we already have an applicant. The interview is tomorrow morning. Want to tag along? Normally Finn does, but he's…” Her voice trailed off and sadness filled her face for a few seconds. “Anyway!” she said and smiled brightly. “I would love some company that speaks basic, and you are my apprentice, so I thought it would make sense.”

“I can come with you,” Kylo said. 

“Really?” Rose asked with an excited grin.

“I said I could,” Kylo reminded her.

“Thanks! So what happened with Rey?” Rose asked. “Wait, is it weird that I'm asking? I just remembered that I'm technically your boss, and that could be really weird, and I don't want you to feel weird, but I do want to help, and-”

“It's okay,” Kylo said. He wasn't sure how much he could say without revealing his identity. However, he smiled slightly knowing someone wanted to hear his problems despite believing him a nobody. Of course, the conversation would go quite differently if she were aware of his identity.

“It's okay?” Rose asked.

“It's okay,” Kylo repeated. 

“Okay. So what happened with Rey?”

Kylo paused. “We had a disagreement regarding how to teach the self-defense group. The disagreement extended to how we treat others.”

Rose frowned. “Like what?”

Kylo studied Rose both with the force and his own judgment. “Are you someone I could trust with a secret?”

“I think so,” Rose said. “What kind of secret are we talking about?”

Everything Rose said had radiated honesty and sincerity, and Kylo was sick of not having anyone outside his situation to talk to. “Rey knows this, as does the General, but no one else, so you must be quiet.”

“Okay. What is it?”

Kylo took a deep breath and realized he was nervous. He could not recall ever having to tell someone he was force sensitive before. Somehow, everyone had always known. “I can use the force.”

Rose's jaw dropped, she brought a hand to her mouth, and then squealed into it as her face broke into delight. “That's so cool! Especially with you and Rey…” Her face fell into disappointment. “Wait, so is that the reason you and Rey seem to have something going on? You're just both jedi? There’s nothing else?”

“I'm no jedi,” Kylo said quickly. “I'm more of a gray area these days.”

Rose processed this and shrugged. “You don't seem like someone I should be afraid of. So what's the deal with you and Rey fighting?”

Kylo drew his eyebrows together at her assessment, but saw no reason to point out how incredibly wrong it was. “I used force suggestions on the self-defense class to help them focus and learn more quickly. Rey disliked this.”

“That definitely qualifies as a gray area. So Rey got upset?” Rose glanced around the room and eventually settled into sitting on the very edge of his bed.. 

Kylo followed her eyes and was relieved to note that the food mess had been cleaned up while he was gone. He did not want to explain that again. He sat back down on the floor with his back against the door.

“She wanted to know if I would use the force to influence her or her friends. I said I would, and she was angry.”

Rose's jaw dropped. “Matt! Of course, Rey was angry. You don’t do that to people for just any reason… Wait, have you ever done this to me? Would I even know?”

Kylo hesitated. 

“You have, haven't you? Why?”

Blocking Rose’s memories of their current conversation suddenly seemed like a very good idea, but Kylo had promised Rey he would stop doing so frivolously. “I meant to help you,” Kylo said after a moment. This was true enough.

“Really?” Rose asked. “How can messing with my head help?”

Kylo sighed, wondering how much he should tell Rose. This whole conversation was incredibly uncomfortable, awkward, and unlike anything he was used to. “I saw how much your attraction to Finn was hurting you, and I commanded you forget it.”

Rose’s face twisted with confusion. “But I haven't forgotten… wait, lunch. At lunch, I told Finn I wasn't attracted to him! That was your doing? But that doesn’t make sense. I remember my feelings now. Are you really bad at this or something? Or maybe there was a timer? How does it work?”

“It worked just fine,” Kylo snapped, feeling the wound to his ego at her suggestion he hadn’t known how to do it properly. “Rey reversed it after lunch when you came across us.”

Rose's mouth formed a perfect circle as she processed this. “Those were my feelings, Matt! You don't just take away someone's feelings because they're uncomfortable for the person! Yes, it hurts to think about how he probably doesn’t return them, but that doesn’t mean I want to forget how I feel!” Rose ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes as she took deep breaths. “Well, what’s done is done. I know you meant well, but you owe me, and I know exactly how you’re going to make it up to me.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “How?”

Rose opened both eyes and grinned mischievously. “Spin the bottle.”

“What?” Kylo asked as his heart thudded in his chest. Whatever direction this was going in, it could not possibly be a good one.

“It's a game, where people sit in a circle and take turns spinning the bottle, and whoever the bottle points at has to kiss them!”

“I know what spin-the-bottle is!” he said frantically.

“You're going to get me a smooch with Finn, and I won’t tell if you sneak one with Rey too.”

Kylo stared at Rose. “You want me to use the force to help you cheat at spin-the-bottle? What if Finn doesn't want to kiss you? What if he doesn't want to play? And I don’t want to just kiss Rey, I want-” he stopped abruptly. He wanted Rey to be his partner in everything, and he wanted it to be mutual. Kissing her as the result of a game felt like an insult to that dream.

Rose smiled sadly and slid onto the floor to sit closer to Kylo. “You really like her, don’t you? I get it. I want more than a kiss with Finn too, but I’m hoping he’ll at least notice me as a woman if we’ve kissed once outside battle, and I know he’ll play. Poe will play happily, and Finn always goes along with Poe. And I know just kissing Rey isn’t what you really want, but maybe she’ll take you more seriously after too.”

Kylo shook his head. “I don’t want to trick her into it. If Finn plays the game on his own, I will get you one kiss with him, but I want nothing more to do with it after.”

Rose frowned. “You sound like you don’t plan to participate.”

“I don’t plan to participate,” Kylo said. He wanted nothing to do with that sort of thing, and he doubted Rey did either. After all, she had trained under Luke just as he had, and Luke had been very big on repressing sexual desires since they could interfere with the purity of the force. His stomach growled as he convinced himself that Rey would not participate. “It’s time for dinner, isn’t it?”

Rose stood up as well and stretched. “Not quite, but they should be serving food by now. Want to join me?”

“Yes,” Kylo confirmed and stood up. He rubbed his neck and looked down at Rose. “I will help you with Finn for one kiss, but that’s it.”

Rose grinned big and hugged him tightly around the waist for a moment before letting go and grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, just, thank you. Thank you very much. It’s so good to have a friend of my own for a change. I’ve been really lonely since my sister died in the bombing outside D’Qar, but sorry, I probably shouldn’t have hugged you out of the blue like that.”

“No, it was okay,” Kylo said, though he was surprised himself at how little it bothered him. The hug from Rose was nothing special. She did not have the significance in his heart that his mother and Rey did. The embrace from his mother was intensely soothing and reassuring. Touching Rey even for a moment set every nerve in him on fire. Rose’s brief hug, however, was more like having a warm fire in the room. It was comfortable without inspiring any stronger feelings. He wondered if this was why Rey hugged her other friends so easily.

“Well fine, I’ll do it again then,” Rose said and gave him another quick squeeze. “It’s awkward hugging Finn, since he knows I like him… and since Rey and Poe are his best friends and only hang out with me because of Finn, well…” Rose sighed. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re here, Matt. So let’s go get food and get this party organized!”

“Party?” Kylo asked. Rose had only spoken of the spin-the-bottle game, not a party.

“Well, yea. You can’t just randomly invite friends over to play spin-the-bottle. It’s too obvious! We’ll have to set up a party around it. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on it being more than just you, me, Poe, Finn, and Rey… and maybe Kaydel Connix if Poe insists. That would be good, actually, even out the boy-girl ratio.”

Rose opened the door and led them out. Kylo shut it behind them, wondering how on earth he had ended up roped into this mad plan to use his force powers to cheat his new friend into getting a kiss from the traitor.


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo and Rose ran into Poe, Finn, and Rey outside Rey's room on the way to the cafeteria. Rose smiled brightly at them, though Kylo could sense her unease at having been excluded from the others again.

“Hi, guys! We were just coming to look for you,” Rose said. “Since Matt's new and all, I thought we'd have a little welcome party so everyone can get to know each other better.”

“But he's not one of us,” Finn said.

Poe and Rey both frowned at Finn, and Poe said, “He could be. Won't know until we try. If Rose wants us to get to know him, I'm all for it. Rey?”

Rey froze a moment before finding her voice. “I would like to know Matt better too,” she said while looking Kylo in the eye. Kylo's heart leapt in his chest as she maintained the gaze.

“You're outnumbered Finn,” Poe said. “Rose, when is the welcome party?”

“Does tonight work for you all? I'm interviewing a new radar technician tomorrow, and I would like to have the welcome party before I'm responsible for someone else too.”

“Sounds good to me,” Poe said. “Things have been quiet lately.”

“Me too,” Rey said.

“I don't know. I have a lot going on,” Finn said. Poe elbowed Finn gently. “But I guess I can come too.”

“Great!” Rose said. “I'll go see what private lounges are available for the evening.”

Rose went on ahead, leaving Kylo with Rey, Finn, and Poe. “Dude, you know how I feel about this,” Finn said to Poe as soon as Rose had left.

“And you know what Rey said about a dark force interfering with Rose's mind at lunch,” Poe said.

Kylo gave Rey a sharp look, and she shrugged. _I had to explain it somehow_. She thought to him.

Finn shook his head. “I know. I know! Rey, are you sure Rose is safe now? And you never said how that worked. I mean, a dark force… it's got to be Kylo Ren, right? What if Rose is now an unwitting spy for us?”

Kylo very carefully kept his mouth shut. However, the idea that Finn was worried about Rose becoming a spy when Kylo was right there was hard not to react to.

Rey stepped between Kylo and Finn, as if sensing his internal struggle to remain inconspicuous. “I checked her myself, Finn. She's safe. She's not spying on us.”

“Okay, but-”

“There's nothing to worry about,” Rey said to Finn. “And Rose remembers her feelings now, if you ever feel like letting her know how you feel.”

Finn cast a wary glance at Kylo. “Not here, Rey.”

Poe shook his head. “What do you have to be afraid of, Finn? It's not like she'll reject you.”

Kylo studied Finn, wondering the same thing. Finn didn't seem to know either. The former stormtrooper scratched his head, frowned, and shook it.

“You weren't this shy when you met me,” Rey said.

Finn threw his hands up. “I had just escaped the First Order, survived a space crash, and didn't have any hope for surviving to the next day when I met you. I was full-adrenaline, and I was acting on instinct… now that things are calmer… I don't know. I've had time to think, and I feel like she can do better than someone who runs away from everything. I mean, I ran from the First Order, I tried to run from the Resistance-”

“Really?” Poe asked, incredulous. Rey seemed less surprised.

Finn glared at Poe. “Yea, when the First Order was tracking us through hyperspace and we had no fuel, I tried to run. I had hoped to prevent Rey from returning to a slaughter, at least.”

Poe frowned, but he didn't seem angry. “I get it. It looked pretty hopeless for all of us, but don't do that again, okay?”

Finn sighed. “It's not like I woke up thinking i would betray the Resistance… or the First Order. I just… I don't know. I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. Of course not, the traitor was a traitor, apparently to both sides, but Kylo supposed awareness was something.

“No, Finn. You are a hero. You helped storm Starkiller Base to take down its defenses,” Rey said.

“Only to save you. I had felt so bad about how we parted on Takodana, and seeing that monster carry you off…”

“Monster?” Poe asked.

“He means Kylo Ren,” Rey said. “Kylo kidnapped me on Takodana since I had seen the map to Luke Skywalker.”

“That's right. Oh man, that guy is seriously creepy. He interrogated me too, you know. He let his buddies try the old-fashioned way, but I wouldn't talk, so he forced his way inside my mind. Felt like he was cleaving my head in two.”

Rey stared at Poe a moment, mystified. “Yea, it's not fun,” she said.

“Wait, so Kylo Ren went in your head too?” Poe asked. “But they didn't find Luke Skywalker…”

“Something he did woke up my own powers. I surprised him and escaped before he found the map,” Rey said. “But that's not the point. Finn is a hero. He risked his life to save me on Starkiller Base… both in coming there and fighting Kylo Ren for me while I was unconscious. Then he and Rose both risked their lives with the mission to Canto Bight, and again on Crait. Finn, you are a hero, and you won't abandon us again.”

Finn stared at Rey and nodded slightly after a moment. “Alright. Alright. I'll trust you, Rey.”

“Trust yourself, Finn! You don't need me for that,” Rey protested.

Poe clapped Rey's shoulder. “Baby steps, Rey. He'll get there. Now let's go get some food! I'm starving,” Poe said.

Kylo took a step into the mix, drawing attention to himself. “You forgive Finn for both being in the First Order and for trying to desert the Resistance since then. Is there anything you would not forgive?” he asked.

Rey looked to Poe, and Poe shrugged. “Not sure. I mean, I don't see any good in holding someone's past against him. I've heard all my life about how Darth Vader, one of the most wicked people in history, was redeemed in the end. Still, I think there might be people I would never trust. I mean, if Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux walked in here tomorrow declaring they had given up evil and wanted to join the Resistance… I wouldn't necessarily turn them away, but I wouldn't trust them either. Would you?”

Kylo considered this. It was a ridiculous question, given that he was Kylo Ren, but he tried to process it as an academic might, pretending he were someone else, or perhaps someone he identified as an enemy had shown up, like Luke Skywalker. He shook his head with disgust. “I would destroy them.”

“Damn, that's creepy,” Finn said. “Like, I believe that you would actually kill them. I'm glad you're on our side and not theirs,” Finn said.

Rey gave Kylo an odd, brief smile, but Kylo was in no mood to return it. Somehow, recognizing that Rey's friends would never trust him and even he wouldn't trust himself put a damper on the otherwise amusing irony of having Poe and Finn assume he was anyone other than their arch enemy. He knew he was a monster, but his time with Rey had made him feel like a redeemable one. Even his budding friendship with Rose encouraged him, but the truth was Rose would turn on him if she knew. Everyone would, except perhaps his mother and Rey.

“Let's go eat,” Kylo said with a heavy heart.

“Don't have to tell me twice!” Poe said.

Rey touched Kylo's hand, freezing him in place as Poe and Finn went ahead. “What's wrong?” she asked him.

Kylo looked down to where their skin touched slightly, wishing he had the courage to claim her hand entirely and wishing more that he deserved it. He said nothing, choosing instead to embrace the concern she felt for him and memorize her face.

“Please. Trust me. I trusted you when I was at my lowest. Tell me what's bothering you,” Rey said. She took his hand in both of her hands, squeezing it gently.

The intimacy threatened to crack Kylo entirely. He shook his head, pulling his hand from her and hurrying toward the cafeteria before he could do something he might regret, like tell her how ugly he felt or give into his desire to kiss her.

Rey's light was as brilliant as it was beautiful, and Kylo feared more and more that he would tarnish her through exposure to his darkness. His academic and personal interest in determining if he could attract her were falling second to his love for her, and his whole body trembled with an unfamiliar emotion. He collected his dinner and sat down with the others before he identified it: protectiveness. He wanted to protect Rey from any and all harm, including himself.


	12. Chapter 12

Rose had found a cozy lounge in a quiet area of the ship for the party. It was small, about twice the size of the standard bedroom, and had a table in a corner with couch seating surrounding it on all sides. Next to it was a door to a refresher. A basic kitchen decorated the other side of the room, and some snacks and questionable bottles already decorated its counter.

“Alcohol?” Kylo asked as he entered the room with Rey and Finn. Rose was waiting for them.

Rose shrugged. “Why not? We're all adults here.”

“Sounds good to me,” Finn said, stepping forward to pour himself a drink.

Kylo looked to Rey, whom he knew had been sold into slavery to pay for her parents’ drinking habits. She was studying her friends and their relaxed attitude towards the alcohol selection with unease. “I'm not sure Jedi are allowed to indulge in the spirits,” Kylo said, trying to offer Rey an easy out.

“Allowed?” Rey said in a tired voice, breaking her silence. She walked to the counter, grabbed the drink Finn had just poured, and downed it in one gulp. Both Rose and Finn stared at her with wide eyes as she choked and coughed her way free.

“Rey?” Rose said while Finn hit Rey's back firmly in an effort to help her breathe.

“Just,” Rey said and coughed. “I'm sick of,” she coughed again. “I'm sick of the pressure.”

“I did not intend to pressure you,” Kylo said, disturbed that he might have pushed her to drinking.

Rey stared at him, and he felt her reach out to him with the force and brush on his thoughts. She inhaled sharply and shame flooded her feelings.

 _You have nothing to be ashamed of._ Kylo assured her through the force, and he meant it, but Rey's emotions only grew more troubled.

“Matt, you're welcome to drink too,” Rose said.

Kylo shook his head. “I appreciate the offer, but I have learned that I regret my actions when I am not sober. I will abstain.” He had learned the hard way that the force and alcohol did not mix well within him. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as he focused on the present over the past. He would not join in the alcohol, but a glass of water would be nice. He helped himself and then found an empty patch of wall away from the others to lean against.

“Sit down, Matt,” Rey said. She pinched the elbow of his jumpsuit and directed him to sit next to her on a bench. She let go of the fabric as soon as he bent to get in the seat, and he tried not to crowd her, but the benches were narrow enough her knee still brushed against his leg at rest.

The door to the lounge opened, and Poe and Kaydel Connix walked in. “Hey, have we started? I hope you don't mind that I brought Kaydel,” Poe said.

“Not at all! It evens things out for spin-the-bottle,” Rose said cheerfully.

Finn sprayed out his drink, “Wait, what!?”

Poe laughed. “Why not? I'm in,” he said and poured himself and Kaydel drinks, “Any objection, Kaydel?”

Kaydel scanned the others in the room. “Just basic kissing, right? No tongue?”

Rose blushed deeply at this. “No! No tongue… I mean, unless people want to?”

Kaydel laughed. “Poe said you were adorable in an innocent way. I see what he means. Sure, we can play spin-the-bottle so long as I don't have to exchange spit with anyone.”

Rose seemed mortified by this assessment, but it was Rey who spoke next. “What's spin-the-bottle and why does it involve kissing?” she asked in a slightly terrified voice.

“Spin-the-bottle is a kissing game,” Poe explained. “You take a bottle, like this.” He grabbed an empty bottle from the assortment on the counter. “Sit down in a circle, like this,” he said, and he motioned for Kaydel to join him on the couches around the table. “Set the bottle on its side in the center like so, and spin it. Since I'm the spinner, I am obligated to kiss whoever it points at when it stops.” Poe spun the bottle.

They all watched as the bottle spun and then abruptly landed on its bottom, pointed at the ceiling. “I don't think I like this game,” Rey said.

“Well, hey, we don't have to play it if you don't want to,” Poe said. “Or maybe we can just spin it again when it lands on you, so you can watch without participating.”

Finn stepped forward and took the bottle off the table. “Shouldn’t we do something that everyone enjoys then instead of leaving Rey out?”

“You don’t want to play?” Rose asked Finn in a somewhat shaky voice.

Finn paused, seeming uneasy. “I don’t know. I mean, it could be fun, but I don’t think I would enjoy myself if there were others who didn’t want to play. Besides, wouldn’t it be a little weird for Rey to play since she can control the bottle’s movement with the force? She could just point the bottle at whoever she wants!”

Poe laughed. “That just makes me want to play more. Maybe she could do some mind-reading while she’s at it and point the bottle at people who want to kiss each other.”

Kylo felt a wave of frustration wash out from Rey, and he watched her as she closed her eyes and clenched her fists. “Poe,” Kylo said. “You of all people should know that mind-invasion isn’t something to joke about.”

Poe glanced to Rey and his cocky expression melted off his face. “Oh, sorry, Rey. I was only kidding. I didn’t mean for you to actually do that to us.”

“It’s fine,” Rey said after a moment. “I don’t want to spoil your fun either. This is Matt’s welcome party. Matt, did you want to play spin-the-bottle?”

Kylo met Rey’s eyes as she spoke, but his gaze slipped down to her lips as he considered his answer. He did want to kiss Rey, but he wanted it to happen out of mutual desire, not obligation. Yet, he had promised to help Rose get a kiss from Finn, and he could practically feel Rose’s eyes boring into his head. “Spin-the-bottle had been part of my plans for tonight, yes,” he said carefully, riding the line between truth and fiction. “However, since Rose was the one who set this party up, I think she should go first.”

Rey tensed next to him. _Do you intend to force me to be intimate with you?_ Rey asked through the force.

 _Not at all. I promised Rose one kiss with Finn this way as my apology for messing with her head, and I intend to end the game after._ Kylo responded. _The whole party is a set-up for her to get a chance to make Finn realize she’s a woman._

Confusion and surprise replaced Rey’s apprehension, and she studied Kylo for a moment as Rose sat down and Finn reluctantly sat next to her and put the bottle back in place. “Okay, I put the bottle back, but I’m out until Rey says she’s okay with this game,” Finn said.

Rejection hit Rose like a knife through the force, and Kylo sighed. _Rey, Rose thinks that Finn wants you, and he’s too much of an idiot to realize it. It’s the only reason I’m participating. Help me help her, please?_

Rey frowned. _Rose and Finn have already kissed once. Kissing again isn’t going to help her, especially under these circumstances._

 _I know, but I made a promise._ Kylo said. He wondered that Rey didn’t ask how Rose knew he had the force, but this was not the time to address that.

“Rey, are you in or out?” Poe asked.

Rey gazed at Kylo a moment longer and then faced the others. “I want to allow kissing on the cheek or hand as options,” Rey said.

Kaydel shrugged. “Maybe whoever gets chosen should just head to the refresher for a couple of minutes of privacy to do whatever they’re comfortable with?”

“You’re making this game a lot less exciting,” Rose complained.

“Or perhaps much, much more exciting, depending on what happens in the ‘fresher,” Poe said with a big wink at Rose. She stuck her tongue out at Poe.

Kylo sighed. “We’ll play according to what’s most comfortable for everyone. Whichever couple gets selected goes into the refresher and kisses each other somehow, but not necessarily on the lips, and if they do more, that’s between them.”

Everyone nodded, and Kylo took the bottle and handed it to Rose. “You’re the host, so you’re up,” he said.

Rose shook her head quickly and pushed it back to him. “No, you’re the guest of honor. You go first.” Kylo noted she was still reeling from the perceived rejection earlier from Finn’s insistence that Rey play and sighed again. This was not the plan, but he would work with it.

“Okay, I’m spinning first,” Kylo said. He felt Rey tense next to him and cringed that she feared he might force the bottle to choose her. Still, he did not intend to leave the spin to chance. He set the bottle in position, spun it, and carefully slowed it with the force until it was pointing at his target: Finn.

“Ugh… aww man, seriously?” Finn said. Poe laughed openly at Finn. Rose and Rey were both grinning at his dismay, though their amusement was cut through with shock that Kylo had not used the force to choose a better target for him.

“Come on. You agreed to the rules. Time to pucker up with me,” Kylo said with a twisted smile. He slid off the couch seat and headed to the refresher.

Finn followed him into the refresher and shut the door behind them. “First off, I am not kissing you on the lips, Matt. I don’t like you,” Finn said in a quiet, angry voice. He shook his finger at Kylo while he spoke.

Kylo rolled his eyes. “It’s mutual, which is part of why I can’t believe Rose has any interest in you. However, since she does and we've received this moment of privacy, I feel obligated to inform you that your idiocy is breaking her heart.”

“Rose? What? What are you talking about?” Finn said.

“Just now, you refused to play until Rey was okay with it. How do you think Rose took that?” Kylo said.

“Well, Rey’s my best friend, except perhaps Poe, and I didn’t want her to feel left out!”

Kylo rubbed his brow. “Or maybe you didn’t want to play if there wasn’t any chance of kissing Rey.”

Finn stared at Kylo in shock. “No, Matt. That is not true. Look, I get you like Rey and all, but that is not what’s going on here, and Rose knows that. She knows Rey’s my best friend.”

Kylo shook his head. Clearly logic was not one of Finn’s strengths. “Just promise you’ll consider Rose’s feelings if you two end up in here?”

“I’m not promising you anything, and I'm done talking. Unfortunately, I have to kiss you before we can leave. Hands, I guess?”

Kylo stared Finn down. “They won’t know the difference if we skip that step.”

Finn’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “You’re right. They won’t. First thing you said that I like. Let’s get out of here.”

Kylo glared at Finn's back as the younger man left the refresher. He still had no clue what Rose saw in the traitor, but he would make Finn pay if he hurt Rose again tonight.


	13. Chapter 13

Catcalls welcomed Finn and Kylo as they returned to the others from their time in the refresher for the spin-the-bottle game, and Kylo quickly handed Finn the bottle as they sat down. “Your turn,” Kylo said, looking down at Finn.

Finn glared at Kylo for a moment and then spun the bottle. Kylo glanced at Rose briefly before exerting the force on the bottle to smoothly point the bottle at Rose.

Finn gave Rey a suspicious look and then stood up in a huff. “Come on, Rose,” Finn said and walked to the refresher without waiting to see if Rose followed.

Rose stood up, trembling, and glanced at Kylo for support. He didn't know how to encourage her or even if he should, considering Finn's attitude, so he kept his silence. He regretted it when he saw her face fall more, but he still didn't know what to say.

Rose followed Finn into the refresher on shaky legs, and the door closed.

“Maybe I missed something, but I thought those two liked each other,” Kaydel said the moment the door shut behind Finn and Rose.

Poe and Rey exchanged uneasy looks. “They do,” Poe said. “Things have been tense though, and Finn hasn't wanted to start anything. Then something weird happened at lunch today. I'm sure they'll be fine though.”

Kylo reached out with the force to sense whether Rose and Finn had broken through their tension or not. They had not. They seemed to be talking, but Rose was unhappy and Finn seemed annoyed. He could feel Rey reaching out too, and he gave her a worried look.

“I'm sure they'll be fine,” Rey echoed, as if to convince herself. Kylo wasn't so sure. The next moment, Rose's feelings spiraled into dismayed turmoil, and he stood up without thinking about it, looking at the refresher. Even after his warning, Finn was hurting Rose.

“Matt, what's up? Why are you standing?” Poe asked.

The door to the refresher opened, and Rose hurried out with her head down and ran straight for the exit.

“Rose,” Kylo called, but she didn't respond, and he realized when he tried to step forward that Rey's hand was holding his, anchoring him to her and preventing him from checking on his heartbroken new friend. “Let go of me,” he ordered Rey. She released him, and Kylo left the lounge.

He didn't see Rose, so he had to use the force to follow her. He found her sobbing in a service duct for the ship. She sat with her back to a mass of pipes and stared blankly at the ceiling while tears and snot streamed freely down her face.

“Rose,” Kylo said.

Rose jumped with wide eyes and then sighed. “Oh, it's you, Matt. Why are you here?”

Kylo frowned. “You are my friend, and you're hurting,” he explained, though he didn't quite understand it himself. There was no strategy or logic in following her here. Her sadness came from Finn, and he could not help her with it without using the force in a way he had promised Rey he wouldn't. However, he didn't want her to be sad.

Rose smiled at him, like a ray of light peeking out between storm clouds. “You're a good person, Matt. Thanks for worrying about me. I'll be okay though. I'm just having a hard cry before I move on. You were right, you know.”

Kylo frowned. “Right about what?”

“This being a bad idea. I shouldn't have forced Finn to be in that position. Forced. I made a pun. Ha.”

“Funny,” Kylo said, though he didn't smile anymore than Rose did. He sat down across from her.

Rose took a deep breath and looked Kylo in the eyes. “I'm going to move on from Finn. Meet some new people. Make more friends.” She paused and wiped her face with her sleeve. “You know, I grew up really close with my sister Paige. I had been by her side since we joined the Resistance. I didn't have anyone else, and I felt like I had lost everything when she died. Then Finn showed up, and we went on this insane adventure together to Canto Bight to find some master coder. We got arrested, broke out of jail, and then set a bunch of fathiers free… I even got to ride one. It was the most amazing thing… It’s funny. At the time I had judged him for treating Rey like a chick looking for its mother, but I was doing the exact same thing with him. I’m such a fool.”

Kylo thought about how he himself had attached to Rey’s kindness without hesitating. “We’re both fools then.”

Rose smiled sadly at Kylo. “You and Rey?” she asked.

Kylo hesitated, but he wanted to talk to someone about it who understood, and he wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. It wasn’t the same as it had been with Rey through the bond, but he still cared for Rose, and becoming a fool for someone kind was something he had in common with Rose. “I was in a very dark place when I met Rey, and I had done many awful things. Rey… she believed in me when everyone else had given up hope. I would have been lost entirely without her.”

Rose stared at him with wide eyes. “Were you really that bad, Matt?”

Kylo studied her and settled on the truth. “Worse than you could imagine.”

“Wow, Matt. That’s so weird to think about. I mean, you’re so nice… volunteering to work here for free, becoming my friend, trying to help me out with my love life, and now listening to me when I’m a sobbing mess. I don’t think I’ve seen you do anything cruel or selfish.. .Thoughtless, sure, with the memory thing, but not cruel,” Rose said.

Kylo said nothing at first, but then his curiosity got the better of him. “I do fear that you wouldn’t want to be my friend if you knew what I had done.”

“What!?” Rose exclaimed, then tapped her chin and looked up as if to think about it. “Well, I’m having trouble imagining what. My sister was a bomber, so she technically murdered countless people in the war, but I can’t hold that against her, and I’m not sure what’s worse than that. I mean, did you torture people for fun?”

“No,” Kylo scoffed. He lost his temper more than he cared to admit, but he did not take pleasure in what he had done.

“Did you bully children?”

Kylo frowned in disgust. “Rose, be serious.”

“That’s my point. It’s obvious you’re not someone who enjoyed seeing others in pain, so whatever you did, you probably did it under orders or for some greater good, right? Well, I’ve killed for the greater good too. I’ve lied. I’ve cheated. I’ve hurt people, stolen things, and murdered… I didn’t take pleasure in it, and I didn’t do it for myself, but I did it all the same. Matt, we’re at war. Of course, dark things are happening, but that doesn’t mean others can’t forgive you.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “Could you forgive General Hux for destroying the Hosnian System and his other crimes?”

Rose pursed her lips, thinking about it seriously and sighed in defeat. “I don’t know. I’m trying to imagine how I would react if you were somehow Hux in disguise, and it’s beyond me. You are tall like him.”

Kylo smirked. “I can promise you that I’m not Hux in disguise,” he said.

Rose chuckled. “Thanks, Matt. That’s good to know. I expected you wouldn’t be that nice to me if you were anyway. I bit his hand as hard as I could when I met him.”

“What?” Kylo asked. He hadn’t known the two had been introduced, though he could imagine now why Hux had not cared to share the tale. “You bit Hux’s hand?”

“He was being all weird and intimate with me!” Rose protested. “And my hands were bound, so yea, I bit him as hard as I could.”

“Unbelievable,” Kylo said. He wondered what Hux would think of the friendship Kylo had formed with Rose. Fortunately, it was unlikely that Hux would ever find out. “I’m surprised he didn’t kill you.”

“Oh, he tried, but everything went crazy on the Supremacy then, and we escaped in the chaos. I hoped he would have died there, but we saw he was alive from the First Order propaganda holos the next day.”

Kylo said nothing, but he found himself smiling at the idea that his tiny little friend had given Hux such a hard time when captured. It was not often that Hux failed to get his way while Snoke lived.

“You know, I’m feeling a lot better now,” Rose said. “I mean, I know I’m still sad, but, I don’t feel so hopeless now. Thanks, Matt. You’re a good friend.”

“Friendship is something we were both lacking in. Thank you,” he said.

“We should get out of here. Will you be going back to the party?” Rose asked.

Kylo shook his head. “I’m not really a party kind of person.”

Rose laughed. “Me either, honestly. It was a dumb idea. The whole thing… All just to try and get FInn to see me properly.” Her smile fell, but she shrugged, stretched, and stood up. “Enough moping for me. We have a big day tomorrow, interviewing a new radar technician. You’re still joining me for that, right?”

“Of course,” Kylo said.

“Thank you. Well, I’m getting out of here. Good night, Matt.”

“Good night, Rose,” Kylo said.

They went their separate ways, and Kylo returned to his room. Kylo sighed, opened his door, and stepped inside to find Rey sprawled out on his bed with her eyes closed. Kylo frowned and quietly closed the door behind him. “Rey?” he said.

“Oh, you’re back,” Rey said and opened her eyes slowly. “Did you find Rose? Is she okay?”

“She’ll be okay,” Kylo said.

“Good,” Rey said. She sat upright and leaned on the heels of her hands. “Sorry, I fell asleep waiting on you.”

“Why were you waiting on me?” he asked.

Rey bit her lip. “I wanted to apologize… for having the wrong impression of you.”

Kylo almost rolled his eyes. “Rey, I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order. I’ve killed countless people, and I earned the nickname the Jedi Killer for a reason. I’ve tortured your friends. I invaded your mind. I have tried to destroy everything you believed in time and time again. You have every right to think the worst of me.” He tried not to remind himself then that she was the one who believed in him despite all that and that she would forever hold a special place in his heart as a result.

Rey frowned, as if she had somehow forgotten all that, and stood up slowly. Kylo stepped out of her way to give her easy access to the door. Rey put her hand on the handle, but she didn’t open it.

“Were you really planning to end the game after Rose and Finn kissed?”

Kylo frowned. He didn’t know why it mattered now. “Yes.”

Rey studied his eyes, and her eyes drifted down to his lips and stayed there for several seconds before lifting back up to his eyes again..

Kylo’s heartbeat quickened. Was it possible that she returned something of what he felt for her? She had blushed earlier, but he had also decided he would not tarnish her, but did he have the willpower to reject her if she chose to kiss him? She had been drinking too, so how did he know that she wouldn’t regret this in the morning?

That last thought cleared his mind. “It’s late,” he said. “You should go.”

Rey startled and disappeared out the door without another word, leaving Kylo lost to his thoughts.

 

**Bonus scene since I wrote it before the rest of the chapter: Rose and Finn**

Rose's stomach dropped out as she saw Finn walk off to the refresher in a huff after learning she was his partner. Was he that disappointed to not be with Rey? Maybe she should just call the whole thing off.

She walked there on wobbly legs. Finn was looking away from her when she entered, and she closed the door quietly behind her. “Umm, hi, Finn,” she said. “I guess it's us this time. How should we do this?”

Finn took a deep breath and sighed. “I need to clear something up first. You know how I feel about Rey, right?”

Rose's lips trembled, and she took quick, deep breaths to try and calm herself. She could not break down in front of Finn. It would be entirely too humiliating, and he was so nice that there was no telling what he might do out of pity for her. When she trusted she could speak in a steady voice, she nodded and said, “Yes, of course.” She winced as she realized how pathetic she sounded.

Finn turned and faced Rose. “You conspired against me, didn't you? You two used the force to have the bottle point at you. I saw how it moved. It was a very smooth job, but still obvious.”

Rose's jaw dropped. She had conspired against him, but with Matt, not Rey. Yet, she couldn't reveal that Matt had the force, and now Finn would think Rey not only had no interest in him, but was pushing him to be with someone he would otherwise reject. “I'm sorry,” Rose whimpered, and tears broke free. “I wasn't thinking about how it would make you feel…” She froze as the truth of that statement weighed down on her. She hadn't been thinking about Finn's feelings at all. Nausea enveloped her, and her heart pounded in her chest. She was panicking, and if Finn weren't disgusted before, he certainly would be after. After all, it was cool, brave Rey he found attractive. Someone as emotional as her had to be repulsive in comparison.

Finn gaped at her, and he reached out a hand. “I didn't mean to make you cry, Rose.”

“I know,” she said and smiled despite herself, for she fiercely loved how he worried for her even when she had been wrong to him. “I'll go.”

Finn frowned. “Hey, wait, we're still supposed to kiss, right?”

Rose felt every nerve in her body burn with shame and remorse. Finn was still willing to kiss her despite everything, but she had not earned this. “Of course,” she said. “Close your eyes.”

Finn seemed surprised at this request, but he did as asked and put his hands behind his back.

Rose studied Finn, her dark hero who had seemed a constant fixture in her life since she lost her sister. She had depended on him too much, and now she had injured his relationship with the woman he did love. She would have to move on now. She wasn't without anyone. Matt had proved a surprisingly good friend in the short time she knew him, and who knew who else she could meet. Maybe the new radar technician would turn out to be a cutie or something. She took a deep breath and let it out. She could do this. She could move on.

“Thank you,” Rose said softly. She stood up on her toes and kissed Finn gently on the cheek.

Finn opened his eyes and studied her. “It's okay. You can kiss me more than that. I know you want to. It's why you set this up, right?”

Rose's eyes widened in horror, and she shook her head, opened the door to the refresher, and rushed straight through the lounge to the exit despite the others trying to get her attention on the way.

Finn stayed behind in the refresher, staring after her with confusion and frustration. “What the hell. I thought she liked me!”


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Rose led Kylo to a landspeeder where Chewbacca was waiting in the driver's seat. Kylo stared uncertainty at his father's partner a moment before getting in. Chewbacca hadn't recognized him yet. There was no reason to fear him now.

“To the Falcon, please, Chewie,” Rose said, and off they went.

The bright, natural sun hurt Kylo's eyes, and he realized he had been undercover two days now with the Resistance. It felt strange how easily he adjusted to being a grunt in the Resistance. His previous time in the Resistance had been completely different, as his skill in the force and relation to Leia, Han, and Luke had forced him into the spotlight whenever he was not actively hiding. Now, he was simply another cog in the machine, and he found himself questioning things he had assumed for years. 

Rose had admitted last night that she had killed, lied, and stolen for the Resistance, yet he felt none of the hatred towards her that he typically felt when describing the murderers and thieves of the Resistance. He had initially assumed Rose wasn't part of those things, yet, she was by her own admission.

Rey was also someone who killed and stole. She was someone who had stolen from him and tried to kill him multiple times, and he still didn't think of her as a thief or a murderer either.

Kylo sighed. He didn't like what the Resistance stood for. The galaxy needed firmer leadership and guidance than could be left to the whims of an electoral process. However, he was having a harder time holding to his old convictions that their lives were meaningless. Rey was the most important person to him, Rose was a treasured friend, and his mother loved him despite everything. Even Poe and Finn weren't all bad, though Finn was quite possibly the biggest moron alive.

Regardless, now that he was neither lauded as part of the Skywalker legacy nor feared as Snoke's apprentice, he was finding it all too easy to empathize and blend with the Resistance members Rey knew best. 

They reached the Millennium Falcon and went inside to wait for the radar technician candidate. Suddenly, the Falcon inspired longing rather than apprehension. He might always have left the Resistance for the First Order, but maybe, if he had been allowed the freedom to know others as himself instead of as Leia's son, he might not have turned to the dark side when Snoke started whispering in his ears. His isolation had made him vulnerable. 

Kylo sighed as he sat down at the lounge table waiting for Rose to bring in the candidate. His isolation still made him vulnerable. Just a whiff of comradery with the Resistance had his heart spinning to focus on their needs rather than the needs of the First Order. If only he had a friend there to ground him where he belonged.

He heard Rose talking to someone on the way up the ramp. He had no true allies in the First Order, unless he counted Hux.

“I love cats! She's not a problem at all,” Rose said.

“I'm relieved to hear that, Ms. Tico. I would be destitute without my Millie,” drawled a familiar voice.

Kylo's head shot up in alarm to see Hux standing next to Rose in the Falcon. Kylo's jaw dropped. How did Rose not recognize Hux? But then, Hux was disguised. His hair was black and curly now… A wig, apparently. His eyebrows had been dyed black as well, and most shockingly, he wore common clothes and was dirty. Kylo couldn't believe his eyes. He had never seen Hux be anything other than high-class and pristine in appearance.

“Rax, I would like to introduce you to my apprentice, Matt. Matt, this is Rax Arkanis,” Rose said, gesturing to Hux.

“Ah, Matt, so we meet again,” Hux said. He set down a plastic cage beside the table and offered his hand for Kylo to shake. “Are you well?”

“Why are you here?” Kylo asked. He didn’t take the offered hand. Hux was supposed to stay behind and manage the First Order. Hux wasn’t supposed to be here. Hux wasn’t supposed to be part of this.

“I saw the ad for the radar technician. You know how much I like working with radar technology,” Hux said, straight-faced. Hux did have a particular interest in radar technology, but why was Hux here?

“Matt, you two know each other?” Rose said, eyeing Kylo nervously.

Hux raised both eyebrows at Kylo, and Kylo sighed. “Rose, could you give us a moment?”

“Of course,” Rose said. “I’ll just go see what Chewie’s up to. Come get me when you’re ready.”

They both followed Rose with their eyes until she left the area. “You’ve been gone nearly two light cycles, your job position opened back up, and you didn’t check in,” Hux hissed the second she was out of hearing. 

“I’m fine,” Kylo spat as he realized Hux had a point, but apologizing was not in his thoughts. He had trusted Hux to keep things managed while he was gone. “If you’re here, who’s running the First Order?” Kylo asked.

Hux shrugged. “Me. You. They don’t know we’re not there. I’ve got BB-9E programmed to handle everything.”

Kylo stared at Hux. BB-9E was the best droid they had, but that did not mean they should trust it with the leadership of the First Order in their absence. Hux must have realized what Kylo was thinking, because he took a deep breath and sighed. “I will be checking in on it each evening and have put in other fail-safes to ensure that I remain in control while down here. That said, I’m relieved to see you’re alive and well. I thought perhaps they had captured you.”

“Were you coming to rescue me?” Kylo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I was coming to confirm what happened, provide assistance to release you if it were within my means, and kill you if such assistance were impossible. Still, I am happy to see you well and free.”

“Happy.”

Hux smirked. “Well, your capture would have inconvenienced me. Though I had not expected to find you so quickly, even pursuing the same line of employment. Why is your job opened?”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Because I don’t know anything about radar technology, and I offered to work for free to ensure I was still employed.”

“For free? That’s ridiculous,” Hux said. “I intend to bleed them for every credit I can get.”

Kylo studied his second-in-command. “You’re staying?” he asked.

Hux eyed Kylo Ren. “And how is your mission to save the girl’s life going?” Hux smirked as Kylo frowned. “That’s what I thought. You need my help if we’re ever going to leave this place, and I do not plan to remain in orbit here forever. Besides, I have been curious about the inner workings of the Resistance for some time now, and I highly doubt you have had the mind to spy on the Resistance while here.”

“What of your work for Rose?” Kylo asked. “She’s already told me about your encounter with her on the Supremacy. 

“Has she been thinking of me?” Hux’s grin turned wicked. “I do confess I find Ms. Tico fascinating. Not just any woman would have such audacity in the face of death.”

Kylo’s heart froze at the thought of Rose being hurt more. “Hux. Do not toy with her. That’s an order.”

Hux’s smile faded into disappointment. “So protective. Didn’t you intend to kill them all when we parted? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for Ms. Tico instead of the girl from Jakku in the last two days.”

“Rose is my friend,” Kylo said firmly. 

Hux scoffed. “You’re the Supreme Leader. You don’t have friends,” Hux reminded him. “She would probably pull the trigger herself if she knew who you really were.”

Kylo sighed. Hux was probably correct, but his heart did not care. Too much of his father in him, indeed. “Matt has friends, and I will not tolerate their injury from you. Spy on the Resistance if you wish, but do not be cruel. That’s an order.”

Hux narrowed his eyes at Kylo. “I will not go against my nature, Ren, but I will not go out of my way to hurt them either. I came here in part thinking I might find a way to end this war on peaceful terms. We have lost entirely too many craft and alliances to the war with the Republic and now the Resistance. They would not settle with Snoke, but they may settle with you. Your mother run’s the Resistance, and your girlfriend is their new figurehead.”

Kylo considered correcting Hux, but he knew there would be little point. “Fine. I’ll go get Rose.”

Shortly after, Rose and Hux had agreed on a contract and were happily discussing some aspect of technology that went far over Kylo's head. Hux had even let out his cat to explore the ship while Kylo watched in silence. He pet Millie when she came around, but his thoughts were spinning. He was relieved that Hux was behaving, but Kylo had realized with growing dread that his mother and Rey would realize immediately who their new radar technician was.


	15. Chapter 15

“So, this is the famous Millenium Falcon,” Hux said, slowly strolling the old, beat-up freighter with his hands clasped behind his back. His cat Millie followed at his heels, rubbing against his shins. “Your father’s ship, correct?”

Kylo reached out yet again with the force to confirm that neither Chewie nor Rose had returned from their errands before responding. “Yes. Han Solo flew this ship with Chewbacca,” Kylo confirmed, studying Hux’s reactions. While Kylo recognized the ship was a piece of junk, he did not want his second-in-command to reach the same conclusions.

“Fascinating. If rumor can be trusted, this ship was instrumental in the destruction of both Death Stars, not to mention involved in the destruction of our own Starkiller Base. I would credit the ship, but having seen it, I think your father must have been an extraordinarily good pilot. Was he also force sensitive?”

Kylo sighed and rubbed his eyes. “No, and Lando Calrissian was the one who flew the ship and destroyed the second Death Star. Han Solo was on Endor with my mother when it exploded.”

Hux’s attention shifted to Kylo Ren. “Lando Calrissian, you said? I don’t believe I’ve heard that name before.”

“Not many have in the last 30 years. He was an old friend of my father’s. He got caught up in the Rebellion when Han reached out to him, saved the day, and then laid low again. I’m not really sure what happened after that. He was big on investing in crazy make-or-break projects though, so I expect he went off to make his fortune again.”

“Curious. Well, no matter. What progress have you made bringing the vision to conclusion? Have you identified where it will take place?”

Kylo frowned. He hadn't even considered he might play a role in making the vision happen. He had been too busy trying to sort out things with Rey. The image of her gazing at his lips last night came to mind and warmed his heart. Perhaps he had a chance.

“Your silence speaks for you. You mentioned a cliff in the initial vision, so it was planetside, correct?”

Kylo nodded, thinking back to the vision. “We were in a clearing at the edge of a thickly wooded area. Lots of vegetation. It was a hot and humid, but the air was still thin, like we were high up. A waterfall fell beside the cliff from someplace above us. I could hear its crash far beneath us.”

Hux nodded. “Vegetation color?”

“Standard. Green leaves. Brown wood. Flowers were a mix of colors, but nothing stood out.”

“Water color?”

“Nothing unusual. Foamed white, but grayish brown underneath. Likely from a muddy lake of some sort.”

“That could be any of a hundred places on dozens of planets, Ren. Anything else that might identify the planet or location in question?”

Kylo shook his head. His thoughts returned to how Leia and Rey would react to discovering Hux was there too. Rose knew that “Rax” and “Matt” were familiar with each other. “Hux, had you considered not telling Rose that we knew each other?”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “I thought it would allow for us to discuss things privately without raising suspicion, as we are now.”

“Leia and Rey know my identity. They'll know you're someone from the First Order by association, and I doubt your real identity would take them long to uncover.”

Hux smirked. “Of course not. A frank negotiation will be much easier if the general knows I am someone of note.”

Kylo groaned. “You were broadcast across the galaxy as the brain behind Starkiller Base and destroying the Hosnian System. They'll kill you before you get the chance.”

Hux's eyes crinkled with mirth. “Now, Ren, you sound like you care about me.”

Kylo glowered at Hux, but said nothing to dispute the claim. It wasn't that he liked Hux. However, having someone supporting him who he didn't have to hide from was very appealing. Furthermore, however many logical, selfish reasons Hux might have for helping Kylo, Kylo no longer sensed that Hux wished for his death.

Hux’s smile faded, and he looked away. “Well, I don’t intend to give them the opportunity to kill me. Your mother and Rey are the only ones who know your identity, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Then they will be the only ones to discover mine as well, and they seem level-headed enough not to destroy me on an impulse when there’s a fleet on their heads,” Hux said.

Kylo thought back to all the times Rey tried to shoot him first and took a deep breath. “I should be the one to introduce you.”

Hux grinned. “Well, they are your mother and girlfriend.”

Kylo closed his eyes against his frustration. “Rey’s not my girlfriend.”

Hux showed no surprise. “So no progress in your mission or the girl you want. A spectacular failure as always, Ren.”

Kylo opened his eyes to glare at Hux. “Don’t test me.”

Hux walked over to Kylo and leaned against the side of the beat-up lounge seating, studying Kylo. His cat jumped onto the seat, bumping her head against his loose one for pettings. Hux stroked her head reflexively. “What draws you to the scavenger girl? Had I not seen your despair for her safety, I would suspect it were merely a practical matter of recruiting the one threat to your powers.”

Kylo frowned. Recruiting Rey had been part of his original purpose in offering to teach her, but things had gone far beyond that. Still, he had no reason to confide in Hux. Kylo felt Rose and Chewie nearing the ship then through the force and sighed in relief. He was ready to be done with Hux’s interrogation. “Rose and Chewie have returned.”

“Understood,” Hux said.

Rose came into the ship pushing a cart covered in mechanical parts, and Chewie pushed another behind her. “We’ll probably need to fly the Falcon over to the main ship to unload these. I don’t think they’ll fit on the landspeeder,” Rose said. Chewie growled his agreement and nodded. “Matt, did you and Rax have fun catching up?”

“We had an excellent time, Ms. Tico. Matt was just telling me about how much he admired Rey,” Hux said, smiling slyly and giving Kylo a look full of mischief.

Rose grinned widely. “Rax, you can call me Rose. So what's this about Matt admiring Rey?”

Hux moved to help Rose as she locked the carts into cargo holds. Kylo intended to stay back, curious to see what his second in command was getting up to, but Chewie called him over for help with his own cart. Kylo went to work and wondered that, though Chewbacca was still larger than him, the old wookie no longer towered over him as he had when Kylo was little.

“Matt didn't tell you?” Hux said in between heaving things in place. “Matt took the job despite knowing nothing about radar technology because he hoped it would bring him closer to Rey.”

Kylo couldn't see Rose's eyes through the bulk of Chewbacca’s arm currently in his face as they wrestled the equipment, but he could imagine the twinkle in her eyes easily. Unfortunately, he also sensed Chewbacca's rage blossoming into action.

Kylo froze, wondering what had triggered this in Chewbacca. Should he pull out his lightsaber to defend himself? Should he--

Chewbacca grabbed Kylo by the waist and flung him across the room. The cat hissed and fled. Kylo scrambled to his feet and reached for the lightsaber that wasn't at his waist before recalling it was hidden in the chest pocket of his jumpsuit.

“Chewie!” Rose exclaimed in horror. “What are you doing!?” Hux smoothly stepped behind Rose to place her between himself and the enraged Wookie and pulled out a blaster. Kylo shook his head quickly at Hux, and Hux put the blaster back away.

Chewie roared at Rose, who stared at him in confusion as Chewie explained that he thought Matt had smelled familiar and finally figured out why: Matt was Ben Solo who became Kylo Ren. Chewie gestured emphatically and added that Matt was their enemy who killed Han Solo. 

However, Rose could not understand Chewie, and Chewie could not speak basic. Kylo sighed in relief. “Chewie, she can't understand you,” he said calmly.

Chewie roared even louder. He charged Kylo and lifted him by his jumpsuit, demanding to know why he shouldn't kill him for what he did to Han and the Resistance.

Kylo did some fast thinking. Chewbacca could kill him easily with his brute strength before Kylo could reach his lightsaber. He could eliminate Chewie easily using the force to crush a vital organ, but he had no desire to see Chewbacca dead. Still, the fact that Kylo was not already dead meant Chewie really intended to hear him out. Perhaps the truth would be sufficient. He took a deep breath, looked Chewbacca in the eyes, and said, “I’m here to save Rey’s life.”

Chewbacca snarled, but lowered Kylo to his feet. Still, Chewie glared at Kylo, asking with his eyes why he should believe Kylo.

“I had a vision, Chewie. I can help her,” Kylo explained.

Chewbacca harumphed and glared at Kylo again.

Kylo stared evenly at Chewbacca for a few seconds before responding. “I want to help her because I care about her. I won’t hurt her or the Resistance, and I’ll leave after. I know I don’t belong here.”

Chewie let go of Kylo and studied him thoughtfully. Chewie asked a question, and Kylo nodded. If Kylo had intended harm, he would have already hurt them. Chewie nodded in turn and went back to the cockpit without saying anything else.

“What was that all about?” Rose asked in a horrified voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Chewie didn’t like that I joined the Resistance to get closer to Rey,” Kylo said, recalling what Rose had said prior to the encounter. It was close enough to the truth.

Hux ignored the conversation and went to the abandoned equipment. “This still needs to be secured,” he pointed out. Both Rose and Kylo went to help him.

Rose tried to meet Kylo's eyes, but he kept them focused on the task. “Matt, you’re not telling me everything. You mentioned saving Rey’s life. You mentioned a vision. You mentioned leaving after helping Rey. And why would Chewie think you’re going to hurt Rey or the Resistance?” Rose asked. “Matt, what’s going on? I thought you were just here to help the Resistance?”

Hux met Kylo’s eye and raised an eyebrow, as if to remind Kylo that he and Rose were not really friends. Kylo sighed. There were so many things he hadn’t told Rose, but if he could put a spin on it, maybe he could tell the truth without saying everything.

“You know that I can use the force. I had a vision where I would help save Rey’s life, and that’s the real reason why I came here.”

They finished securing the cargo and stepped back. Rose checked the straps and dusted off her hands before facing Kylo again. “Matt, why did Chewie think you would hurt Rey and the Resistance?” Rose asked.

Kylo frowned. He had told Rose the night before that he had done bad things, and she had brushed it off lightly, but now she was interrogating him. He made a show of checking the components on the cart instead of answering Rose’s question. To his surprise, he recognized quite a few, though he wasn’t entirely sure how he knew them. Rose left after a half minute or so of this, leaving Hux and Kylo alone again. A few moments later, Millie resurfaced again and headed straight for Hux.

“Rose knows that you can use the force?” Hux asked. “She hasn’t figured it out?”

“I may have adjusted her memory a few times,” Kylo said. He waited for Hux to ask if Kylo had ever adjusted Hux’s memory.

“Perhaps the wookie needs an adjustment too,” Hux said instead.

Kylo shook his head. Chewie wouldn’t attack him again unprompted without orders, and Chewbacca was no gossip. “We’re in no more danger than before.”

Hux sneered, but did not argue as he left in the same direction Rose did, followed by Millie. A minute later, Kylo felt the ship lift off to return them to the Resistance base.


	16. Chapter 16

Rey was waiting when they exited the Falcon in the hangar of the main ship. Chewbacca led the way, growling and grumbling to Rey while gripping Kylo's jumpsuit to keep him near. Kylo didn't fight it. He understood where Chewie was coming from, and he knew Rey would sort it out quickly enough.

“I know, Chewie. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know how to… Can you let go of him? People are starting to stare!” Rey hissed.

Chewbacca let go of Kylo, and Kylo straightened his jumpsuit. Behind him, Rose waited patiently with Hux. Rose looked worried, but didn't interrupt.

Chewie spoke some more, glancing at Kylo and Hux.

“Really? Yes, of course. The General is in a council meeting, but I'm sure she'll explain everything to you once she's out. Just don't do anything rash, Chewie, okay? I'll talk to Matt and learn more about the new recruit. Now get going.” Rey took a deep breath and waited for Chewie to leave before she turned to the others. “So, new recruit?”

Rose beamed. “Yes! Rey, this is Rax Arkanis. He's an expert on radar technology and has some very interesting ideas for ways we might manage the hyperspace tracking dilemma next time. He's also an old friend of Matt's.”

Rey's eyebrows drew together at that last statement, and she looked to Kylo. Kylo frowned, but met her eyes. He waited for Rey to ask him who Rax really was or how he knew Rax, but Rey only stared at Kylo. As she focused on Kylo, the suspicion faded out of her expression, her lips parted gently, and Kylo realized her thoughts were somewhere else entirely now.

“Rose, show Rax around. I would like a moment with Rey,” Kylo said.

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Since when are you the boss? We do have work to do, Matt.” 

Kylo ignored Hux's snort and met Rose's eyes. “Please.”

Rose studied him a moment and glanced to Rey and back. Her scowl melted into a grin. “Well, if you insist. Come on Rax, let's get you acquainted with the Resistance base and find a room for you so we can let your cat out of her cage. You'll need to keep the door shut though. We accept all sentient species in the Resistance, and a few of them wouldn't hesitate to… Well, let's keep Millie safe.”

Hux turned white at the suggestion of what might happen to Millicent and glanced to Kylo. Kylo raised an eyebrow. “You should have kept her on the ship,” Kylo said.

“You have a ship?” Rose asked, looking at Hux.

Hux glared at Kylo briefly and faced Rose with a pleasant smile. “Yes, but I didn't come all re way here to talk about my ship. I'm here to learn more about yours.”

Rose beamed at his interest and launched into a very technical breakdown of the Resistance’s current forces as she led an attentive Hux away.

Kylo turned to face Rey again and found her looking after Hux with a contemplative expression. “He's First Order, isn't he,” she said. It wasn't a question.

Kylo glanced around to verify no one was nearby. The hangar was empty except for them. “You just met General Armitage Hux.”

Rey's eyes widened. “The red-haired guy on all the holos!?”

Kylo nodded.

Rey looked to where Rose and Hux had walked off. “Why did you let him go? We have to stop him!”

“Why?” Kylo asked and stepped close enough that she could not ignore his presence. Rey froze. “Why do we have to stop him, Rey? Because he'll spy on the Resistance for the First Order? Because he's an enemy of the Resistance?” Kylo watched the realization dawn on her eyes as she recalled that the man before her was a much bigger threat than Hux.

“You won't hurt me,” Rey said after a moment and stepped closer to him.

Kylo gazed at her. He could feel her heat radiating to him across the small gap between their bodies. Kylo didn't know what to say or think as he studied her face. He wanted to keep her safe, but he was the leader of the First Order, and she was part of the Resistance. “Hux wants to negotiate a truce of some sort,” he blurted out. 

“With the Resistance?” Rey asked.

Kylo nodded. “It's part of why he came. Snoke would never have considered making terms.”

“But you would,” Rey said quickly, tilting her head slightly, as if studying him in a new light.

“I might,” Kylo said. Rey’s eyes narrowed at his correction, and she stepped back. “I hadn't considered it fully. I would like a galaxy where you are not my enemy.”

“Then what's the problem?” Rey asked. She clenched her fists, and Kylo briefly wondered if she might attack him. He would enjoy the challenge and intimacy of a proper brawl with her, but Rey did not move to attack. The left corner of his lip curled down slightly with disappointment. “Why can't we have peace?”

Kylo closed his eyes slowly as the reasons raced through his head. The Resistance was disorganized. The galaxy needed a firm grip to maintain control. He thought of the planets where corruption would overwhelm the civilizations and lead to mass starvation at the first sign of weakness in the First Order. The weeks since Snoke's death had already been trying. The galaxy needed him to keep the First Order strong.

“Kylo?” Rey said softly. Kylo glanced back at her and felt half his convictions fall to ashes. He wished badly that things were different between them.

“I can't…” Kylo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “ I cannot let my personal desires interfere with maintaining order in the galaxy,” he finally said.

Rey frowned at him. “The Resistance wants order too.”

Kylo tilted his head slightly. He had not thought Rey would pay much attention to the politics of the Resistance. “How much do you know about what the Resistance wants?” Kylo asked. 

Rey blushed. “Not much,” she admitted. “But we do want peace. General Organa said that our goal is peace and freedom from oppression.”

Kylo scowled. “Freedom from oppression often becomes freedom from safety and adequate resources. Before the First Order stepped up, entire planets were suffering from the impact of corruption. They were free, but they had no food, no water, no safety. You must understand that protecting people from such things has a price.”

Rey stepped away again and bared her teeth in sudden anger. “Like stealing infants to have a steady supply of stormtroopers? Finn told me that much about the First Order.”

Kylo bristled with fury. “When voluntary enrollment is low, yes, we have had to make hard choices to ensure the safety of everyone! Finn may have been stolen from his home, but he is alive and well, which would not likely be the case for his home planet if we had not taken measures to maintain our forces.”

Rey eyes widened in surprise. “You know where Finn is from? Could we reunite him with his family!?”

Kylo took a deep breath and let it out slowly with the rage he had felt. “I don't know the particulars. Hux maintains such records, so take it up with him. However, don't get your hopes up.”

Kylo watched Rey glance to where Hux had walked off with Rose. Kylo didn't know what to make of Rey's sudden shift to learning Finn's origins. Should Kylo bring up politics again? Let their disagreement rest? Rey now looked down and avoided his eyes. The silence felt uneasy, like Rey didn't want him there but felt it rude to dismiss him. Chewie was right. He didn't belong here.

He would leave her, and yet, he couldn't until the vision had passed. Still, Rose had said there was work to be done, and he knew where to go. He could at least give her some space while she was safe. Kylo turned and began walking away.

“Wait,” Rey called. Kylo paused and looked back at her. Rey had a hand out, reaching out to him. He had a brief flashback to when she had done the same in the bond before they touched hands. He shivered with intensity from the memory. “Where are you going?”

“I have work,” Kylo reminded her.

“I want to come.”

Kylo frowned, confused. Perhaps she meant to seek out Hux through him to get information about Finn's home planet. “I wasn't planning to join our new radar technician today.” He did not get along with Hux well enough for that. He would check in with Rose later to make sure Hux behaved himself though.

Rey flinched, took a deep breath, and looked him square in the eye. “I want to spend time with you,” she said.

Kylo's soul cracked and bled hope. “Why?” Kylo asked as he turned to face her fully. His heart pounded in his chest at the thought of Rey simply wanting to be with him. Of course, she had been waiting for him in his room last night, but she had also been intoxicated then. She wasn't now. “I don't understand.”

Rey hesitated as she searched his eyes. “I would like to know you.”

Unbidden, another memory came to mind of the force vision where Rey had claimed to know everything she needed to know about him before calling him a monster. He was a monster. He would always be a--

“Please?” Rey asked in a voice so quiet it was almost a whimper. He felt her fear then. Rey was afraid that he would find her unworthy and reject her.

“You can come,” Kylo found himself saying as he gazed at her. Rey’s face cracked into a nervous smile, and she fell into step beside him as they left the hangar together.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, recall that this is the morning after Rey drank too much and stayed up late trying to talk to Kylo. She's sleep-deprived and somewhat hungover. She was last scene too, it's just... more relevant here. You'll see.

Chapter 17  
The rest of the morning was surprisingly pleasant. Kylo had not known what to expect when Rey tagged along for his work. He hadn't expected how smoothly and naturally they would work together for ship repairs, and yet that process was as flawless as their battle together against Snoke's guards.

“I wonder why we no longer experience the force bonds,” Rey said, handing a screwdriver to Kylo. Kylo took it without looking and pulled it into the blanket of wires he was buried in to replace a panel underneath. He had to kneel down to be the right height for it, and his knees had grown sore from being in position so long.

“Do you miss them?” Kylo asked. He tightened the final bolts on the new panel and handed the tool back. Rey took the tool, but didn't respond. Kylo felt his chest tighten. It was a dumb question. She had rejected him then. What good could come from bringing it up?

“I don't know,” Rey said with anguish in her voice.

Kylo turned around abruptly to catch the expression on her face, but he did not account for still being buried deep in wires.

“Be careful! Yank any one of these out and the power converters may overload. Just, hold still. I'll get you free.”

Kylo froze as he felt Rey's small, but firm, hand land on his arm and hold it still while wires were carefully pulled off him. Kylo swallowed hard as Rey’s hand slid down to his hand as she freed it from the wires. His jumpsuit had long sleeves, of course, but he still felt the heat of the moment like a brand on his skin.

Rey repeated the maneuver with his other arm, leaving him tingly all over, and then tackled the wires at his waist, brushing his torso frequently in the process. “Sorry,” she said.

“It’s okay,” Kylo responded. There was a cruelty to feeling these fleeting touches of her hands against him as she helped free him, but he felt thankful to have her touch him voluntarily at all, even if it was only to help him. He could see her now, as she had removed the majority of the wires previously obscuring his vision. Her eyes were intense in their focus on the challenge before her. She had been like this for every job on his list, and he marveled at how beautiful her work ethic was. 

Rey glanced at him, blushed, and looked back down for a moment. “This one is tighter than the others,” she said, and pulled it up carefully. It got caught on his shoulders for a moment, and then bumped his nose before swiping his fake glasses and blond wig off. Rey winced, but went back to work. “We can put it back on after we’re done.”

“Of course,” Kylo said.

A few more wires, and Kylo was freed. He dropped into a sitting position and stretched out his long legs to loosen up his knees. His black hair hung loose around his face, and he tucked it back behind his ears absently.

Rey picked up the glasses and blond wig from where they had fallen and knelt beside him. “Do you need help getting these back on?” she asked.

Kylo shook his head. He wouldn’t mind having her put them on, but he didn’t need the help, and he felt he had cheated fate already by feeling her touch as she disentangled him from the wires. He reached out his hand to take them, but Rey did not immediately hand them over.

“I want to help you,” Rey said, looking him in the eyes. 

Kylo’s heart skipped a beat as he inhaled sharply. “Okay,” he said. He dropped the hand he had offered to take the items from her and shifted his legs to cross in front of him, allowing her to face him easily. She picked up the glasses first with a shaky hand, and Kylo shook his head slightly. “The wig will knock them loose, so it’s better to do them last.”

Rey nodded and picked up the wig instead. She laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever worked with a wig before.”

“You just put it on in the correct position and tuck in my hair underneath,” Kylo explained and scratched his nose quickly. He had heard once that having an itchy nose meant someone was thinking about kissing him. He had dismissed it as nonsense at the time, but with Rey before him, he hoped it was true. He bit his lip gently at the thought as she came closer to face him and reached a hand out to smooth his hair back. Kylo closed his eyes and forced himself to remain still instead of leaning into her hand. He strongly suspected that he would have purred if he were a cat. 

“Your hair is damp,” Rey said, frowning.

“Sweat,” Kylo said. Rey stopped moving, and he opened his eyes to see a finger leave her mouth. “Were you… tasting my sweat?” he asked, incredulous. He had to be imagining things, right?

Rey’s face burned red, and she hurriedly shoved the wig on his head. It slid off before she could try to tuck his hair in, and she grabbed it and tried again so quickly she lost her balance and fell into him. Kylo caught her before she could fall to the ground and froze as he realized they were hugging each other in the moment, whether intentional or not. Rey had stiffened too, but after a moment, the tension melted out of her, and she leaned her forehead against his shoulder so that all Kylo saw was the back of her head.

“I lied earlier. I do miss the bond,” Rey said.

Kylo’s heart soared, but doubts, suspicions, and the pain knowing she lied to him came with it. “Why?”

“I was embarrassed, Kylo. You are the leader of the First Order; I’m in the Resistance. You were so angry with me, and I shouldn’t miss someone who hunted down my friends!” Rey lifted a tear-stricken face contorted with anger and grief, and Kylo removed his hands from her back immediately. Rey fell back as well, holding onto the wig tightly in clenched fists in her lap.

“Kylo, you killed Han. You nearly killed Finn. You tortured Poe. You kidnapped me and ripped through my mind. You tried to annihilate everyone in the Resistance, including me, on Crait, and Luke died protecting us. I must be mad, because no one in their right mind should want to be closer to someone who did all that.”

Kylo felt the weight of her words through the depths of his soul. “I’m sorry,” he said. He wished things were different between them. He had wanted to learn why Rey missed him, not why she was embarrassed and lied, but that no longer mattered. She still saw him as a monster. Kylo stood up slowly and offered her a hand to help her stand. 

Rey reached her hand out, but only placed the glasses and wig in his hand before letting go. “I’m sorry too,” she said. She wiped her face using the back of her arm, but her breath hitched, and she sobbed openly.

Kylo gazed at Rey, wishing he could do something to comfort her, but he was clearly the source of her distress. He could ask Leia to go to her, but that might backfire for several reasons. However, Finn was her friend. Kylo didn’t really see how Finn could properly help Rey with this, but he had no better ideas. He closed his eyes and concentrated through the force. Rey’s anguish was nearly unbearable, but he was able find Finn’s mind despite it and sent a message: “Rey needs a friend.” He then blasted the image of Rey’s current state to Finn along with the location. Through the force, he felt shock overwhelm Finn before Finn jumped into action.

“Finn’s on his way,” Kylo said. He debated waiting to leave until Finn arrived, but he suspected she would rather be alone than with him. “I’ll leave you now.”

Rey’s sobs broke another level, and Kylo slipped his disguise on quickly before he stepped out of the room.

Kylo leaned heavily against the door for a moment before deciding what to do next. He either needed to destroy something or talk to someone quickly. His mind went to Rose. He looked up her position on the ship through the list of repair jobs and marched off to find her.


	18. Chapter 18

Rose was not where the work order said she would be, but Kylo found her in a nearby lounge with Hux when he searched for her through the force. Rose and Hux were huddled close and talking intensely when Kylo entered. Hux noticed Kylo first and stood up.

“What happened?” Hux asked. His voice had a threat of violence in it, and Kylo vaguely realized Hux might fight someone for him. Pasty, skinny Hux, who stood before him with clenched fists even though his power was nonexistent compared to Kylo's.

“Matt, what's wrong!? Did you and Rey fight again?” Rose said. She stood up as well, taking several steps towards Kylo.

Kylo flinched when Rose nailed the issue on the head. He threw a hand and sent several pieces of furniture skidding across the room to the far wall. Rose backed up with horror, but Hux only rolled his eyes.

“Grief. I thought this might be something serious. So it's the girl again. What happened now?” Hux asked before casually walking to the pile of furniture and retrieving two chairs from it. He offered one to Rose and sat down in the other. Kylo stared at Hux blankly. “You can get your own chair, considering you created this mess.”

Kylo squeezed his hands tightly and counted to ten before exhaling. “I didn't want to talk to you too.”

Hux sneered. “Matt, we've known each other a long time. I'm on your side, remember?”

Yes, Hux was definitely on the side of the First Order with him. Kylo shook his head, pulled a chair to him with the force, and sat down facing Rose and Hux. “I don't know what to say,” Kylo said.

“Well you could start with an apology for scaring me,” Rose grumbled and gestured to the table and chairs still shoved against the far wall.

“Sorry,” Kylo muttered. 

Hux's eyes widened as he looked back and forth between Rose and Kylo. They eventually settled back on Kylo. “We're keeping her,” Hux said.

“Wh- what?” Rose spluttered.

Kylo sighed and faced Hux. “Rose is a treasured friend, and that is EXACTLY why we will NOT be keeping her against her will.”

Rose blushed and blanched in turns. “Matt, you said you had done some bad things before… you kidnapped people?”

Kylo froze. He had kidnapped people, but only when required for his investigation. He hadn't wanted to, except… maybe he had with Rey. He had known she was special and wanted to understand why, but he had never expected to develop feelings for her at the time, and…

“He kidnapped Rey once,” Hux said casually. “What you don't know, Ms. Tico, is that Matt here can be quite the brutal fellow. Kidnapping young women, killing without mercy, throwing people into walls,” Hux said, and his eyes darkened.

Rose's jaw dropped. “Matt!?”

Kylo stood up abruptly and threw his chair at the wall to land on the others that had not yet been restored. “I know I'm a monster!” he shouted. “Rey has every reason to hate me for what I have done. I just can't…” he took several hard breaths to try and collect his thoughts. “I want her, and I can't have her. I should just stay away from her,” he said.

Hux rolled his eyes. “So you will let her die according to your vision?”

The rage and torment swept out of Kylo like a wave, leaving him lost and empty. He had nearly forgotten why he came. “No, I can't do that.” He sagged as he crouched down on the floor. “You said you had a plan for making the vision happen sooner.”

Hux nodded. “I do, but you'll need to relive the vision.”

Kylo shook his head. He could only bring it out through feelings of rage against Rey. He had none of that now. However, something else came to mind. “Lando. Something about finding him feels right,”

Hux leaned forward. “Is this one of those force intuition things?”

Kylo nodded, and Hux leaned back. “I'll look around. See what I can find.” He glanced to Rose. “You've been awfully quiet. What are you thinking about, Ms. Tico?”

Rose didn’t immediately respond, which was unusual for her. Her face was white, and she was intensely fidgeting with the material of her pants. Kylo focused on her and sensed a wave of uneasiness and fear emanating from her. He had already apologized for scaring her, and she seemed fine then. “Rose? What is it?”

“Umm… I… um…” Rose looked between Kylo and Hux, and as if realizing something, gasped and started trembling. “I think I need to go.”

Hux reached out and put a hand on hers gently. “I don’t think so, Ms. Tico.” Rose flinched and went as still as a statue.

Kylo seethed at Hux. “She doesn’t want you touching her,” Kylo spat.

Hux frowned as he casually turned Rose’s hand over in his to study it. “Shouldn’t she be telling me to stop then?”

“Look at her!”

Hux studied Rose’s face and sighed, letting go of her hand. “I suppose you’re right. You are always such a stickler for courtesy. Still, we can’t let her go yet. It’s obvious, after all.”

“What’s obvious?” Kylo asked.

“She’s figured us out,” Hux said with a smile. “Right, Ms. Tico?” He leaned closer to her, and Rose leaned as far back as she could in the chair. Kylo growled and shoved Hux’s chair away with the force.

“Leave her alone, Hux. I already told you that she was off limits.”

Hux cackled. “And if she hadn’t figured it out yet, she certainly has now, Ren, or should I call you Supreme Leader?”

Kylo faltered as he finally realized his mistake and what Hux had been going on about. “How?” he asked, looking at Rose.

“You… you kidnapped Rey,” Rose said. 

Hux crossed his legs. “I asked her to tell me what she knew of Rey’s experience at Starkiller Base earlier. She mentioned that Rey had been terrified since she had never been kidnapped before.”

Kylo frowned. “You told her I kidnapped Rey.”

“I did. Ms. Tico is a brilliant woman. I assumed it would not take her long to put two and two together. She was already rather suspicious, though, from what happened with the wookie earlier.”

Kylo studied Rose and reviewed his options in his head. He could mess with her memory again to protect his disguise, but he didn’t want to mess with Rose’s head more. 

“She would be an invaluable asset in the First Order, especially since you’re friends and all, right?” Hux said. His voice dripped with sarcasm at the mention of their friendship, and something in Kylo snapped.

“Rose, do you want to leave?” Kylo asked.

Rose nodded. 

“Then leave,” Kylo said, and he opened the door with the force.

Hux stood up. “You can’t possibly--” Hux’s voice choked off as Kylo lifted a fist and squeezed.

Rose glanced at the two men briefly in terror before running out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Kylo turned to face Hux and loosened his force choke.

“Kylo, stop her! She’ll tell the whole--”

Kylo pulled his lightsaber out of his jumpsuit and turned it on. “You did this on purpose,” Kylo seethed. 

“I did you a favor. You thought she was your friend. I’m just showing you reality before your delusion becomes any more painful! Did you see how she looked at you? She treated you like a monster!”

“I KNOW I AM A MONSTER!” Kylo bellowed, and he took his lightsaber to the furniture, slashing it until they were nothing but broken pieces, just like him. “I know I have no friends. I know I am alone.”

Hux cleared his throat. “I know. I am also a monster. I have no friends, and I am alone.” He paused. “We’re the same in some ways.”

Kylo shook his head. “You had no right to interfere with my friendship with Rose.”

“I did nothing more than tell her the truth, Ren! If she were your friend, she would have trusted you not to hurt her,” Hux said.

“Um…”

Both men turned to see Rose standing in the now-open doorway. Kylo turned off the lightsaber immediately. “You came back,” Kylo said.

Rose nodded. “You’re really Supreme Leader Kylo Ren?” she asked.

Kylo stared at her, then nodded. He put away the lightsaber and stared at the mess he had created on the floor, trying to sort out why Rose was back. “Sorry about the furniture,” he said after a minute. He would have to let his mother know that a discreet clean-up crew would be needed. Perhaps he could donate some First Order funds to the Resistance as well to replace the broken items.

“You love Rey?” Rose said next.

Hux rolled his eyes. “The man’s obsessed with her,” Hux said. “It’s the whole reason he’s here. He kept having visions of her getting hurt, and he called out for her. I insisted he handle it before the First Order lost faith in him as a leader.”

“I came here to save her life,” Kylo said. He shuddered. He did love Rey, but he couldn’t bear to say the words when there was no meaning to it. “I’ll leave when it’s done.”

Rose stepped into the room. “Did you lie about anything other than your name and background?” she asked Kylo.

“I did,” Kylo said, thinking back to the mind wipes and how much he had to hide. “I will not hurt you though, and I valued the friendship you had with Matt.”

“You don’t value it now?” Rose asked.

Kylo looked at her intently. “I dared not assume that there was still a friendship to value. I have deceived you, and I cannot help but be your enemy, since you are in the Resistance. I will protect you though, as much as my position allows me.”

“I still think we should just keep her in the First Order. Ren, she would be a fantastic addition to our--”

“Quiet, Hux.”

“Rey knows who you are, doesn’t she? And the general too, right?” Rose said. Kylo nodded, and Rose took a deep breath. “I’ll take a chance, then. First Order or not, no one else has been as nice to me as you have since my sister died. You didn’t lie, either… you said you had a bad history with Rey and had done horrible things… I just didn’t realize how horrible you were talking about. How could you!? How could you destroy the Hosnian System!?”

Kylo groaned. “Ask Hux. That was his masterpiece.”

“I prefer taking credit for the hyperspace tracking, actually, but yes, Starkiller Base was my project. A very effective method for eliminating major threats, if I may say so.”

Rose bristled, marched up to Hux, and tried to slap him. Hux caught her hand mid-motion though. “Please, Ms. Tico, I did enjoy our talk. Perhaps you could enlighten me on better ways to manage the survival of order in the galaxy.”

“Have you ever heard of a peace treaty?” Rose asked, ripping her hand away.

“I have. In fact, Kylo may be here to help his lady love escape mortal peril, but I am here to speak with General Organa and broker an end to the violence between our two groups. With Ren’s blessing, of course.”

Kylo snorted.

“Wait, really?” Rose asked. “You’re here to make peace? The war will be over!?” Hux nodded. Rose squealed and hugged Hux briefly before letting go to hug Kylo tightly. “I can’t believe it!” She let go and faced each of them in turn. “Wait, you’re not teasing me, are you? That wouldn’t be funny.”

“Hux intends to arrange peace,” Kylo said. “I am open to discussing terms with my mother. I am tired of being at war with her and Rey.”

Rose nodded. “This is seriously surreal, you know. I’m talking to the leaders of the First Order about peace with the Resistance and your love life with Rey and technically, you’re both my juniors at work, and… oh stars, I’ve been ordering you two around.”

“You have nothing to fear from me,” Kylo said. 

“Nor me,” Hux said. “I must say, Ms. Tico, I am very impressed. I envy that Ren has earned himself such a solid, brilliant, and beautiful friend.”

Rose gave Hux a dubious look, but turned back to Kylo. “So if we’re still friends, and you still want to talk to me, I want to know your full history with Rey this time. How on earth did you get to this point when you were on opposite sides of the war? And don’t tell me it’s when you kidnapped her.”

“It wasn’t,” Kylo said. “Let me start from the beginning.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Ren, you’re bloody mad,” Hux said when Kylo finished explaining his history with Rey. Kylo raised an eyebrow. “No, I mean it. I have seen you toss aside entire legions and wreck fleets in your fury, but this tops it. What possessed you to leave the woman you love sobbing by herself in her confusion over whether she wants to be with you or not? Furthermore, why go out of your way, potentially revealing your identity in the process, to recruit someone you can barely tolerate to ease her pain?”

Kylo shook his head. When Hux put it that way, Kylo’s choices had seemed like madness.

“Oh, don’t be an idiot, Hux. Isn’t it obvious that Kylo did it because he loves her?” Rose countered. Somewhere in the last hour or so, Rose had lost all fear of the two First Order leaders. Kylo appreciated this, especially as Rose would occasionally toss small broken bits of chairs and tables to land harmlessly on Hux whenever he said something that annoyed her. She did so again, and Hux smiled slightly, just like each other time.

Kylo shook his head again, but this time his disbelief was for how Hux and Rose got along. It was almost as if they enjoyed annoying each other.

“Finn won’t say anything if Rey tells him not to,” Rose said. Kylo raised an eyebrow, and Rose groaned. “Okay, yea, he would totally do whatever he wants regardless of what Rey says. Do you think he knows? I didn’t even know you could do that… project thoughts to other people.”

“I doubt he did either,” Hux said. 

Both Rose and Kylo sharply faced him, but Hux took the time to swirl his index finger in the small pile of debris that had fallen off him from Rose’s tiny assaults before responding. 

“Finn was a stormtrooper. Snoke did things to all the stormtrooper minds to make them more accessible for force users. Why did you think he was so afraid of Skywalker?” Hux paused on a piece of wood no bigger than his pinky finger, carefully lifted it, considered it a moment, and tossed it back at Rose. Rose blushed as if he had given her a bouquet of flowers instead of the remnants of Kylo’s rage.

“Snoke had not informed me,” Kylo said. The ease of his access to Finn's mind had surprised him too.

Hux snorted. “Of course not. Why would he? You were as big a threat as Skywalker. The bastard only kept you alive because you let him wield you like an extension of himself.”

Rose frowned. “How long were you two working for Snoke?”

“Life,” Hux muttered at the same time that Kylo said, “Years.”

Rose turned to Hux. “Life? You’ve never known anything else?”

Hux’s face soured and he threw a large piece of debris at Kylo, who ignored it. “Ren’s love life is why we’re here. Do try to stay focused, Rose.” Rose frowned and threw another small piece of debris at Hux. He didn’t smile this time, but his expression softened as he gazed at her.

Kylo furrowed his brow. He had never seen Hux appear so vulnerable as he was now. Kylo studied Hux, wondering if this development was yet another of Hux’s usual schemes or if Hux was genuinely off-balance. Hux noticed Kylo’s gaze after a moment and hardened his expression. Unintentional, then. The moment brought back how Rey had looked at him while lashing out at him for his many crimes, and Kylo shook his head.

“She sees me as a monster. I shouldn't impose on her more.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Did she tell you to go away?”

Kylo glared at Hux. “Her face said enough!”

“Actually,” Rose said, “Hux might be onto something here. Rey would have told you to leave if she wanted to be left alone. She may have wanted your help sorting out her feelings.”

Kylo froze as he processed this possibility. Rose was correct in that Rey was not shy about telling him when she didn't want him there. His heart plunged like a stone into an icy lake. “I left her there.”

Hux huffed, and Rose nodded. “You did,” she said. “What will you do?”

“I don't know.” Should he go back to her? Would she still be there? Finn was likely with her right now. Did that matter? Would she be angry? “What should I do?”

Hux stretched and stood up. “Well, talking to her would be a good start, wouldn't it? Alternatively, we could have lunch and let you introduce me to your mother to begin negotiations.”

Rose gasped and checked a chronometer from her pocket, “The mess starts clean-up for dinner in less than twenty minutes. We need to move if we want to eat.”

Hux offered her a hand up, but Rose stood without taking it. “I still don't like you,” Rose said quietly.

“You seemed to like Rax well enough,” Hux said.

“Rax didn't murder an entire planet system to be effective,” Rose snapped.

Hux wagged one long finger gently back and forth and tsked at her. “You only thought he hadn't, Ms. Tico. I have changed nothing other than my name and my appearance. Come now. We both support Ren and a mutually beneficial alliance between the First Order and the Resistance. Can we not be allies?”

Rose glanced between Kylo and Hux. “We can work together, but that doesn’t make us allies. How is this supposed alliance going to work, anyway? It’s not enough to just say we don’t want to fight anymore. The Resistance and the First Order have opposing values on freedom, political organization, military…”

Kylo had wondered the same things, of course, but he had not wanted to dampen Rose’s excitement by pointing them out. With Rey, he had not wanted her to get carried away. He wondered why he treated them differently when he cared for them both.

“Ms. Tico, I would be honored to have you join me for the talks with General Organa so that you may learn for yourself what might happen,” Hux said.

Rose spluttered. “But, I’m… I’m not anyone important!”

“You’re the personal friend of the Supreme Leader of the First Order and under his protection. I think you may find you have more power than you know,” Hux said. Kylo rolled his eyes, though Hux wasn’t wrong.

Rose took in a deep breath slowly and let it out in a rush. “I refuse to think about this on an empty stomach. Come on. Let’s get some food.”

“Go ahead without me. I need to find Rey,” Kylo said.

Rose glanced at Hux and back at Kylo. “I don't want to be left alone with him!”

Kylo frowned. Rose had been alone with Hux most of the morning, but that had been before she knew his identity. He wanted to see Rey though. He cringed and balled his fists as frustration filled him, but then released it quietly into the force. Fury could only cause more harm at this point. “Let's go. I'll escort you two to the mess hall.”

Hux and Rose were uncharacteristically quiet on the way there. Kylo was thankful for it. He didn't trust that he could attend other conversation properly, but he found it strange as Rose walked beside him and Hux followed just behind.

“Oh, she's here,” Rose said when they arrived. Kylo followed her gaze and found Rey sitting across from Finn at one of the few occupied tables in the massive room. Kylo froze, and Rose gave his arm a gentle push. “Go to her. I'll get us food.”

“What about--” Kylo said, glancing back at Hux.

Rose glanced at Hux too and shrugged. “Just go,” she said.

Kylo walked unsteadily to Rey, feeling as if he didn't quite remember how to put one foot in front of another. She showed no sign of her earlier distress as she chatted easily with Finn. Finn glanced up, waved casually, and returned his attention to Rey. Rey looked up then, but other than a slight widening of eyes, she gave no reaction as she turned back to Finn.

“May I join you?” Kylo asked as he reached them.

Finn shrugged and pulled out the seat next to him. “Have at. We're just discussing training regimens for the new recruits. Actually, you might have some good insights on that. I heard you did well with that group the other day, yesterday? Anyway, I heard you're a natural when not throwing a fit.”

Kylo sat down hesitantly, staying on the edge of his seat. “Fit?”

“He's referring to when you dismissed class because I was upset,” Rey said matter-of-factly, as if she hadn’t been bawling about how torn she was on her feelings for him less than an hour ago. Kylo narrowed his eyes in confusion and reached out with the force to see if Rey was acting. What he encountered felt like a steel wall around Rey, blocking him out. He nudged it through the force and earned a sharp look from Rey. He raised his eyebrows at her.

“Come to think of it, looks like you two could use some talking right now,” Finn said, glancing between them. “I’ll head on out.”

“You don’t have to,” Rey said, glancing to Finn.

Finn shook his head. “Look, I… I’m not stupid, Rey. I don’t know why you won’t tell me what’s going on, but it’s obvious it’s to do with him, and I don’t like seeing you like this, so since he’s here and looks like he’s willing to talk, talk to him. Come find me after if you want.”

Finn got up and left Rey alone with Kylo. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Kylo said the moment Finn was out of earshot.

Rey scowled. “Tell him what? That I’m struggling with how I feel about the enemy of the Resistance? No, I didn’t tell him. Why did you send him after me?”

“You needed a friend,” Kylo said.

Rey shook her head. “I’m not used to,” she paused and took a breath. “I’m not used to relying on others.” She looked at Kylo, and he could feel her walls crumble in the gaze. “I didn’t have anyone like that on Jakku. I know that… I know that I have people now, in the Resistance, but I’m still not used to asking for help.”

“You asked me for help,” Kylo said, thinking back to how Rey had come to him, soaked and crying out of her loneliness through the bond before they touched hands. He studied his hands now, and then hers, wondering what it would be like to feel her skin again.

“I did,” Rey said, deflated. “It’s bizarre. I trust you in a way I trust no one else, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Sadness washed over her like a wave. “You’ve done so many cruel things.”

Kylo hung his head. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked.

Rey stared at him, then shook her head. “No,” she said and sniffed. A tear rolled down her cheek. Kylo yearned to wipe it away, but he restrained himself.

“Why?” Kylo asked in a voice husky with emotion.

Rey met his eyes. “Because I do trust you, Kylo. There are so many reasons I shouldn’t, but I do. I don’t feel lonely when you’re here.”

Kylo nodded. He felt the same, of course. “I love you,” he said quietly. He frowned. He hadn’t meant to say that. The words had just slipped out on their own, and yet, he didn’t regret it. He looked up carefully to where Rey sat across the table with her mouth open in shock. “I… I don’t expect you to return it… my love, that is. I know I’m a monster, but I am a monster who loves you.”

Rey’s expression didn’t change, and Kylo sighed. He had gestured with his hands while speaking, and now he rested them on the table and stared at them. He had caused so much destruction with them, and so little beauty. They were monstrous, like him.

He heard Rey move, but he forced his focus to remain on his hands. He couldn’t bear to watch her walk away from him after his declaration. However, a moment later, he saw her own small hands cover his on the table.

“Thank you,” Rey said. He looked up and saw a faint smile form on her face, and her eyes shined with tears. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”


	20. Chapter 20

Kylo gazed in wonder at Rey's wet eyes and immersed himself in the sensation of her hands on his. She had not rejected him. Of course, she had not accepted him either, but she was still there, willing to touch him and look at him, despite knowing what he felt for her. He would embrace this moment. 

He opened himself to the force and felt that Rey had done the same. Their hands almost seemed to glow with the energy of the power they shared. Curiosity struck Kylo, and he turned his hands to hold Rey's to see what the force would do with more intimate contact. The force flashed between them, and Kylo felt something he never thought he would feel again.

Rey gasped across from him. “The bond,” she said.

“It's back,” Kylo said quietly.

Rey ripped her hands from his and narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you-”

“No,” Kylo said quickly. “I did not know what would happen.” His thoughts were chaos. He was connected to Rey again, this time in a way he could feel, but did she want this? Could he stand being connected to her if she grew to resent him again?

“I didn't ask for this,” Rey said. Her panic hit him then even though he had not tried to access her feelings. The bond transferred what it wished.

Kylo's eyes felt heavy with disappointment and grief. “I could try to reverse it.”

“No.” Rey met Kylo's eyes. “The force did this. We should not claim to be wiser than it.”

Disgust filled Kylo's heart that Rey would trust any authority before herself. Hadn't she been the one who taught him to trust his own heart? “I cannot agree with that. You do not know what the force wants.”

“You’re right. I don’t know what it has planned, but I trust it,” Rey said. 

“Blindly placing your faith in a master you cannot see will lead you to ruin, Rey,” Kylo hissed, thinking on his own experience with Snoke.

“The force is different, Kylo!”

“Oh look, a lover’s spat between the jedi of the Resistance and the leader of the First Order. Fortunate that Ms. Tico and I are the only witnesses. Someone might find you out,” Hux said. Rey and Kylo both turned to face Hux and Rose, who stood holding food trays at the end of the table.

“We weren’t sure if we should interrupt or not. We can go,” Rose said and tugged on Hux’s sleeve. He didn’t budge, but he offered her a sly smile. “Come on, Hux, let’s go.”

“Wait, Rose, how do you know about-” Rey said.

“I figured it out,” Rose said.

“She had help,” Kylo said and sighed. His conversation with Rey would have to wait. “Rose, Hux, take a seat,” Kylo said. Hux sat next to Kylo, and Rose chose the seat beside Rey. Hux placed an extra food tray in front of Kylo. Kylo decided to skip thanking Hux, considering the man's prior remarks.

Rey studied Rose as if she had suddenly grown horns and wings. “You’re okay with this?”

Rose sunk into herself a bit under Rey’s scrutiny. “Well, not really, but Matt… Kylo… whatever he wants to call himself, he’s been a really good friend, and Hux says he’s here to make an alliance, so… I don’t know, Rey! And the general and you have known all along what Kylo was and haven’t done anything even though you’re this huge hero, and-”

“Rose,” Rey said. Rose bit her lip to keep herself from talking. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know the force wills this… that Kylo be with me now.”

“You mean the Resistance,” Rose said. “The force wants Kylo to be with the Resistance.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow as Rey shook her head. “No, the force wants Kylo connected to me,” Rey said. Her expression was thoughtful, but somewhat disturbed. “He and I share a path together,” she said in a somber tone.

Kylo took a deep breath. “I’ll leave,” Kylo said. He couldn’t stand to be near her when she so obviously wished to be apart from him, and she was not crying this time. Her eyes shot open to stare at him, but he turned his attention to Hux. “Hux, you wanted to formally meet my mother?”

“We don’t have to leave this moment,” Hux said and lifted a fork full of food. “Some of us have to eat.”

“Then I’ll go ahead and warn her. She may need some time to gather her thoughts,” Kylo said and stood.

“What about your food?” Rey asked.

Kylo hesitated, debating whether to admit he had no appetite or point out that his training allowed him to ignore basic needs to some extent. Both were true, but both felt like an invitation to more discussion, and he wanted to escape. “It's not necessary,” he finally settled on, and he walked away to find his mother.

The force allowed him to locate General Organa easily, but finding a quick path to her was a different matter. He ended up stumbling through a variety of training exercises and other groups before finally locating her in a small meeting room with Poe Dameron. Both stood when Kylo entered.

Kylo did not acknowledge Poe as he stepped forward. “We need to talk,” he said to his mother.

“Now wait, Matt, you can't just barge in on a middle of a-”

“Dameron, leave us,” General Organa said.

Poe gave her a surprised look and followed it with a confused glance to Kylo. “Okay… I guess I'll be leaving then. We'll finish our discussion later?”

General Organa nodded, and Poe exited the room.

“What is it, Ben?” she asked.

“Hux is here,” Kylo said simply. “He is disguised as the new radar technician under the name Rax Arkanis.”

She took a deep breath and sat down, studying her fingers. “Did you invite him?”

“No,” Kylo said.

“What are his intentions?”

Kylo considered this. There were the intentions Hux shared, and the plans beneath the surface. “He declares that he wishes for an alliance between the Resistance and the First Order.”

“That's it?” Her skepticism was palpable.

“No. That's not it,” Kylo said and sighed. Awkward as it was, Hux's arrival appeared to largely be a matter of… Kylo shook his head. “I think I may have worried him. He claims to be serving the First Order's interests, but his actions suggest his primary objective is to look out for me.”

General Organa hardened her eyes. “You can't trust him, Ben. That man… you know what he's done.”

Kylo felt fury build in his heart. “And you know what I have done! Do you go around telling others not to trust me?!”

The icy steel in his mother's eyes melted into sorrow. “Of course not, Ben, but he is different from you. He has always been part of that side of things.”

Kylo sat down across from her and clenched the fabric of his jumpsuit’s pants. “You have always told me that hope is what the Resistance fights for. Can I not hope that Hux is not everything he was raised to be? Can I not hope that he and I may yet be redeemed for our monstrous pasts? That I may have a friend who understands what it was like to be manipulated by Snoke?”

General Organa trembled under his onslaught of questions. “I…” She frowned. “I never understood Luke's blind faith in his father.”

Kylo's temper cooled to freezing levels. “What does THAT man have to do with anything?”

Leia sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Ben, I fight for hope, because I don't want to live in a galaxy without it. But I never believed in people like Luke did.”

“You believe in me,” Kylo snarled.

She chuckled. “You're my son. I love you, and I believe in you now, but I have lost hope before, Ben. I didn't believe Luke would become a proper Jedi warrior. I didn't believe Han would come back during the battle with the first death star or that he would stay for the battle with the second death star. I didn't trust Lando either, and yet…” she took a deep breath.

There it was again, that flicker of the force encouraging him to ask about Lando.

“Even Luke. I even gave up on my own brother.”

“He gave up on himself,” Kylo said.

“Perhaps. Now where was I going with all this…”

“Mother, why isn't Lando with the Resistance?” Kylo asked. “What happened to him?”

Leia frowned. “You know, I don't know, and I have been trying to find out. Why do you ask?”

Kylo paused, realizing how much he would sound like naive Rey if he stated the force wanted him to find Lando. Then again, a force vision had been his entire justification for coming here.

“It's the force, isn't it?” she asked. Kylo looked up at her, and she smiled and raised an eyebrow at him. “I've felt it too, you know. I would like to know what he is up to, regardless. He always had such fascinating ideas for industry, but lately, it's as if I think of him, and the force says to find him.”

“Have you tried?” Kylo asked.

“Of course, but our resources are limited and primarily dedicated to tracking the movements of the First Order and potential sources for recruitment.”

“I believe that one of those objectives may no longer be relevant,” Kylo pointed out.

Leia chuckled lightly, “I suppose not. Are you sure Hux means to make a truce with us? And how is it that he is the one bringing this forward instead of you?”

Kylo squirmed in discomfort. “Our strengths differ,” he admitted, though he disliked that he lacked the skills of negotiation without involving brute force. 

“Well, I will speak to him. I expect I don't have a choice in the matter, after all.”

“No, Mother. You always have a choice,” Kylo said.

Leia studied her son. “You won't let him coerce me? As I recall, you have ships prepared to annihilate us at any moment.”

Kylo considered it. He had threatened his mother in joining them, and he could continue to do so. It would be a simpler solution than debating a thousand details on the distribution of power across the galaxy, but he was tired of hurting the people he loved. “You have my word,” he said.

Leia's eyes brimmed with tears and she smiled. “You've changed so much already. Was this all Rey's doing?”

Kylo looked away. Rey certainly had been the catalyst, but when he thought about it, his budding friendships with Rose and Hux had also restored pieces of him he thought lost forever. Even his interactions with Poe and Finn had helped, and, of course, there was his mother's love as well. Yet, all that would have been nothing if he had not held onto the hope that he could be seen as something other than a monster from before he ever met Rey.

The realization floored him. Yes, the others had been integral to his change, but he had never given up on himself even in his darkest moments.

“She really is a wonderful girl,” Leia said.

Kylo nodded, but he had, in that moment, recognized he was not as bad off as he had thought either.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux talk business, then Kylo goes to Rey's room to talk to her properly about the bond. He gets distracted.

Kylo and Hux sat side by side on Hux's bed examining a data pad together. A delighted Millie purred as she traveled back and forth between their laps, occasionally pausing to rub her head on the data pad, obstructing their view until one of the men scooted her away with more petting.

“You certain we can't put her back in her cage for this?” Kylo asked.

Hux scritched the underside of Millie's chin and ignored Kylo's question. “BB-9E reports no trouble in the First Order. The fleet remains in orbit just beyond the radar, and the research team has been tasked to find this Lando Calrissian as its first priority.”

“Thanks, Hux,” Kylo said. “And you intend to stay with the Resistance for now?”

Hux nodded. “We barely started with negotiations today. There's still much more to discuss. Furthermore, I'm rather enjoying this break from routine. There is something charming about the way they disregard ranks… and it is nice not to constantly be feared. I can see how you lost track of time with them.”

“I could probably be happy here if the First Order didn't need me,” Kylo admitted.

Hux grinned. “Except for that little fact that you would have to keep your true identity a secret. I do understand though. I am thankful for the power and prestige I have earned, but I do have envy for the man who is unknown… who can walk into a room and be anyone he wants to be without fear of his past catching up to him.” Hux scooped Millie into a hug, tucking the cat's small head against his own. Millie purred loudly in her approval. “I fear I must be satisfied with the likes of you and Millie for companionship.”

“And not Rose?” Kylo asked.

Hux eyed Kylo slyly. “I thought Ms. Tico was off-limits by order of my Supreme Leader.”

Kylo gave Hux a long look. “You're not allowed to toy with her or hurt her. I never said you couldn't be her friend in earnest.”

Hux looked away. “I'll keep that in mind. What is going on with you and the scavenger? You said the bond had been reforged?”

Kylo rolled his eyes at Hux's insistence on avoiding Rey's name. “I already told you she panicked at lunch when it happened. I haven't seen her since then.”

“But doesn't the bond allow you to see her anytime you wish?” Hux asked.

Kylo sighed. “I’m not so crass as to force myself on her, Hux,” Kylo said. He leaned back and crossed his arms behind his head to stare at the ceiling. The bond was different now. He could sense Rey constantly now, like an open window in his mind. He chose not to look through it, but he knew he could at any time. No wonder she was frightened.

“Now, Ren, if you’re going to sleep, sleep in your room. I have more work to do,” Hux said, tapping away at the data pad. “BB-9E has done an excellent job, but he cannot do everything.”

Kylo pulled himself up. “Anything I need to do?”

Hux paused. “Talk to her, Ren. It will only get worse if you avoid her. You know I’m right.”

Kylo frowned, but he did not counter Hux’s statements before leaving the room. It was late at night. Dinner had come and gone without Rey approaching him. Kylo didn’t feel right approaching her first when she was scared, but Hux was right. Kylo should talk to her. Of course, then there was the question of speaking with her in person or using the bond.

Nothing was simple, but Kylo decided to see Rey in person. This way, at least, he was not taking advantage of the bond she did not want.

He went to her room and knocked on her door. Voices hushed inside, and then the door opened to reveal Rose. “Hi, you can come in,” she said. Rose opened the door all the way, and Kylo entered to find Rey sitting cross-legged on her bed with her head down. Kylo stood dumbly by the door as Rose closed it again and leaned against it. After a moment of silence, Rose spoke up again, “So, what brings you here?”

Kylo cleared his throat. “The bond. I thought Rey and I should talk about it,” he said. Kylo took a step towards Rey and stopped. “Rey?”

Rey lifted her head and glanced at Rose. “You can go now,” she said. “I'll be okay talking to him.”

Rose hesitated. “You sure?”

Rey looked at Kylo, and the intensity of her eyes stole his breath away. “I'm sure,” she said.

“Well, good night then, you two,” Rose said as she slipped out the room and closed the door behind her.

Rey didn't look away from Kylo. He stared at her in silence, wondering at her thoughts and feeling the current of them within his reach through the bond, but he resisted opening it. He would not violate her.

“You can come closer,” Rey said.

Kylo glanced at the bed since there was no other seating. “May I sit down?” he asked.

Rey nodded and patted the spot immediately beside her. Kylo watched her carefully as he walked to her side and sat down where she indicated. Only a few inches separated his side from her folded legs, which were bare below the knee. He wondered what they felt like, and then burned with embarrassment for thinking of her that way when the bond could expose his thoughts.

“It's fine,” Rey said, though her cheeks burned with color. “We're meant to be together,” she whispered, as if she were afraid to admit it.

Kylo frowned. Whether they were meant to be together or not, she shouldn't sound so troubled. “Rey,” he said, wanting to reassure her, but his thoughts scattered when she reached out and used the force to lock the door. “Rey?” he asked.

“Face me,” she ordered. Kylo didn't argue. He pulled his legs onto the bed, shifted, and folded them in front of him so that their knees touched where bent. He left his hands resting on his thighs.

“Close your eyes,” Rey said. Kylo raised an eyebrow, and Rey blushed. “I want to touch you.”

Kylo closed his eyes immediately. He wasn't quite sure what was happening or why Rey suddenly wanted to do this with him, but he wasn't going to stop it either. He took a deep breath and waited.

Rey's movements were hesitant, as if she wasn't sure what to do. Kylo felt the bed creak and pressure against his legs as she leaned forward. Her breath fell against his face, and he felt his fake glasses slide off his face, followed shortly by the wig. Her hands stroked his hair free, feeling cool against his sweaty scalp. He longed to touch her too, but he feared startling her out of whatever this was.

Rey braced herself on Kylo's shoulders, and he felt a gentle pressure on his head that was like a kiss, but he wasn't certain until he felt her lips over the scar on his cheek a moment later. Kylo inhaled sharply and gripped the fabric of his jumpsuit to keep himself still. She let go of his right shoulder, and he felt her finger trail down the scar to his chin, where she then cupped his jawline. Her thumb pressed against his bottom lip and nudged it open. Kylo gasped and opened his eyes. 

Rey's face was inches from his own, but she pulled back and removed her thumb quickly when their eyes met. Her cheeks flamed, and she avoided his eyes. “I don't want you to watch,” she said.

Kylo almost asked why, but he feared breaking the spell further. He closed his eyes again instead and waited. Rey shifted in front of him, and he tried to calm his racing heart and empty his mind of all the fears and doubts that plagued his thoughts. He wanted this moment with Rey, whatever it was.

Her hand touched his neck and slowly slid to the collar of his shirt, where her fingers splayed beneath the fabric against his collarbone before returning to rest on his neck. Her other hand combed his hair before resting against his scalp, buried deep in his hair. Kylo nuzzled against it, and a faint smile came to his lips at the simple pleasure of being touched by someone he loved. She gasped and froze, and Kylo realized he must have sent that thought down the bond.

“Sorry,” he said in a low, quiet voice.

“Don't be,” Rey whispered. “I'm just not used to…” She paused. “Jakku was not a kind place to grow up.”

“You deserved better,” Kylo said, and with that thought came grief, because she deserved better than him too, and they both knew it.

“Stop,” Rey ordered firmly, and she removed the hand from his neck to place a finger on his lips, hushing him.

His mind emptied of everything but the sensation of her finger against his lips. He kissed it chastely, and when she did not protest, he tilted his mouth to kiss it more thoroughly. Rey bent the finger slightly, and he sucked it into his mouth, licking and nibbling her flesh. Tasting her skin gave him goosebumps, and he could hear her own breathing grow ragged.

Rey hooked her finger in his mouth and kissed his cheek before carefully pulling the finger out. Kylo wondered for a second if he had gone too far when he felt Rey shift again on the bed and crawl into his lap. She wrapped an arm around his neck and held his face carefully with her free hand. Her chest was fully against his, and her thighs pressed against his sides. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and Kylo moved his hands to her back and pulled her tight to him.

“I love you,” he said as he breathed in her scent, a mix of sweat, engine grease, and something he couldn't quite identify that was uniquely Rey. His eyes were still closed, and though he wished to see her face, he relished the feel of her hair on his cheek, the sound of her uneven breathing, and the warmth of her body.

Then Kylo felt Rey pull back just a moment before he felt the touch of her lips on his, at first chaste, but the hunger that drove him was reflected in her, and soon all was lost to the sensation of being together.

Kylo lost track of time. His heart was full to bursting, and though other parts of him demanded attention, he shut them off to focus on what Rey wanted. He would not rush her. For all the intensity of their kissing, her hands had not strayed below his shoulders, and so he kept his own firmly behind her back where they would not stray too easily, though he could not resist massaging her back as they kissed.

When Rey broke off the kiss and leaned her forehead against his, his lips were swollen from the exchange, and he felt breathless. He could hear her panting too. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to claim her in every sense, but she stayed put.

“What are you thinking?” Kylo asked as their breathing calmed.

“That was nice,” Rey said.

Kylo laughed and opened his eyes. “Just nice?” he asked her, still smiling. Her eyes were so close that their lashes tangled.

Rey blushed. “Very nice,” she amended before pulling her head back from his. “You look different when you're smiling… almost like a different person.” She frowned and furrowed her brow.

“What is it?” he asked. He tucked a loose hair behind her ear and caressed her jawline as he withdrew his hand. He leaned forward and kissed it too. He had come to her room to talk, but he was very receptive to more kissing instead. She didn't move away, so he placed another kiss closer to her lips, and another.

“I wish you were a different person,” Rey said softly.

The warmth in his heart snuffed out as thoroughly as if it had been dunked in ice water. Anger followed, and he straightened himself up and removed his hands from her. “Explain,” he growled.

Rey glared at him, returning his anger. “You were my enemy!” she hissed. “You kidnapped me, you raped my mind, you tried to kill me, you let me be tortured by Snoke…”

Kylo formed a fist and slammed the bed. “And I saved your life!” he hissed back. “I tried to spare you the worst of the First Order interrogation methods, I offered to teach you…”

“You tried to convert me to the dark side!”

“You always had the dark side in you, Rey. I was trying to help you control it before it controlled you!”

“You tried to annihilate everyone and everything I loved!”

“You rejected and abandoned me after I threw away everything to save you!”

“You came here swearing you would kill me again!”

“And I can't because I still love you!” Kylo shouted, and his face crumpled as his fury melted with grief. “I can't help it, Rey.” He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Why did you kiss me if you don't want me? Why are you still in my lap if you wish I were someone else?”

Rey bit her lip. “The bond.”

“What about it?” Kylo asked.

“It chose us to be together.”

Kylo frowned as things clicked into place. “You seduced me because you thought that was what the force wanted you to do?”

Rey didn't meet his eyes, though embarrassment painted her entire face and ears.

Kylo took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to think of what to say. Was there even an appropriate response to finding out the woman he loved made out with him because she thought the force wanted her to?

“To what end, Rey?”

Kylo hadn't thought it possible, but Rey's blush deepened in intensity. “Rose thought that the force intended us to have children together. They would be powerful.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “Rey, kissing doesn't lead to--”

“I know that. I just wanted to see what it would be like… what you would be like,” she said.

“Is there someone else?” Kylo asked. He wasn't happy with her motive, but he might be able to live with it.

“No one,” Rey said.

“And you are attracted to me?” Kylo asked. He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he still sighed in relief when she nodded.

“But you don't love me,” Kylo said. He waited for her to confirm or contradict him, but she was silent. There was hope.

Kylo took her hand in his and rubbed circles on her palm. “Last night, you were waiting for me in my room. You acted like you wanted to kiss me then.”

“I did,” Rey said. “And earlier today, when we worked on repairs together.”

Kylo brought her hand to his lips and kissed the palm gently. “We weren't bonded then,” he pointed out before returning her hand to her side.

Rey trembled, and he leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “Kiss me again?” he asked.

Rey met his lips in a heartbeat, and Kylo wrapped his arms back around her. He wanted her to love him. He wanted her to want him, but for now it was enough to know she desired him with and without the bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Sorry about the two-month delay on updates.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux have breakfast with Rose, Finn, and Poe. After, they get to work, but not without discussing Rose's love life, personal growth, and what happened between Kylo and Rey the night before.

“Wake up, Ky-- err, Matt! A star cruiser malfunctioned last night and rammed one of our fighter carriers. We have a lot of work to do today.”

Kylo groaned and sat up. “I'm up, Rose. I'm up.” He ran a hand through his real hair before grabbing the blond wig and shoving it on his head. The fake glasses came a moment later. He yawned, stretched his arms, and hopped out of bed to get to work.

A few minutes later, Kylo was holding a tray full of food and searching the cafeteria for his friends, a concept still so new to him that he smiled when he realized what he was doing. 

“You're in a suspiciously good mood,” drawled a low voice next to him.

Kylo turned just in time to see Hux trying to stifle a yawn just behind him while holding his own breakfast tray. “Have you seen Rose or Rey?” Kylo asked.

“Not yet. Ah, no, there's Rose,” Hux said and nodded towards a table in a far corner. “Not alone, though.”

Kylo looked and found Rose sitting with Finn and Poe. He raised an eyebrow. Hux had not been introduced to either man to his knowledge since his arrival in disguise, and yet he knew of both of them by name. Kylo smirked. This would be entertaining. “Let's go sit with her,” Kylo said and beelined for her as Hux dutifully followed.

Rose smiled with delight as she saw them approaching. “Good morning, you two! Err, Rax, have you met Poe Dameron and Finn yet?” Rose asked, gesturing to Poe, who sat across from Finn, and Finn, who sat beside her.

Finn narrowed his eyes at the sight of them. “Why are all of your new hires good-looking, tall men?”

Poe smirked and gave Hux a bold smile. “Very good-looking.” Poe stood and pulled out the chair next to him, across from Rose. “Hello there, Rax. I'm Poe Dameron. If there's anything you need, just let me know.”

Kylo slipped into the seat on the other side of Rose and struggled not to laugh as he waited for Hux's reaction when Poe took Hux's hand in his own and winked. However, Hux surprised him.

“Ah, the courageous Poe Dameron. I'm honored. They say you found the location of Luke Skywalker and escaped Kylo Ren himself with the aid of a stormtrooper, then led the attack on Starkiller Base. Didn't you also trick the First Order into stalling an attack on the Resistance Base too?” Hux stepped into Poe's space and closed Poe's hand within his own. “They say you're awfully brave, Commander,” Hux finished in a low voice.

Poe sputtered and blushed. “It's Captain now, actually. I was demoted after a misunderstanding outside Crait.”

“Yea, and I helped him with half that stuff. I'm the stormtrooper!” Finn interjected. “I'm also his best friend, just so you know. That position is taken.”

Poe laughed full-heartedly, clapped Hux on the back, and sat back down to face Finn. “Too true, Finn. No one could take your place in my heart,” Poe said. 

“That's right,” Finn stated smugly.

“I wouldn't dare intrude on your attachment,” Hux said as he slid into the seat next to Poe and across from Rose. “I'm honored to meet you as well, Finn. Weren't you the one who braved the Supremacy in disguise to save the Resistance?”

Finn's wariness of Hux melted like butter under a hot knife, and he cheerfully expounded on the entire mission, which had apparently started on Canto Bight of all places. Hux listened greedily with much praise and flattery as Finn and Poe spilled the entire story.

Kylo glanced at Rose to see how she was taking in this exchange and nearly snorted. Rose's face was contorted into such a mix of shock, confusion, disgust, and amusement that she hardly looked like herself. “Rose, are you okay?”

Hearing Kylo's voice seemed to bring her back to reality. “Huh? Oh, yea. I'm fine. I'm just watching two heroes of the Resistance give up nearly everything they know to a stranger they literally just met. I'm great.”

Kylo's mirth burst, and he chuckled openly, drawing the attention of all three men. 

Hux's eyes warmed at the sight, and he pointed his fork at Rose in between bites of food. “You are absolutely a keeper, Ms. Tico.”

Rose blushed, and Poe and Finn exchanged a serious look. “Uh, Rose?” Finn said. “I would really like to, umm… Can we talk?”

Rose deadpanned. “We're talking right now.”

“Later, I mean, in private,” Finn amended. 

Rose paused. “I'm actually really busy today, Finn. If you want to talk to me later, ask me later.” She stood up and picked up her tray in one motion while Finn gaped. “Are you two ready to get started?” she asked Hux and Kylo.

“Ready,” Kylo replied. He had hoped to see Rey at breakfast, but he was happy to help Rose escape, and they did have a lot of work to do. Hux stood up, and the three of them disposed of their trays before leaving the cafeteria. 

Hux chuckled after they stepped into an elevator to the launch bay. “Well done rejecting Finn, Ms. Tico. Has he been bothering you very much?”

Rose swayed, and Kylo caught her shoulders to help her stay upright. “I'm an idiot,” she said in a miserable voice. Hux gave her a confused look, and Rose groaned. “I like him,” she explained. “But it’s not going anywhere. I want to move on from him.”

Hux opened his mouth, paused, then closed it. He took a deep breath, exhaled, and faced Rose. “Do you require disposal of the former stormtrooper?”

“No!” Rose shook her head frantically. “I don't want him gone. I just want to think about someone else.” She stepped out of Kylo’s support, leaned against the wall of the elevator, and hugged herself. Her eyes were downcast, and her lips pressed out in a slight pout.

Kylo glanced at Hux, who was intently gazing at Rose. After a moment, Hux glanced to Kylo as if asking permission. Kylo sighed. Kylo was fairly certain that Rose could do better than Hux, but that didn’t mean she would not benefit from him now.

Hux faced Kylo and snapped to attention with a heel-click that broke Rose’s melancholy. “Requesting permission to court Ms. Rose Tico.”

“What!?” Rose cried.

“Permission granted,” Kylo said without hesitation. He had come to trust Hux, and, whatever happened, he suspected the distraction would be good for Rose right now. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Rose said, looking between the two men. 

Kylo and Hux merely looked at her with raised eyebrows. The elevator stopped and the door opened. Kylo stepped out and turned back to see Hux offering Rose his arm.

Rose stared at the arm and Hux dubiously. “I’m going to need time to think about this,” she said and stepped around him to exit first. 

Hux shrugged and followed her out. “Take all the time you need,” Hux said as the elevator doors closed behind him. “You are a beautiful woman and have a fascinating mind. I don’t mind waiting.”

Rose froze in her tracks. “Oh. Umm… okay.” She frowned. “Thanks.”

They boarded a shuttle and flew to the job site in near silence. Rose carefully stayed closer to Kylo than Hux when there was an option. Hux didn't seem to mind, which didn't surprise Kylo. Hux was not one to be upset by minor setbacks after his years toying with research and development. After they got to the repair location, they exited the shuttle and got to work quietly.

Kylo appreciated the quiet. He had not yet had time to think on his exchange with Rey the night before, and what it meant that they had kissed when she was so conflicted.

“Rose,” he said, interrupting a quiet discussion between Hux and Rose on the best way to repair a damaged antennae. Rose looked up. “What did you discuss with Rey last night?”

Rose grinned. “That's right! How did last night go?” Hux also stopped what he was doing and attended their conversation.

Kylo debated how to respond and decided on the simplest truth. “She kissed me.” He grinned as Rose let out a squeal of delight and Hux looked decidedly pleased. “Then I kissed her, and we kissed each other.”

Rose clutched a wrench as she hopped up and down in her excitement to the obvious amusement of Hux and Kylo. “I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”

Kylo's grin faded into something self-deprecating. “She said that she doesn't know her feelings and that she kissed me because that's what the force wanted.”

Rose's delight fell, and Hux's face turned downright murderous. “What?” Hux said in a quiet, dangerous tone.

Kylo held up a hand to calm Hux. While Hux's loyalty was endearing, acting on it would only get Hux killed. “She's confused, and I am her enemy in several contexts. She's right to be confused. I have been kind to her, but my hands still drip in the blood of her allies, her friends, even her teacher. It was not for lack of trying that I failed to kill Luke Skywalker. I even wanted to kill her.”

The wrench Rose was holding plummeted to the ground. “What?”

Kylo sighed, and Hux ran a hand through his wig, and on hitting it, pulled it off and stuffed it in his pocket. Kylo gave him a look, and Hux rolled his eyes and pulled a comb out of a pocket to straighten his real hair. “Anyone paying attention would already know you’re Kylo Ren. I see no reason to prolong my discomfort.”

Kylo thought about it and yanked his own wig off too with the glasses. 

“You wanted to kill Rey?” Rose asked. “But that was before you got to know her, right?”

Kylo's eyes fell. “After. At Crait. I had lost all hope.”

Rose blanched. “You left that part out when you told us your history with her.”

Kylo looked Rose in the eye. “I warned you that I have done awful things. It's true I do not enjoy torturing innocents, but I have done it. It's true I do not enjoy killing, but I was prepared to slaughter the entire Resistance in rage. Rey called me a monster before. She was not wrong to do so.”

Hux walked to Kylo and clapped his shoulder firmly, leaving his hand to rest there. “You are not alone, Ren. While we are confessing, I think it proper to share my own misdeeds, lest Rose think I am something safer than you.” He turned his head just enough to peer at Rose.

“Rose, unlike Ren here, I grew up delighting in the terror and absolute power of torturing others. As a young boy, I ordered my first soldiers to fight each other to the death. I have killed and plotted my way through the ranks my entire life. I killed my own father.”

Kylo sighed. “Actually, we do have that in common.”

Hux ignored Kylo and continued. “Rose, when I saw you on the Supremacy, all I could think was how wonderful it would be to take something beautiful from the Resistance and ruin it in every sense possible before I destroyed it.”

Rose's knees wobbled, and she stumbled her way to a sitting position, her eyes locked on the two men in terror.

Hux let go of Kylo and knelt down in front of Rose. “It would have been an absolute waste of an amazing woman, and I am eternally grateful that I was both prevented from committing such an act against you and allowed the opportunity of getting to know you. You deserve better than the likes of us for friends, but we are your friends, for better or worse.”

Hux offered her a hand up, but he withdrew it when Rose scooted to the nearby wall and leaned on it instead. “Kylo, I shouldn't have pushed Rey to kiss you,” she said. “I didn't know… Does Rey know? That you wanted to kill her?”

Kylo nodded. “I told her, several times, actually. I wanted her to stay away from me because I know I don't deserve her.” He went and sat beside Rose, abandoning all pretense of working. “She didn't listen.”

Hux glanced at the spot on Rose's other side and gave her a questioning look.”May I?” he asked. Rose hesitated, but nodded, and Hux claimed the spot for himself with a healthy distance between him and Rose.

Rose looked at Kylo. “If you don't believe you deserve her, why let her kiss you? Why kiss her back?”

Kylo pulled out the blond wig and glasses for something to fiddle with while he organized his thoughts. “I spoke with my mother yesterday, before you all started the negotiations. She said that Rey was an amazing person to believe in me, and I realized something. I had never stopped believing in myself.”

“Your point?” Hux asked.

“I can change,” Kylo said. “I can leave my past behind me… kill it, if I have to.” He smirked.

Hux lurched forward, leaning over Rose to glare at Kylo. “Do not dare destroy everything we have worked towards, Ren.”

“That's not… the First Order is safe from me, Hux. It's just something I used to tell myself, something I even told Rey. I had always used it to help me leave my light behind. I never thought to turn it on my darkness.”

Hux relaxed and returned to his former position. “Careful, Ren. You don't exist without your darkness.”

“I don't plan to eliminate it, but perhaps some parts. There are better ways to gather information than menacing others. You were phenomenal this morning, Hux. How come you never got sent on missions to collect information?”

Hux snorted. “Ah, but the infamous son of Brendol Hux could not do something so menial as missions, dear Ren. He was meant for greatness as a leader! I'm fortunate I was able to get away with my research.”

“Odd. I always thought you liked having everyone under your thumb,” Kylo said.

“Who said I don't? But even I have hobbies, and look how they have led me to Ms. Tico's side. Are you feeling better, Rose? Your heart rate has slowed down.”

Rose nodded, though the jerky motion suggested to Kylo that she was still not quite recovered from the reality of him and Hux. “Hux? Or do you prefer a different name?”

Hux considered it. “I think it would be nice for someone to call me Armitage.”

Rose took a deep breath. “Armitage, then, are you planning to put the darkness behind you too? Like Kylo is?”

“Would it please you?” Hux asked. Rose gave him a suspicious glare, and Hux smiled widely. “I haven’t given as much thought to my darkness and my light as our former jedi has, but I suspect I have already changed quite a bit, and perhaps I have always been changing… for my delights as a child were far crueler than my delights as an adult. I had told myself for a time that I simply became more efficient in avoiding such horrors, and therefore more effective, but I believe now I had simply lost interest in them somewhere along the way. The very fact that Ren and I are working together now for peace with the Resistance instead of against each other for dominance of the galaxy is already very telling.”

Silence fell over them, though none of them seemed particularly bothered by it. Kylo suspected Rose did not know how to respond to Hux’s explanation. He did not know what to say himself, but he was relieved to hear Hux confirm what Kylo suspected: There was hope for both of them.

After a few minutes passed, Rose leaned forward off the wall. “We should get back to work.” She crawled into a crouch, stumbled, and looked to Hux. “I could use a hand up if you’re still offering.”

Hux calmly stood up, clasped her hand, and pulled her to her feet. After Rose was stable, Hux let her go and offered the same hand to Kylo. “And since we’re done exposing ourselves, I would say it’s time to put the wigs back on, right, Ren?”

Kylo sighed and took Hux’s hand, allowing himself to be pulled up. “It would be wise,” he said.

They rearranged their disguises, and Hux picked up the wrench and returned it to Rose. “One more thing, Ren,” Hux said. “I’m astonished you let Rey kiss you with the force as her motive. I thought you were too noble to kiss someone who was not certain of her feelings for you.”

Kylo frowned, for the same thought had haunted him as he kissed her the second time and ever since. “She didn’t kiss me because of the force. It may have been what pushed her over the edge, but she already wanted to kiss me.”

“Well, I’m relieved to hear you were not a complete fool, but you said she doesn’t know her feelings,” Hux said.

“I refuse to believe Rey would want to kiss someone she did not care about deeply,” Kylo said. “Force or not, I’m in her heart.”

“You are,” Rose said. Both men looked to her in surprise. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure how much I should say something earlier, but she and I talked a long time yesterday after she discovered I knew your identities… she’s not conflicted because she doesn’t love you. She’s conflicted because she does love you, and she doesn’t want to because of who you are. I didn’t understand why she was so disturbed by her feelings then, so I encouraged her to trust the force and see what being with you was like.”

The similarity of Rose’s words to Rey’s excuses haunted Kylo’s heart even as it filled with hope. “Why tell me now?”

Rose shrugged. “You already knew, and while I understand why she’s scared, you are changing, aren’t you? Both of you are.”

Kylo and Hux looked at Rose, then settled their gazes on each other. “Imagine if Snoke could see us now,” Kylo said. Hux chuckled loudly, and they got back to work.


	23. Chapter 23

Kylo, Hux, and Rose finished their list of repairs early and decided to stroll in an outdoors market near the shipyard of the last repair rather than return immediately to the Resistance base. The weather was awful, but no one objected. Kylo suspected Rose and Hux wanted the excuse to spend more time together, for though Rose was still sometimes frosty towards Hux, it was clear she enjoyed Hux’s attention and flattery. Kylo, for his own part, had found that Rey had essentially blocked his access to her through the bond, and he was not looking forward to discovering why.

The dark gray clouds above muted the world around them. Even the sound was slightly muffled from the brisk wind that blew through. However, they all still heard the beeps of a datapad alert amongst them. “More work?” Kylo asked Rose as she looked at her datapad.

“It’s not me,” she said, confused.

“It’s mine. For keeping in touch with the fleet,” Hux explained, holding up his own. 

“Problems?” Kylo asked.

Hux shook his head. “No, just an update on research. Excuse me. I’ll be back shortly.”

“Don't take long,” Rose said. “The sky looks like it's ready to pour.”

Hux offered her a small smile before he nodded and headed off.

Rose sighed as she watched Hux disappear into the crowd. “It would be easier if I could just hate him,” she said after a moment. Kylo smirked. “Don’t give me that look! You know what he’s done. I don’t know what to do. I would have never in a thousand years guessed I might end up acquaintances with him, let alone possibly friends with the option of more… How does Rey stand it!?” she asked and threw her hands up with a growl.

“I don’t know,” Kylo answered honestly. He wondered the same. It was easier for him. Rey may have destroyed his trust, but she never killed anyone he loved or went out of her way to destroy something he fought for. Her missions were all about saving people and improving her ability to protect others. His, on the other hand… he sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Have you heard from her since last night?” They began walking again, and their boots made squelching noises as they moved down the muddy path.

“No, and she’s been ignoring my attempts to reach her through the bond.”

“That’s odd,” Rose said. She stopped to admire a display of flowers and other arrangements. “Maybe she’s just busy? How did you part last night, anyway? I mean, you told me what happened, but not… how it stopped? I guess? Was she upset?”

Kylo shook his head. “I stopped things. I started second-guessing what we were doing and told her it was getting late, so I needed to go.” He stopped at the flowers as well and admired a purple arrangement that reminded him of Rey for some reason. He considered buying it for her, then sighed, wondering whether gifts would be welcome under the current circumstances. “She was confused… I told her that was okay. We could talk later.”

“And then what?” Rose asked.

“She was anxious, and she started to panic, so I used the force to put her into a sleep and left.”

Rose froze and stared at Kylo with wide eyes. “Wait, what!? Seriously? Matt! No wonder she’s upset. You don’t do that!” She growled and ran her hands through her hair as she took deep breaths. Kylo stared at her with a mix of confusion and concern. “Look, I know you’re not used to… normal things, but you don’t just knock someone unconscious when they’re distressed.”

Kylo frowned. “She was exhausted, and she would not have rested well without my help.”

Rose sighed. “Did you ask her if she wanted your help?” 

Oh. Kylo grimaced and focused very carefully on the flowers to avoid looking at Rose. Did Rey even like flowers? It occurred to him that he actually knew very little about her.

“The purple flowers would be lovely as part of an apology. You should get them for her,” Rose said. “I’m sure that if she’s forgiven everything else you’ve done, she’ll forgive this too. It’s not like you’re intentionally violating consent… you’re just… new to considering these things.” Rose bit her lip and tugged on Kylo’s sleeve. “I’ve got it. I’ll help you shop for an apology gift. Get the flowers, and I’ll help you sort the rest out. Come on.”

Kylo did not protest. 

A few minutes later, Hux found them inspecting the wares at a jewelry stand. “What’s this?” Hux asked instead of greeting them. His posture was stiff, and a frown tugged at the corner of his mouth. Kylo stepped away from Rose on reflex at Hux’s expression, but Hux only shook his head slightly. Rose, if she noticed Hux’s stormy mood, did not react to it.

“Welcome back,” Rose said. “I’m helping him shop gifts for Rey. We can’t decide between these two sets. What do you think?” She held up a set of jewelry in each hand as an attentive clerk hovered nearby. 

“Get her both, if you like. He can easily afford it, and without pierced ears, the scavenger is unlikely to appreciate either,” Hux growled.

Rose froze and tilted, like something had cracked inside, before she put both sets back. “Sorry, I thought…”

Kylo put a steadying hand on Rose's shoulder. “No need to apologize, Rose. It's not your fault that he turns into an insufferable git when he's in a bad mood. So, what's happened with the fleet? Are we under attack?” Kylo asked. He felt the force rally with him as he prepared himself for Hux's news.

Hux shook his head. “No, the fleet's fine. I thought there would be more time here before we found him.” Hux held out his datapad for Kylo.

“Found who?” Rose asked. 

Kylo took the datapad from Hux and examined the file Hux had pulled up. The data was seven years old, but the holo was definitely of Lando Calrissian shaking hands with another person just outside a jungle like the one in Kylo's vision. Lando had shaved his head and grown a beard, but there was no mistaking his smile. The holo description stated it was a record of purchase for land on the planet, which would be developed for special use. No information was given about what the special use was. A series of articles were attached that reported sounds of construction, but no building permits had been filed. A second set of articles reported the mysterious deaths of the authors to the previous articles. Kylo narrowed his eyes. What had Lando gotten himself into?

“It's old, but the deed is still his, and there is no record of death,” Hux added. “Given the nature of the articles, his presence there seems likely.”

“He's there,” Kylo said with confidence. This was where the force wanted him. Furthermore, it was where the vision took place. He could feel it. He handed the datapad back to Hux and looked to Rose. “We’re looking for Lando Calrissian. He fought with the rebellion in the final battles with the Empire.” He turned back to Hux. “What do you suggest?”

“Take the fleet. Check it out. Find out what happened to him.”

Kylo took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “With his history, he’s not likely to come out of hiding with a fleet of Star Destroyers overhead. We’ll need to go smaller. Perhaps involve my mother as well. She has been looking for him as well, and he knew and trusted her.”

Hux narrowed his eyes. “What of the vision? His land matches your description, and I know you, Ren. I can see it in your eyes. This is the place, isn’t it? Why not bring Rey?”

Kylo glared. Though he had not objected to Hux’s plan to intentionally bring the vision to fruition, he found himself reluctant now that the plan was becoming a reality. What if he couldn’t save Rey when the time came? Furthermore, Rey was not even speaking to him right now. How did he know she would let him stay close enough to even try saving her? “My vision involved Rose and Finn as well. You aren’t suggesting I bring all of them with me?”

“I thought the whole reason you were with the Resistance was to keep her from dying in your vision,” Hux countered.

“I don’t want to put Rey into danger, Hux!” Kylo shouted and grabbed the front of Hux’s shirt in a fist. “What if I can’t save her? Would you have me be responsible for her death?”

“Umm, guys?” Rose said.

“I can’t have you frolicking around the Resistance forever, Ren! The First Order needs its Supreme Leader!” Hux snapped.

“GUYS!” Rose shouted. They both turned to her slowly. “We should really, really, REALLY move somewhere more private for this talk, okay?”

As Kylo calmed down, he noticed the increased murmuring of the people around them. They were still in the middle of the marketplace, surrounded by humans and other creatures who were now pointing at them and whispering to each other. Fear fell thick upon the bystanders, and already several were hurrying away.

“Right,” Kylo said and let go of Hux. He took a deep breath and considered his options. There weren't any good ones. They had called each other by their real names publicly, and it was clear the dots had been connected from the naked fear in the eyes of those around them. With the runners, half the planet would undoubtedly know that the First Order leadership was on the planet in disguise within minutes. If they were lucky, no holos had been taken, but if not… several of the people flinched as Kylo's gaze fell across them, and a young mother whimpered and clutched her child to her chest.

“Rose, Hux, stand behind me,” Kylo ordered.

“You won't hurt them, right?” Rose asked. Hux stepped behind Kylo and pulled Rose with him. Rose’s eyes were on the mother and child. “Kylo?”

“I won't,” Kylo promised. Kylo reached his arm out and steadily spun in a circle, causing everyone before him to pass out where they stood. He caught them with the force before they dropped to the ground. Sweat beaded on his forehead from the effort. “Help me lower them.”

Hux and Rose quickly got to work, starting with moving the child and the mother from Kylo's force grip to a safe resting position and then moving onto the others similarly in need. Kylo struggled to maintain so many people at once. For all his ability in the force, finesse had never been one of his strengths. “Hurry!” he snapped as he felt his control begin to slip.

“Nearly got them,” Rose said.

“You can let go,” Hux said a moment later. 

Kylo released his hold and gasped in relief. He heard the sound of settling as gravity closed the distance left between the figures and the ground, but nothing fell more than a couple inches. Rose checked on the child again before she ran to Kylo and gave him a hug. 

“Thank you for keeping them safe,” Rose said before releasing Kylo and stepping away. She gave Hux a brief hug too. “And thank you for helping me, even if you thought it was a waste of time.”

Hux frowned at her even as he returned the embrace. “What makes you think-”

“You gave me an incredulous look when I asked him not to hurt them,” Rose said, giving Hux a knowing look before releasing him.

“Very astute, Ms. Tico,” Hux said quietly. “I am not overly concerned with those foolish enough to eavesdrop on us, but it is honorable for you to consider their safety.” He sighed and pulled out his datapad. He tapped it quickly and put it back away. “I've ordered a shuttle to home in on the location of the datapad. We need to move quickly if we don't want to undo all our hard work to keep these civilians safe.” He looked at Rose, every feature of his hanging limply, and then took a deep breath and straightened his posture. “Ms. Tico, it's been an honor,” he said briskly. He bowed briefly and pivoted away to stand at attention facing Kylo.

“Wait, what!?” Rose said. She followed Hux and stood between the two men, grabbing each by an arm. “You’re leaving me?”

Kylo gazed at Rose, thinking of how far their friendship had come with a pang. This was the end of Matt's employment with the Resistance. He had enjoyed his experience of Matt, and now he was returning to a world where only Hux would speak to him without fear. The hole in his heart grew, but there was nothing to be done. He could not stay. “Rose, unless you plan to join us in the First Order, this is where we say goodbye,” he said. 

Rose's jaw dropped, and she wordlessly shook her head. “But you can't leave me yet! You're the only friends I've got.”

Hux gazed at where her hand held his arm in place before looking to Kylo. “You know, Ren, we could really use an advisor. Someone to speak for the common man.”

Rose shook her head, and tears spilled out. “The Resistance, I can't betray them. They would never understand, and I don’t even agree with the First Order’s goals. I hate them.”

Hux froze, furrowed his brow, and shook his head sadly. “It’s too late,” he said.

Cold settled on Kylo’s heart as he realized what Hux meant. They were surrounded by witnesses to her involvement with them as an ally. His mother would not be able to protect her. The odds of her returning to the Resistance without being treated like a traitor were low. 

“Ren, we have to. She can’t stay.”

“What do you mean I can’t stay!?” Rose said, backing away from them.

Kylo sighed. Hux was right. “Rose, I'm sorry.” Kylo put her into a force sleep at the same moment Hux lunged forward to catch her as she fell. “She'll be out for a while,” Kylo said as Hux hoisted Rose over his shoulder. “Where to?”

“This way,” Hux said.

The two men remained silent as they jogged out of the market to a flat patch of land outside. “How long?” Kylo asked when Hux stopped and passed Rose to Kylo. The clouds were too thick to see through.

Hux pulled out the datapad and aimed it at the sky. A moment later, he pulled it back down and checked it. “Should be right above us.”

Sure enough, a few moments later, a shuttle appeared and lowered its hatch. The men quickly got on board with Rose, and Kylo strapped her in before strapping himself in.

“You need to tell General Organa what happened,” Hux said after Kylo got the shuttle back off the ground. “I don't want this to interfere with negotiations, and I don't have her trust the way you do.” Hux sighed and pulled off his wig. “Do you think she will forgive us for saving her?”

Kylo risked a glance back at Rose, who was sleeping peacefully in a passenger seat. “I don't know.”

“I wanted more time,” Hux muttered. “I even considered delaying informing you of the news. I begin to understand your madness with the scavenger girl.”

Kylo did not know what to say to that, so he kept his silence as they escaped the clouds and entered orbit. The fleet was not far. 

“Millie!” Hux exclaimed suddenly, grasping his chair. “Ren, they have-”

“You'll get your cat back,” Kylo said calmly. He reached out to Rey through the bond first, but it was still closed, and so he fiddled with the com system until he had an audio connection with the Resistance.

“Shuttle, you are transmitting from a First Order vessel. State your intentions immediately or risk being shot from the sky,” came Poe's voice over the radio.

Kylo rolled his eyes. The Resistance didn't even have any ground-to-air missiles currently, and all their ships were on the planet. “I need to speak with General Organa immediately. Tell her it's her son.”

There was a lull in the silence, and then General Organa's voice came on. “Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. What an honor,” she said coldly.

Kylo's heart froze for a moment before he recalled that she likely had witnesses to their conversation. He grimaced. He had meant to make this a straightforward discussion, but he would be forced to speak in riddles instead and pretend indifference to his mother. 

“The First Order has paid your base a visit and found a most fascinating young engineer to borrow, a woman named Rose Tico. If her life is of interest to you, arrange for a private meeting between your Jedi and myself. She has something I want.” Kylo cringed as he finished the message. 

Poe's voice came back on. “You give back Rose right now, you son of a…”

“Poe Cameron! That's enough!” Leia interjected. “Kylo Ren, I have heard your request. Can I trust that Rose won't come to harm until I have had time to speak with Rey?”

“Yes,” Kylo said, feeling ridiculous. He would never harm Rose.

“Then we're done. I'll contact you as soon as I have an answer from Rey, or Rey will contact you herself.”

The link went dead, and Kylo blew out his breath. “They haven’t heard of Rose’s involvement with us. If things stay that way, she might be able to return.”

“It’s hardly been any time, Ren. The witnesses are likely still unconscious.” Hux shook his head. “What do we do with her? The other officers will have questions. If they learn we care for her, she’ll be a target for plots against us… Could we possibly keep her secret? Yet the Resistance knows we have her, so it would only be a matter of time before our side discovered it...”

If Rose had not been in such danger, Hux’s flustered state over her future would have amused Kylo. However, he shared Hux’s concerns. “We may need to keep her prisoner until the war is done. Consider it proper motivation to resolve it quickly.”

“Right,” Hux said and took a deep breath. “Right.”

A moment later, the com buzzed, and Kylo opened it back up. 

“Just me this time, Ben,” his mother said. “What happened!? Tell me you're not really holding Rose captive.”

Kylo frowned. “You’ll likely be receiving reports by nightfall from multiple witnesses that someone of her description was seen working with the disguised leaders of the First Order. We feared for her safety under trial. If no rumors surface, we will release her.”

A heavy sigh was heard over the intercom. “I understand. I’ll let Rey know you wish to speak with her as well. It’s a shame you two don’t still have that bond.”

Kylo cringed. His mother didn’t know the bond had returned, but he was not about to explain to her that Rey was ignoring him through it.

When his mother spoke again, her voice was hesitant. “Ben… has this impacted the peace negotiations at all?”

“No, we want this war to end. We will need your help.”

“Of course. What can I do?”

“Retrieve Hux’s cat Millicent from his quarters and bring her with you when you join us in our search for Lando.”

A sharp intake of breath could be heard. “You found him.”

“We found him.”


	24. Chapter 24

Kylo and Hux sat inside Kylo's quarters aboard the Star Destroyer Infinite, which had become the new base of operations since the destruction of the Supremacy. The room was small and plain with standard-issue furniture. Even the bed Rose rested upon was a simple cot with grey bedding.

“They had told me the dye would wash out,” Hux grumbled as he eyed his appearance in a pocket mirror. He was back to his pristine uniform with his hair combed and styled to stay in place. His eyebrows, however, stubbornly remained a dirty shade of red much darker than his true hair color.

“Perhaps it takes several washes,” Kylo said as he paced by the bed. He too was back in his usual First Order clothes with his lightsaber in its usual place at his waist. “Or simply a proper shower. You were not gone from us very long.”

Hux rubbed at his brows one more time in frustration and turned to look at Rose again. “Can you wake her?” Hux asked. He put the pocket mirror away and came to stand near Kylo so he could also watch Rose.

“It's better for their minds when I don't,” Kylo said. “She shouldn't take much longer.”

Hux grumbled and went back to rubbing at his eyebrows. “Do you think she will accept our offer?” he asked after a minute.

Kylo gazed at Rose. He suspected she would never join them, but he did not say it out loud. He did not want to admit that this might effectively be the end of their friendship.

A couple minutes more passed before Rose gasped and bolted upright in the bed. “What… where...” She caught her breath and looked around her. Her eyes fell on the two men standing beside the bed. “Oh.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she struggled to breath evenly. However, the dam only took a few seconds to burst before she cried without restraint. Her hands gripped the fabric on the pants of her overalls tightly as the sobs shook her body.

Kylo knelt down beside the bed to get on eye level with Rose. “Rose,” he said. “It's us. We won't hurt you.”

“You kidnapped me,” Rose whimpered between sobs. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, burying her face between them. “If you're wearing First Order clothes, you must have taken me with you.”

“Do you think so little of us!? We took you for your own safety!” Hux spat. He threw his arms up and turned away, running a shaking hand through his red hair.

Rose looked up at Hux in shock, and her sobbing stopped.

“Do you remember what happened?” Kylo asked gently. 

“Marketplace. You two argued and started using each other's real names where everyone could hear you, and you had to leave.”

“There were witnesses, Ms. Tico,” Hux complained. He sighed and turned around to face her again. “There were too many witnesses for us to stay undercover, which meant there were also too many witnesses to your companionship with the leaders of the First Order.”

Rose's eyes widened as Hux's words sank in, and her tears dried up.

“If we had left you,” Kylo said, “You would have been branded a traitor and put on trial for treason against the Resistance.”

Rose unfolded as she processed this. “But… I wasn't the only one who… Rey and your mother...” Rose fell quiet. 

“My mother may love and trust me, but she would never share that she had knowingly allowed me free movement in the Resistance,” Kylo said. “It would destroy her career and throw the Resistance into chaos. Rey faces the same dilemma.”

The color drained from Rose's face. “I'm beginning to agree with your reasons for kidnapping me.”

“Please, Ms. Tico, we were only concerned with your safety,” Hux said, looking down at her gentle eyes and hands clasped behind his back.

Rose cracked a smile at that, and frowned again a moment later. “Armitage, your eyebrows are still dark.”

Hux sighed, and silence fell across the room.

“Rose, are you angry with us?” Kylo asked her after a minute.

Rose took a deep breath and studied Kylo. “You'll send me back as soon as it's safe, right?”

“If that's what you wish,” Kylo said carefully. He glanced to Hux, and Hux nodded. “If you could be convinced to stay, Hux and I prepared several offers for positions in the First Order that would suit your talents and compensate you very well.”

Rose shook her head silently as more tears poured down her cheeks. She sniffed loudly. “I can’t. I can’t support the First Order while we are at war,” Rose said. She pulled a chain out of her jumpsuit and played with the pendant at its end. “I would never forgive myself.”

Kylo and Hux exchanged a long look, and Kylo stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll get you back to the Resistance, Rose.”

“Thanks,” Rose said. “What happens to me now? What do I do here?”

“Nothing. Officially, you won’t exist,” Hux said. He stood as well and began pacing back and forth in the room. “To put it simply, exposing you means exposing us and putting all of us in greater danger. Since Ren here plans to leave on a solo mission tomorrow regardless, it makes the most sense to go with him.”

“Don’t say that,” Kylo said, grimacing.

“Say what?” Hux asked, genuinely confused and slightly annoyed. “We talked this through. You agreed it would make sense for her to accompany you, especially since you will be joining General Organa, who can provide her company. The mission is into a remote location, but it is not one known for pirates or war. She should not be in danger on the ship.”

Kylo stared at Hux, who only seemed more perplexed, and decided Hux had not realized that a ‘solo’ mission could be interpreted two ways for the former Ben Solo. “It’s nothing. The plan is acceptable to me. Rose?”

“Umm… yea, that should work. So what happens today?”

“Today, I make an appearance to remind the First Order to stay in line for Hux in my absence while you rest here in my quarters. These are the only rooms on the ship where you can be guaranteed secrecy. I will sleep elsewhere tonight.”

Rose frowned. “Wait, Armitage is staying here? He's not joining us?”

Hux shook his head and looked away.

“Rose, he is my second-in-command. The First Order will need him if anything happens to me on the mission. I don't know what's down there on that planet.”

Rose nodded, but the air seemed heavier, and an uncomfortable silence fell on them.

Hux cleared his throat and said, “Excuse me. I need to return to work.” He pivoted in place and left the rooms without saying another word.

Hux's abrupt exit had Kylo staring in shock at the door. He recovered just in time to face Rose as her expression shifted from shock to hurt.

“What just happened? Will I see him again?” The tears came back down her cheeks. “He didn't say he would be back… he didn't say goodbye… It felt like a dismissal. I don't understand. I thought we were friends… he even said he was courting me before.” She tried to take a deep breath and crumbled into sobs. “Was it all an act!?”

Kylo was no longer sure himself. “I will be back. Excuse me,” he said, and he left his quarters to hunt down Hux, because he did not know how to comfort Rose when he did not understand what had happened himself.

Finding Hux did not take long. He had gone straight for the bridge of the ship to collect reports in person from the present officers. Kylo considered interrupting to pull Hux out, but he also recognized such a move would weaken Hux’s position in the First Order right before Hux was to take command in Kylo’s absence. He needed Hux to appear strong. Kylo caught Hux’s eyes and crossed his arms, waiting patiently for Hux to wrap up. The men Hux spoke with eyed Kylo nervously, but Hux took his time hearing each one out before dismissing them.

“Ren,” Hux said once the other men went back to their duties. The friendly and open expressions Hux had shared while in disguise were gone, leaving only cold and ruthlessness behind. However, a maelstrom of emotions swirled underneath Hux’s frozen exterior and reassured Kylo that this was the same man he had befriended over the last couple days in the Resistance. 

“Come with me,” Kylo said, and he marched to the nearest empty boardroom. He could hear Hux’s footsteps behind his own. He was tempted to listen in on Hux's thoughts as well, but he resisted the temptation to explore beyond the emotions swirling around Hux to see what Hux was actually thinking. The invasion felt wrong, and Kylo realized that some of what Rey and Rose had been trying to teach him about friendship had come through. He did not want to abuse his powers with someone he cared for. His mouth twitched down. As thankful as he was to have people he valued, his newfound principles were definitely inconvenient.

The boardroom they entered was a long and narrow black room with a steel table surrounded by equally unwelcoming chairs. The room was lit by a strip of lights running down the center of the table, lending the room an ominous air. Kylo closed the door behind Hux and studied Hux’s face, looking for signs of the emotional chaos Hux felt and finding none. “You hide your emotions well,” Kylo said after a moment.

Hux glared at Kylo, dropping all pretense. “Get out of my head, Ren.”

“I did not intentionally intrude, Hux. Your feelings are disturbing the force around you. Furthermore, you left Rose in tears.”

Every muscle in Hux's body tensed, and he gripped the edge of the chair in front of him until his knuckles turned white. After a moment, he threw the chair sideways into the wall with a roar. “What am I supposed to do, Ren!?”

Kylo stared at Hux quietly as he contemplated how to respond, but nothing came to mind.

“She doesn't want to stay. I don't want to leave. I don't even know if she's all that special or if my fascination with her stems from the fact that she's likely the first person in my life who showed interest in me as a person instead of as a piece of the First Order!“

Hux took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, letting his body relax with the motion until he collapsed in the nearest chair at the table. “Was this what it was like with you and the scavenger?” Hux asked. “Did she sweep in, treat you like a human being, and you were so enamored with that concept that you offered her the galaxy?”

Kylo flinched. Was that the case? If so, was he mistaking gratitude for love? He sat down heavily across from Hux and rested his elbows on the table as he templed his hands in thought. “No, she treated me like a monster. She tried to shoot me on Takodana. She retaliated my mind invasion with one of her own. She attacked me in the woods on Starkiller Base. When the bond joined us again, she shot at me again. She assumed the worst and called me a monster before ever considering that she might not know everything about me.”

Hux stared at Kylo with open disgust. “And you're attracted to her!?”

Kylo glared at Hux, but found his own resolve weaken. “She heard me out,” he said, but then he recalled how Rey had only done so after he insisted her version of events was incorrect. “She believed in me,” he said, but then he recalled how desperate she was. His arms dropped down to the table. “She trusted me. She came to me,” he said, trying to convince himself that Rey had cared, but even then, Rey had been hoping to use him for the sake of the Resistance. Would she have done the same had they not been at war?

Kylo's face and shoulders fell. “I want her to be happy,” he said. That was true, at least. “I enjoyed my time with her, even when she hated me. She was so alive, and though she was terrified and completely outclassed, she always looked me in the eyes.” That was true too. 

Hux nodded. “I understand that, Ren. I actually feel alive around her,” Kylo listened, knowing Hux was talking about Rose again and not Rey. “But this is the end while we are at war, and peace negotiations will be delayed with your mission.”

Kylo considered this and found a solution that warmed his heart. “Come with me then. You can negotiate with my mother while you're there.”

Hux glared at Kylo. “And what of the First Order? Put it back in the hands of BB-9E?”

Kylo smirked and raised an eyebrow.

Hux's face fell. “You're serious. Well, he did do well during our prior absence.”

Kylo stood and walked to the door. “Set up BB-9E to manage the fleet again. You're to join me on my mission with two objectives: Finalize the peace treaty and resume your courtship of Rose, assuming you're still interested in her.”

Hux scoffed. “I'm interested, but I don't see what good it will do either of us when we're each loyal to opposing sides of a war.”

Kylo smiled grimly. “Consider it appropriate motivation to resolve the peace treaty then.”


	25. Chapter 25

Kylo leaned against the railing in the bridge to gaze at the planet below him. Somewhere down there were Rey and his mother… And Hux's cat. He would need to remember to verify Millicent was on board the ship with Leia before he sent his mother the coordinates. Night had fallen for the Resistance base, and while Kylo was exhausted, he could not convince himself to seek rest.

“What are you doing, Rey?” he whispered to the stars outside. She should have had time to reach out to him before now, but the bond was firmly blocked from her end. 

He abandoned the view and the bridge to head back to his quarters only to remember halfway there that Rose was staying in them that night. He narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment before marching swiftly to the ship bay where his own personal command shuttle was kept when not in use. The shuttle brought back memories of when he had found Rey and carried her aboard in his arms. So much had happened since that fateful day of the battle in Takodana and the destruction of Starkiller Base.

He went aboard his shuttle, changed into some spare, plain black nightclothes, and picked a bunk to sleep in. The ship could accommodate up to five people, so it would do for his mission to find Lando. More importantly, his ship gave him a private place to contemplate everything that happened. His morning had been full of repairing ships for the Resistance, and the rest of the day had been a blur of returning to the First Order, providing for Rose, and arranging for his next absence from leading the most powerful organization in the galaxy.

Kylo found it hard to believe that just the night previous he and Rey had been kissing in her room at her direction, and now… was she angry over his decision to help her sleep through the force? Did she regret kissing him? Was it something else entirely? Maybe she feared what would happen if they became more intimate?

His cheeks burned as he recalled how she had pressed her thighs against his sides. She fit inside his embrace like she belonged there. Her hesitant, gentle exploration of his features before their kiss caused his heart to ache, and he yearned to feel her presence so badly he shuddered. As he continued to reminisce, his ears rang, and reality felt off, somehow.

“Stop that,” a voice said. It was off, like a fuzzy radio transmission that was zoning in on a clear frequency.

Kylo froze and opened his eyes to see Rey sitting at the opposite end of the cot from him. Her cheeks were blushed deeply, but she still looked him in the eyes and held his gaze. Kylo stared in wonder and reached out slowly towards her.

“Don't. I'm here, but don't touch me,” she said. 

Kylo held himself still as his heart throbbed in his chest. He carefully clasped his reaching fingers into a tight fist to restrain his desire. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to reassure himself that she was still within his reach even though he left the Resistance. He wanted to kiss her and hold her hand.

He frowned as he realized they had not held hands beyond that brush through the force before she surrendered herself to him in the Supremacy. What would holding her hand be like? Would he ever know?

She stood up and crossed her arms in front of her, causing her night garment, an ankle-length lavender nightgown to billow and sway with her movements. She caught his study of it, looked down at it herself, and sighed. “I told the General it would be awful for fighting in, but she insisted.”

“It looks nice,” Kylo said. The color suited her. He carefully pulled his arm back in. “I'm sorry,” he said quickly, hoping the apology would help smooth things between them. “I hadn't considered your desires when I put you in the force sleep. I should have asked first. I had picked out some flowers for you, but…” 

“You got me flowers?” Rey asked, surprised and oddly delighted, as if the notion had struck a chord deep within her. Kylo suspected she must really like flowers, and he delighted in learning something new about her.

“Lavender ones… similar to the shade of your nightgown. They were lost in our departure.” He fell silent and watched Rey rub her arms. “I wanted to see you smile.”

Rey shuddered and shook her head. “It won't work, Kylo… I don't want a secret relationship, especially one for which the consequences… did you ever think about how I would be treated if the Resistance discovered our connection?” She balled her own fists and glared at him with wet eyes. “You have nothing to lose, but I could lose everything!”

Pain erupted in Kylo's heart as he stared her down. “I could lose you, and you are everything to me,” he said in a low, disturbingly calm voice.

Tears streamed down Rey's face, and she sniffed loudly. “But I'm not. I'm not everything to you. You wouldn't give up the First Order for me any more than I would give up the Resistance for you, but even more than that, you are not alone. I used to think we were the same. I thought we were both people who had no one who loved us after seeing all of us, but that's not true for you. Your mother still believes in you and wishes she had more time with you. Rose knows the truth of you and still sees you as a friend, and she said Hux was your friend too.”

“You have Chewbacca, Poe, and Finn, and my mother sees you as a daughter too,” Kylo said.

Rey shook her head and slumped back down on the bunk by Kylo's feet with the gown fabric stretched awkwardly between her legs. “Poe and Finn would turn on me if they knew about us. Chewbacca hasn't spoken to me since he discovered we were friendly. Your mother has, but she's only thinking of you and the Resistance. They want me to be some great Jedi with no darkness or flaws. It's suffocating, and yet, they're all I have.”

“No, Rey. You have me. You do not have to fear my judgment,” Kylo said.

Rey snorted. “Only your wrath when I reject you. Will you try to kill me again for wanting distance?”

Kylo's heart crushed underneath the weight of her words, and he found he could not speak through the onslaught of despair threatening to drown him. He had no excuse for how he had been before. She was right to suspect him. She was right to want distance. He reached out to the force as he tried to calm himself with deep breaths.

“You're crying,” Rey said in wonder, breaking into his thoughts. Kylo had not realized it himself, but he felt now that his face was wet. He looked to her and saw that she was watching him carefully with her arms hugging her knees to her chest. “Kylo, do I need to fear you?”

Kylo's heart split all over again. He hated that he had been the kind of person that warranted such a question. “No, you're safe from me,” he said. He pulled his feet away from her and climbed out of the cot. He paused at the exit, wondering how leaving the room would impact their present bond. Would she remain connected, but gone? Would he be prevented from leaving the space? Would their current connection simply snap?

“Where are you going?” Rey asked.

Kylo clenched his fists at his sides. “You said you want distance,” he said.

“Not like that… I mean, we can't escape the bond,” Rey said. “Trying to keep you out today exhausted me, and I still felt much of what you felt. We’re stuck seeing each other.”

Interesting. He had not felt anything from her through the bond. He turned around to face her. “What do you propose?”

Rey shrugged. “We use the time to talk. We could finish the peace treaty between the Resistance and the First Order.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and sat down on the bunk opposite to the one Rey was on. “I have no more stomach for political negotiations than you have experience in developing peace treaties. Leave that tangle for Hux and my mother to sort out. They know what they're doing and will not neglect the needs of either organization.”

Rey frowned. “But when would they have time now that Hux is back with the First Order and General Organa is joining you for the mission?”

“Hux is coming with us too. Last minute change. BB-9E will be left in charge again.”

Rey stared at him. “You're leaving a droid in charge of the First Order… again?” Kylo shrugged. “Well, I won't be coming. General Organa said she suspected this mission location was where your vision takes place, and I get the same feeling, but I'm tired of being bullied and manipulated by the force. I know I’m supposed to trust the force, but what happened last night was wrong. I can't even trust my own feelings anymore.”

Kylo said nothing. He wasn't going to encourage her to go. He wanted her to stay safe. He also recognized her discontent with not knowing which feelings to trust. After being under Snoke's influence for so long, he suspected he understood that particular fear better than anyone. However, he did not doubt his own feelings towards her were genuine. The force had nothing to do with his desire for her happiness and wellbeing.

Rey fidgeted with the fabric of her nightgown. Kylo suspected she wanted to ask something important, but was afraid to. “What is it?” he asked, half-expecting to regret finding out given how their conversation had gone so far this evening.

Rey sighed. “I saw you this morning during breakfast, when you were eating with Rose and the boys. You were laughing. I had never seen you laugh before. I didn't even know you could laugh.”

“Is that a question?” Kylo asked. 

Rey blushed. “You’re still set on me, but why? If you have other friends who care for you and make you laugh, what can you possibly see in me when all I ever do is upset and disappoint you?”

Kylo leaned forward on his knees and glared at Rey. She did so much more than that for him, but he was in no mood to explain that right after she had rejected him yet again. “What good can come of answering that question now, Rey? You say you want distance, but you’re here, pestering me with questions about my feelings as if they actually matter to you.”

“Your feelings do matter to me!” Rey protested.

“Then why do you keep tormenting them with your presence!?” he barked at her. 

Rey's jaw dropped as shocked hurt filled her eyes, and then she was gone.

Kylo slumped down, then let out a roar of pure fury before crumbling into a ball of grief on the floor. His darker side wanted to blame Rey for teasing him with intimacy last night before rejecting him again today… but he knew her. He knew she was even more lost than he was. It was not by design she had so thoroughly entangled and shredded his heart.

He reached out to the force to escape himself, and as the soothing connection to the energy surrounding him helped calm his breathing, he also felt a whisper of something through it… some direction in the force reassuring him that things would work out.

But he did not see how.


	26. Chapter 26

“So this planet Myrkr, what's it like?” Rose asked after she, Kylo, and Hux entered hyperspace in Kylo's shuttle. She and Hux sat side-by-side in the passenger seats behind Kylo, who had the pilot seat. He had not known what to expect from her when he and Hux smuggled her from Kylo's First Order quarters to the ship, but she was not surprised to see Hux and seemed fairly relaxed around him. Hux must have visited her at some point after agreeing to join them on the mission.

“It's a heavily forested world in the Inner Rim that was largely left alone in the recent wars, though it was a haven for the less reputable types during the Clone Wars,” Hux explained. “Seems that those types have established a government and have done fairly well in the last few decades. They largely want to be left alone.”

Rose frowned. “Won't showing up on a blatantly First Order ship get us shot then?”

“Money speaks,” Hux said with a coy grin. 

“Oh, so you bribed them,” Rose said. She fell quiet and scrunched her face up in thought.

“It didn't hurt that we are investigating something that troubles them as well. A number of locals have already gone missing trying to discover what it is that Lando Calrissian is hiding out there,” Kylo added.

Rose's face cleared, and she turned to Hux. “Since we're friends, is there any chance I could talk you into doing something about the corruption on Canto Bight?”

Hux smiled like the cat that got the cream and leaned back. “I think that might be an option, if you were to join me to make sure I handle it to your satisfaction.”

Rose shook her head. “Armitage, we've been through this. I can't join the First Order.”

Hux's smile only grew broader. “Of course you can't join the First Order. A challenge of that magnitude would require representatives from both the First Order and the Resistance to prevent the elites of that place from turning us on each other.”

Rose blushed but grinned at Hux, who matched her smile and gazed back.

Kylo was glad things seemed to be going well between his two friends, but he also wished he didn't have to witness it. His heart was still heavy from Rey's rejection the night before. The worst part was that he suspected Rey did really care for him and want to be with him, but she didn't know how to separate her own desires from those of the force. If the force hadn't chosen to bond them again when it did…

Kylo sighed. He could not change the past. He could only hope to move forward in such a way that Rey stopped questioning herself.

“Kylo, what's wrong?” Rose asked.

“Trouble in paradise?” Hux asked. “He only gets that moody when it involves his family or the girl, and considering we're in flight to meet his mother… Ren, she is bringing Millie, right?” His question was not without an implied threat.

“Your cat is aboard,” Kylo confirmed.

Hux straightened his already perfectly straight hair. “Good.”

“Did she never get in touch with you?” Rose asked.

Kylo sighed again. “We connected last night. She asked for distance since the force is interfering with her feelings.”

Silence fell in the cabin for a moment. “What? WHAT!?” Rose exclaimed. “Who cares if the force is interfering? She has feelings! She loves you! You love her! Why is she making this more complicated than it has to be!?”

“Ren, I believe I've asked before, but why are you so set on the scavenger?” Hux asked. “You could likely have anyone in the galaxy. Why her?”

Kylo had asked himself that same question several times in the night, but he had no intention of sharing as much with Hux. “You ask me a question you could ask yourself, Hux.”

Rose glared at Kylo. “I'm not someone who would make out with a guy only to say I was confused and back out the next day! People don't do that!”

“People also usually don't get sold into slavery as a small child on an unforgiving desert planet by their parents for a few drops of booze, Rose. They don't normally find that the first person who sees and accepts all of them is their mortal enemy. Furthermore, they don't normally have the force interfering with their thoughts. I know it's infuriating, but she's trying,” Kylo said. 

Hux unbuckled from his seat and crouched down on his heels beside Kylo. “Ren, I understand that you feel compelled to forgive Rey more than another woman given the unusual circumstances, but mark my words, if she breaks your heart again, I will kill her myself.”

Kylo dismissed the tempting analysis of how very unlikely it would be for Hux to present a real threat to Rey and focused on the underlying message: Hux was worried for him. “I understand,” he said.

Hux smiled grimly and clapped Kylo on the shoulder as he stood. “I'm glad to hear it. How much longer do we have in hyperspace?”

Kylo checked the dashboard readings. “Maybe a few hours, and my mother should be right behind us. Rose, will you be comfortable staying on board with Hux while I go on planet?”

Hux furrowed his brow. “Ren, I won't be staying on board. I can't complete negotiations with General Organa if I'm not with her.”

Kylo frowned. “That was not the plan, Hux. This will be dangerous.”

“Just because I'm not a magical wizard with a light sword does not mean I cannot hold my own in battle, Ren. Furthermore, this will all be for nothing if you or your mother die out there.”

“Then I'm coming too,” Rose said. Both men looked at her with clear skepticism and concern. “What? What am I supposed to do if something happens to you out there? Run away on a First Order vessel that I have no right to and pretend I won’t get horribly shot? Return to the Resistance when I’m branded a traitor and get shot by them? My best chances are sticking with the two of you.”

“Do you even have any combat training?” Hux asked with a sneer.

Rose squirmed and looked away. “No… not really… but I can still help keep a lookout.”

“Ren, we have to keep her here. She’ll slow us down and distract us,” Hux said.

Kylo studied Rose now as a potential soldier. She was very short with soft flesh and a tendency towards nervous panic. She looked out of place in the plain, black, First Order training clothes she had borrowed for their journey. He frowned. Rose was a good friend, but definitely not someone he would choose for the field. Then again, his vision had implied she would be with them on this planet, and she made several good points in that leaving her behind would not outright protect her. Furthermore, she would need the skills to defend herself eventually anyway if she were to continue working with them. “She comes. We'll take turns training her.”

“Ren, you're mad, we can't-”

“She's coming. Unless you plan to lock her up on a ship with no access to food or water for the entire time we're gone,” Kylo said.

Hux swallowed hard and closed his eyes slowly. “I concede the point.”

Rose looked equal parts excited and horrified by this change. “I don't have zero combat experience… I did fly one of the fighters on Crait!”

Hux raised his brow in interest. “And how did you do?”

Rose's face fell. “I could probably use more training.”

Hux glared at Kylo before returning his focus to Rose. “Let's get your lessons started. We can practice blaster aim in the bunks. They don't border the exterior, so a hole in the wall there won't mean our deaths.”

The color drained from Rose's face, but she obediently followed Hux into the back of the ship.

Kylo found the streaks of hyperspace and temporary isolation soothing. He knew it would likely be his last time alone until this mission was resolved. He meditated and looked for guidance from the force on the mission, but found nothing unusual except Rey's presence on the other side of a closed door through the force. It wasn't blocked today like it was yesterday, but she clearly still wanted distance, and the force showed no interest in bridging them in the moment. 

Kylo stopped meditating and opened up the file on Myrkr instead to see if he could get insight that way. The planet was largely dull. Local species of interest included some giant canine creatures who feasted predominantly on some local type of large lizard. Apparently the canines could be domesticated and made good pets. He hoped Rose would not discover this. He could easily imagine the woman insisting on keeping one.

He was surprised that the major political entities had neglected the planet for several generations now. It was not as far from the core worlds as he originally thought, and with the heavy growth, breathable air, and lack of major predators, it should have made a reasonable location for a military base. 

Hux and Rose came back in not much later. “Is Rose a soldier now?”

Hux scoffed. “Well, her aim has improved from where she started. Will we have much to worry about on the planet?”

Kylo shook his head. “Looks like the top predator is some kind of canine that eats lizards.”

“What of the lizards?” Hux asked.

“Big, but harmless. They live in trees. They don't move much. I'm trying to figure out why there hasn't been more interest from the bigger military groups. It's got resources, it's nearer to the core worlds… it's certainly more habitable than Hoth or Crait, but it's been left alone.”

Hux frowned. “That is odd. Well, perhaps we can change that once we sort out this mission. With its neutral history, it might make an excellent location for a middle ground… perhaps a permanent place for peace negotiations.”

It wasn't a bad idea. “Perhaps,” Kylo said.

The ship beeped, notifying them that they would be exiting hyperspace soon. They strapped back into their seats, and Kylo took them out.

“Pretty planet,” Rose said of the blue and green world before them.

“Will we disguise Rose or ourselves, Ren?” Hux asked. “Showing that Rose is with us willingly could present a problem for her return to the Resistance. You saw the reports that came out today.”

They all had. Rose was officially a traitor on the run. “They were only expecting me and my mother on the planet, so stay on board when I land. I'll sort out your exit later.”

The landing control for their target spaceport contacted them and approved their descent, and Kylo took them down. However, as he neared the planet, he felt the strangest sensation.

“Something's wrong,” he said.

“What is it?” Rose asked.

Kylo wasn't sure at first. Everything seemed fine according to the sensors and scanners, but he felt very, very off, almost like he were blind.

The force.

Kylo took a very deep breath and exhaled slowly. “There's no force here.” He pulled them into a landing on the planet surrounded by trees and stared in a daze. He tried reaching out but was met with nothing. “It's not there.”

Hux snarled. “What do you mean it's not there? Are you sick?”

Kylo shook his head in shock. “I don't know. It's gone. I can't connect to the energy of other living things. Is this what you feel?”

Rose shrugged. “Probably. Is this a problem?”

Kylo didn't know. “I won't be able to sense danger or manipulate minds.”

“Or lift rocks with your mind?” Rose asked.

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Or that.”

Hux unbuckled and stood. “Lucky for you, you'll have two companions who are used to not having mystical powers to train you in the everyday. I don't see this as a problem. Come on, Ms. Tico, we'll likely need to hide ourselves in case they decide to inspect the ship.”

Rose unbuckled and followed Hux into the back. Kylo unbuckled as well and stared at the planet outside. It looked normal enough. Why couldn't he connect to the force?

His com blinked, and he answered it without thinking. 

“Ben?” his mother said through the radio.

“Mother,” he said. 

“I can't feel the force, Ben. What's happening?”

Kylo sighed and his eyes narrowed. He wasn't sick if neither him nor his mother could feel the force. “I don't know. I can't feel it either. It must be some kind of local defense against force-users.”

The radio paused. “I'll warn Rey then in case she comes.” There was meowing in the background. “I've got Millicent. She's a sweet girl.”

Kylo nodded, forgetting his mother couldn't see him. “The other two will be joining us. They want to come.”

Leia sighed, and Kylo could almost see her considering this change in plans with a slight bob of her head from side to side. “Perhaps it's for the best. After all, she was in your vision too. Well, better come off board. We'll need directions, and it will go more smoothly if they see us working together.”

“Mother, do Finn or Poe know where we are?” Kylo asked. They had been in his vision too.

“No, I know better than to trust those two with my location after the stunt they pulled outside Crait. They're as likely to come flying in to supposedly rescue me from you as anything else with that knowledge.”

Kylo cringed as he realized that was likely what would happen, despite his mother's preventative measure of not telling them where she was. But if the vision could be trusted, Rey would come too, and he would see her fall off a cliff where only the force could save her… On a planet where the locals had found a way to block the force.

Dread filled Kylo. “Mother, she can't come,” Kylo said.

“You mean Rey?”

“She can't. Mother, I saw her falling… You can't tell her anything. You can't give her reason to come here!” Kylo said.

“Ben, I already contacted her.”

“Tell her to stay away!”

His mother went silent.

“Mother!”

Kylo slammed both fists down on the console, remembered she was also in the shipyard, and lowered the hatch to go find her in person. Just as he took a step onto the hatch, the radio buzzed back on.

“Mother!?” Kylo said, throwing himself back onto the dash to answer the call.

“Sorry, Ben. Rey called. She got my message, and she's on her way to join us in the Falcon. Chewie is with her.”

“You have to stop her!” 

“It's done, Ben. It's too late.”

Kylo closed the connection to his mother and frantically called the Falcon. Chewbacca picked up. “Chewie, put Rey on.”

Kylo heard a string of rather ruthless wookie taunts followed by Chewbacca's laughter and cringed. “Please?”

“Chewie, is that Kylo?” Rey said in the background. “Give me that.” He heard something change hands and then Rey's voice returned, loud and clear. “Hey, we're on our way. Should arrive before sunset.”

“Turn around.”

“No,” Rey said.

Kylo growled. “Turn around, please. I don't want to see you die.”

He heard a strange noise, like someone was covering the microphone for the radio and rubbing their hand around to generate a muffled noise. “Bad signal,” he heard Rey's clear voice say over the odd noise. “Can't talk.” The noise got much louder, and then the transmission dropped.

Kylo stared at the radio. Had Rey seriously just faked a bad signal to get out of a conversation with him? Was she twelve? Then again, his father had done something similar when rescuing his mother from the first death star. He had laughed hysterically when his parents had shared the story to him in his childhood, but the tactic didn't seem so funny now.

“Hux!” Kylo shouted.

A moment later, Hux appeared before him. “Ren.” Rose stumbled out a second later.

“Rey has taken it upon herself to join us on our mission. I want whatever geological scans we can get to determine where exactly my vision takes place. Perhaps if we know where it will happen, we can find some way to prevent it.”

“I thought you would be using the force to… ah, I see. I'll see what strings I can pull,” Hux said.

Rose's eyes were wide. “Rey is coming here?”

“Mother warned her that we were without access to the force here.”

Rose's eyebrows shot up and her mouth morphed into a painfully-wide smile. “She must be coming to see if her feelings are real then!”

“What?” Hux asked.

“Rey has been struggling to determine which of her feelings are due to the force and which are her own, right? Then she hears about a planet where the force can't be felt and immediately sets coordinates for it? What else can it be? She wants to know how she feels for Kylo when she can't feel the force!”

Kylo frowned. He had considered the same possibility already, and while he was not blind to the possibility that this might resolve things between them, he still felt little more than dread. “That may be, but it will be for nothing if she dies here.”

Rose's delight melted away, and Hux sighed, gazing at Kylo with concern. “I'll go get those reports.” He took a step closer. “Ren, we'll find a way to save her, force or not.”


	27. Chapter 27

Kylo glared at the com unit of his personal ship as Rey continued to ignore all attempts at communication in the Falcon. Behind him, Hux and Rose deliberated over the maps and documents they had gathered.

“Perhaps if one of us had a small ship or other hovercraft, we could have someone in the air under each of the waterfalls when Rey travels near one,” Rose said.

“We've been over this, Rose,” Hux said. He leaned his elbow onto the small console between them and massaged the area between his eyes. “The foliage in the forests here is far too thick to allow easy passage of any aircraft.”

Rose frowned. “I don't see how else we can manage it though, Army. Without the force, we have to rely on technology… oh! Maybe she could wear a jetpack? Kylo, do you have a jetpack on board?”

Kylo shook his head. “Wasn't necessary with the force.”

Hux gazed at Rose. “It's not a bad idea Rose, but they're hard to locate these days. Some bounty hunter famous for wearing a jetpack ended up flying right into the jaws of a monster after being bumped by a blind man. The industry for jetpacks crashed afterwards. The First Order won't even touch them, and I haven't heard of their active use in years.”

Rose leaned forward onto the same console, resting her arm alongside Hux's and bringing her face close to Hux's. “So you're saying it's not a bad idea because it's an absolutely terrible idea,” she said with a raised brow and a small smirk.

Hux grinned at Rose and covered her hand with his. “Precisely.”

Rose grinned sheepishly and straightened up, but turned her hand to hold Hux's.

Kylo looked away from their blatant flirting. Clearly, something had happened between Hux and Rose while they had been alone earlier. The two had gone from calling each other Armitage and Ms. Tico to Army and Rose, and the open physical affection was entirely new. Kylo was happy for his two closest friends, and yet, he wasn't comfortable with seeing their growing intimacy.

He wanted to experience such a thing for himself, and Rey’s rejection was still fresh on his mind. Rey, who was now on her way to a place where he foresaw her likely death. 

Kylo tried calling the Falcon again with the hope of convincing Rey to turn around. As expected, she didn't answer this time either. Kylo hung his head when a new thought occurred. Could something have happened to her? Would he even know with the force blocked from him? His heart raced, and he broke into a cold sweat.

“Ren? What's wrong?” Hux asked. “You’re doing that thing.”

“That thing?” Kylo asked. He turned to face Hux, who watched him carefully at Rose’s side. Rose, for her part, was looking back and forth between the two men with a confused expression.

“Yes, that thing where you tense your shoulders, grip your fists, and clench your jaw. That thing which usually immediately precedes someone getting hurt in your emotional outlash, and since Rose and I are the only others present, I thought it best to intervene before you get anymore worked up. Being thrown into a wall is not something I care to repeat.”

Kylo’s emotions immediately cooled off somewhat and he bowed his head slightly to Hux and Rose. “Sorry.” Kylo sighed. “I realized that I wouldn't know if something happened to Rey without the force.”

Rose frowned. “But you had a vision of her on this planet… and she’s not arrived, so you know she’s still okay for now, right?”

“Are visions absolute?” Hux asked thoughtfully.

Kylo shrugged, thinking of the few he experienced. He had foreseen Rey coming to him on the Supremacy. He hadn’t realized it was only to try recruiting him to her own cause. “I have not heard of a vision like mine not coming true.”

Rose scrunched her nose. “How common are visions among force users?”

Kylo shrugged again. “Skywalker had them. Rey had them. My mother didn’t.” He took a deep breath and thought far back. “Some of the other padawans… Skywalker’s students, that is… some of them claimed they had visions.”

“Claimed?” Rose asked.

Kylo sunk into himself somewhat. “I never learned what they were. Skywalker forbade discussion of them, but I do know they hated me. Said I should be removed from the academy.”

Hux tilted his head to the side. “In other words, they knew what you would become.”

Kylo met Hux’s eyes. “That would be the assumption.”

Rose crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well that’s not right. You were… well… scary, but you’re not all bad now.”

Kylo stood up to loom over Rose as a reminder of who he was. “Regardless of my current ambitions, I was their death, Rose. I killed everyone at the academy who didn’t swear loyalty to me.”

“Except Skywalker,” Hux said with a roll of the eyes. 

Kylo glared at Hux, who grinned and raised both eyebrows, having successfully baited Kylo.

Rose shuddered. “Okay then. So we can assume the vision is valid enough. Kylo, can you go over it again? Who was there?”

Kylo sighed and thought back. He no longer had the hatred for Rey to summon the vision at will. “Rey, of course, my mother, you,” he said, looking at Rose, and continued, “Finn… I think Poe too, now that I think about it. They were happy together. I was farther away. I’m not sure they knew I was watching them, or maybe I was not there at all, and that was simply the perspective the force gave me.”

Hux frowned. “You didn’t list me,” Hux said.

Kylo shook his head. “You weren’t in it.”

“And Rey just fell off a cliff? Just randomly?” Rose asked. 

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut, trying to pull the vision back up in its entirety. “No,” he said after a pause. “Something Finn said startled her. Her expression changed, and she stumbled backing away from him.”

Hux growled. “That man is good for--”

The intercom beeped, and Kylo rushed to answer it. “Hi, umm, hello?”

“Ben, where are you?” came his mother’s distressed voice. “The local council has completely lost their minds waiting on you to emerge from your ship. I suspect they’ve half a mind to simply blow your ship up to keep themselves from panicking more. You need to get down here and reassure them in person.”

Kylo cringed as years of expectations and bowing to politics flooded his mind. This was what it had been to be the son of Leia Organa, shoved this way and that for the betterment of everyone but him. “We’re researching ways to save Rey without the force.”

“Well it will be all for naught if you don’t get down here before they kill you,” Leia countered.

Rose shrugged. “She’s got a point. Can’t you just come back up after?”

“What if Rey arrives in that time?” Kylo asked.

Hux narrowed his eyes at Kylo. “The fastest Rey might arrive is 2 standard hours from now, assuming current lightspeed technology. Since she’s in that piece of junk freighter that belonged to your father before you were born, I think it likely that we won’t see her for twice as long. That should be plenty of time to do a simple greeting and slip away. Rose and I will keep working on the problem at hand. Go on, Ren. Calm the locals. Make your mother happy. See if they have a jetpack available while you’re out there.”

Rose frowned. “I thought a jetpack was a bad idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea,” Hux corrected her. “However, it’s the best idea we’ve had.”

Kylo grimaced and turned back to the com. “Mother, have you heard from Rey since we last spoke?”

“Oh yes, she should be arriving in approximately 3 hours. The local council is quite eager to meet her too. They are honored to host her, though they have also been speaking of funeral arrangements. It’s strange. They seem to think we will die here.”

Kylo paused at that. “Have you asked them why?”

“I tried, but they said not to worry, that they would take care of everything even if our bodies were never found.”

“Well, that does make sense,” Hux interjected. “Ren, you said yourself that all the prior investigations into your friend Lando Calrissian’s mysterious business on this planet resulted in missing people. The locals are likely used to throwing funerals for the missing.”

“Ben, is this true?” Leia asked over the com system. 

“It’s all I could find, Mother. Do you wish to back out?”

“Not at all, but I should send some messages to make sure my things are in order if I don’t return. Have you done the same?”

Kylo exchanged worried glances with Hux and winced. “You don’t need to worry,” he told his mother. She certainly wouldn’t have to worry if the Resistance was left up against a First Order controlled by an astromech unit. BB-9E was an excellent droid, but that didn’t make it an excellent leader.

Kylo closed out his call with his mother and turned to Hux. “Do we have a plan in place for if we don’t return?”

Hux shook his head. “I had not had the time to put one together, given that I never planned to be on this journey.”

“Well, you have until Rey gets here to sort out a way to save her, to save all of us, and to establish the next leadership for the First Order should you fail your prior objective.”

“I understand, Supreme Leader,” Hux said with a mildly annoyed expression.

Kylo sighed. “Please, Hux?”

“I was already on it,” Hux said. “Now go learn what you can from the locals before Rey arrives.”

“And don’t forget to ask about the jetpack,” Rose said.

Kylo nodded and exited the ship, leaving the two brightest minds he knew to find a way to save them all.


	28. Chapter 28

Kylo waited with his mother for Rey and Chewbacca to land in the Millennium Falcon. Dusk was falling, and the humid air rapidly lost its warmth. The welcome party, if such a term could be used to describe the madness they had encountered, was thankfully behind them.

“You know, Ben, that I have traveled to many planets and civilizations for peace delegations,” Leia said. Kylo nodded politely. “I have never encountered such a disturbing group. Still, at least we now understand why we can't feel the force here.”

Kylo nodded again, but his attention was on the rapidly approaching dot of light in the sky. “There she is,” he said. 

His mother's eyes followed. “You'll never be able to stop her, you know, and Chewie may well break your neck for trying.”

Kylo was well aware. “I have to try.”

“Ben, aren't you even curious?” Leia asked. When he didn't answer, she elaborated. “She told me, you know. She's coming to discover her true feelings for you in a place the force can't reach her. Don't you want to know what they are?”

Kylo clenched his teeth together and growled off his frustration. “Not at the expense of her life! No, Mother, I would do anything to save her, including losing her.”

His mother sighed and crossed her arms. “Well, at least Chewie can stop you from doing anything too foolish.”

Kylo felt a surge in anger at his mother. “You speak as if you want her to die.”

Leia snorted. “Hardly. I'm old, Ben, and I've had many years to see how the force works. She'll be alright.” Leia reached out and took her son's hand in hers. “And you and Rey will receive a new opportunity to find happiness in each other from the experience.”

Kylo wasn't so sure, but there was no time to argue. Air blasted them as the Millennium Falcon landed before them. A moment later, the ramp lowered and Chewbacca came down wielding his crossbow.

“Chewie, put that blasted thing down and come give me a hug,” Leia ordered with a big grin.

Chewie chortled and lowered his weapon, then hollered back to the ship. A moment later, Rey came down, and the pair approached Leia and Kylo together. Leia and Chewie hugged while Rey and Kylo stared each other down.

“I'm not letting you stop me,” Rey said in an even voice.

“I know,” Kylo said. Every hair on his body stood on end in anticipation. He never quite knew what she would do or say, and without the force, she almost felt like a stranger. His heart pounded in his chest. There was no force here. What did she think of him now that it could not influence her? Had he feared her affections for him were not genuine too?

Rey gazed at him in silence. Leia and Chewie had walked away some. They were far enough not to hear, but close enough to act if needed. 

“I thought you might have an army waiting to lock me up and keep me from joining you,” Rey finally said.

Kylo shook his head. “I already made it clear that you do not need to fear me, Rey. I'm here to talk to you, if you'll let me, and try to convince you to take a path that will not lead to my vision. I cannot access the force. I would be helpless to save you.”

Rey looked around her and took an appreciative breath. “What causes it?” she asked.

“Lizards,” Kylo said, relaxing as he shifted topics. “They're called ysalamari and live in trees. They use an anti-force bubble, so to speak, to hide from their natural predators, canine creatures called vornskrs that use the force to hunt.”

Rey frowned. “But this force bubble extends into the atmosphere. I felt it before I landed, and I don't even see many trees around here. If the vornskrs use the force to hunt, and they can't access it…” Rey shook her head, puzzled.

Kylo didn't know what to tell her. The explanation hadn't made sense to him either, and yet… “Somehow, they can still sense it. The creatures zoned in on me immediately, and aggressively so.”

“You encountered vornskrs?”

Kylo nodded. “A few were kept as pets by some of the locals. They growled at my mother some, but they outright tried to attack me. One of them got away from its owner and had to be stunned, and they all had to be removed before we could speak with the locals.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. “Maybe the vornskrs just didn’t like you.”

Kylo narrowed his own eyes in response. He had little doubt the creatures were somehow attuned to his force potential, but he wasn’t interested in debating the point with Rey just then. “Maybe they won’t like you either.”

They maintained eye contact for a long moment before Rey looked away. “Are you angry with me for following you here?” she asked in a quiet voice.

Kylo took in a deep breath and looked skyward for a moment to sort his thoughts before exhaling and facing Rey again. “I’m too afraid for your life. Can I do anything to convince you to stay behind?”

Rey shook her head. “I want to see this through.”

Kylo’s heart and fists clenched with frustration. If Rey could not be swayed, he was done here. He turned on his heel and briskly walked away past Leia and Chewbacca, who both glanced at him with concern, but did not try to stop him.

“Hey!” Rey called behind him. Kylo heard her steps, and then she was at his side, half-jogging to keep up with his long strides. “Where are you going?”

“To my ship,” Kylo said.

Silence followed. “I want to speak with you,” Rey said.

Kylo stopped and faced Rey quietly. He could see Leia and Chewbacca eyeing them with concern further behind Rey. A frosty wind picked up, and Rey shivered before him. She had dressed for warmer weather. He was tempted to offer her his cloak, and yet… He didn’t even want to encourage her interest in him with the premonition looming. Could he somehow discourage her enough to convince her to stay behind?

“I want another chance,” Rey said. She bit her bottom lip, glanced away, and then met his eyes full on. “I'm finally in a place where I can see my feelings without being distracted by the war or the force. I want to know.”

Kylo's heart lurched. Directly hearing her desire to know him moved him, and yet, the way she phrased it irked him. “No longer afraid of what your friends would think?” he snapped, bringing up the point she had begun with when last rejecting him. He had immediately recognized the excuse for what it was, but he wanted to drive her away now, both to save her life and to protect his own heart. If she was not completely certain of her feelings...

Rey stepped back as if slapped. “Their opinions didn't keep me from risking everything for us to be together before! We had never not been enemies in their eyes.” She shuddered, though Kylo did not know if her emotions or the cold disturbed her more.

“I know,” Kylo said in a tired voice, and he found he could not intentionally antagonize her more. It was a childish ploy, even if he meant well. He tugged his cloak off and slipped it around her shoulders. Rey’s eyes softened, and she hugged the fabric to her. “I'm not sure what to think of your attempt to discover your feelings away from the force, Rey. Would you go back to distrusting them upon leaving the planet?”

Rey frowned. “I don't know,” she answered.

Kylo nodded, satisfied with her honest answer. Better for her to acknowledge her uncertainty than to persist in denial. “That's why I can't promise you another chance,” he said. He gazed at her wrapped up in his cloak. Black looked good on her. He wanted to pull her into his embrace, but there were many reasons that was not a good idea. He had to leave before he did something he regretted. “I'm going to my ship now.”

“I'll come with you,” Rey said.

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her.

“Please?” Rey added.

Kylo considered it. Rose and Hux would be there, so he did not quite have to fear forgetting himself with her. Furthermore, having her there might divert his own two friends from pestering him with questions. And if, by chance, Hux took matters into his own hands for preventing Rey from joining their journey, well, Kylo wouldn't necessarily protest.

“Fine,” he said, though he didn't slow down as he marched back to his own ship in the shipyard. Rey jogged at his side, and his cloak flapped behind her in the wind.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29  
Kylo entered his ship to find he had another ship guest, two if you counted the very content feline letting Rose rub her belly while a very relaxed Hux watched. Kylo stopped in his tracks, trying to determine why in the stars would his mother's ancient protocol droid be in his ship.

“Threepio? What are you doing here?” Rey asked as she stepped around Kylo into the lounge.

“Greetings, Jedi Master Rey and Master Ben. You are probably both wondering what I might be doing on this ship, alone, without the protection of General Organa,” Threepio said and fell quiet a moment, as if temporarily lost in his fear. “You see, I have been instructed to remain behind on this ship during your mission to care for Millicent,” Threepio announced. “Though I have no experience in feline care, I am well-qualified in caring for small, helpless creatures. As you may recall, I once served as your nanny, Master Ben, though you were much younger and smaller then.”

“He's been sharing stories of your childhood,” Rose said with a big grin. Rey looked at Rose in surprise and then focused on Threepio with interest.

Hux smirked and raised an eyebrow. “They have been quite illuminating.”

Kylo sighed deeply, leaned over, and switched Threepio off without hesitation. “Enough of that,” he grumbled, ignoring Rey’s frown of disappointment. “What have you two learned?”

“Quite a lot,” Hux said. He leaned back in his seat and folded his hands in his lap. “Like how you wet your bed past the age of 6.” Rey’s jaw dropped and her eyes shot to Kylo.

“Hux,” Kylo growled in a deep voice. Both Rey and Rose flinched, but Hux merely smiled more.

After a moment, Hux changed his focus to Rey. “He hasn’t talked you out of coming?”

“I need to know where this leads,” Rey replied.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Likely to your death, but Rose and I have some ideas. Will your wookie be joining us on the mission?”

“His name is Chewbacca, and he’s not my wookie. He’s his own person,” Rey exclaimed.

“Right, well, will your companion, who is a wookie named Chewbacca, be joining us on the mission?” Hux asked.

“Yes,” Rey said through clenched teeth. Her arm swept back as she formed a fist, and the black cloak billowed with the motion. Rey looked fierce and dark, and the sight made Kylo's heart thunder. 

Hux didn't seem bothered by Rey's display of aggression. If anything, he seemed amused. “Good. Then the wookie and I are the only ones present on the mission who are unaccounted for in the vision. Assuming the vision is exact and we aren't deceased, the wookie-”

“His name is Chewbacca!” Rey protested again, this time with Rose joining her.

Hux's eyes sparkled with mirth at their reactions. Kylo had never seen the man in such a playful mood, but he had no patience for childness given the topic. “Hux, call the wookie by his name and get to the point.”

Hux mocked-pouted and then solemned up. “Yes, Supreme Leader. I suspect that Chewbacca and I will be in charge of scouting. The jetpack you procured for us while out is rated for humanoid creatures under 6'10” and 300lb. Only one of us fit that description. I will wear the jetpack. However, wookies are famously good at climbing, so it may be that both Chewbacca and I can keep an eye out from below for any waterfalls. It was a waterfall she fell into, correct?”

“Correct,” Kylo said. 

“How tall? How much water? How loud?” Hux asked next.

Kylo thought. “Very tall, lots of water, very loud. Maybe… 10 meters across of falling water? I did not see the bottom or the top.”

Hux pulled up a holographic image of Myrkr and fiddled with it, zooming in rather quickly to an image of a gigantic waterfall and rotating it so that it was in front of Kylo. “Like this?”

Kylo's brow lifted and his heart sank as he gazed at the strangely familiar foliage and cliffs. “It matches what I remember. Are there other possibilities?”

Hux shook his head. “Not between here and the facility, which is located…” His voice trailed off as he adjusted the model and zoomed in on a nearby mountain covered in trees. “Here. Unfortunately, this was before the facility was built. The local surveyor said that later attempts to scan geographic data were met with missiles.”

“Well that explains why we are on foot in the vision,” Rey said. “What is the closest we can land?”

Hux fiddled with some settings and highlights covered the map. Red covered the area around the facility. Most of the surrounding area was orange, and green colored the developed areas in the distance. “Red means hostile. Orange is questionable terrain. Green is safe landing zones.”

“Maybe we can do a flyover of the orange areas and see if anything is good,” Rey suggested. “Can you get these maps to the Falcon for Chewie?”

Hux drew his brow together. “You nicknamed the most decorated war hero amongst the wookies Chewie? Like a pet?”

Rey's mouth opened and closed silently like a fish. Kylo sighed and said, “Actually, my dad did, and Chewie doesn't mind. Rey, it's a good plan, though we have three ships and only need one to fly us.”

“I'll take Chewie in the Falcon,” Rey said. “It's not smaller, but it is better designed to survive a bad landing than either your ship or the general's.”

Hux stared Rey down, and Kylo could practically see the cogs in his head turning. Rey and Rose both watched in confused silence until Rey burst out, “What? Do you have a better plan?”

Hux glanced to Kylo and said, “A word in private, Ren?”

Kylo nodded and gestured for the ship's exit ramp. Rey and Rose were silent as they watched the two men file out of the ship. Once outside and a reasonable distance from the ship to avoid being overheard, Kylo stopped and faced Hux. “What is it?”

Hux straightened his back and folded his hands behind him. “It may be to our advantage to have me do reconnaissance with Chewbacca tomorrow while you spend some time alone with Rey.”

Kylo bristled at the thought of being trapped alone with Rey when she hardly knew what she felt towards him, but he immediately saw several flaws in Hux's suggestion. “You don't speak Wookie.”

Hux shrugged. “So I bring the droid for translation.”

“And what of Rose?”

Hux raised a brow. “I have no doubt your mother would see fit to spend a few hours with her, given the circumstances. Rose seems quite in awe of her, and they will need a better working relationship if Rose is to represent the Resistance for eliminating the corruption of Canto Bight.”

Kylo smiled gently. He had forgotten all about the suggestion Hux had made that he and Rose work together on solving the Canto Bight issue. He was tempted to ask what the status was between his two friends, but then thought on how he would feel if he had been asked the same regarding Rey. “I don’t want to be alone with Rey.”

“Explain,” Hux said. “You’re clearly still in love with her, and she’s clearly still interested in you. Tell me why you would avoid being alone with her in these circumstances.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at Hux. “Weren’t you the one who said you would kill her if she broke my heart again?”

Hux glared right back at Kylo. “Yes, but that was before she chased you halfway across the galaxy to the location of her foreseen death just to know you better!” Hux stepped back and took a deep breath. “Ren, I understand you’re scared, but think for a moment. If she died before she left this planet, how would you feel knowing she spent her last days being rejected and avoided by you?”

“Not wanting to be alone with her is not the same thing as rejecting and avoiding her,” Kylo said, focusing on correcting Hux’s assessment to escape thinking about Hux’s question.

Hux tilted his head to the side slightly and raised a brow. “And there’s some other reason for you to completely ignore her presence on your ship? Ren, you didn’t look at her once. You only even acknowledged her to correct me on not using Chewbacca’s name. It’s not like you. Back when we were undercover, your eyes followed her everywhere.”

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. There were a lot of things he could say, but the bottom line was that he was scared. “She will survive this planet.”

“But if she doesn’t?” Hux asked again.

Grief exploded through Kylo like floodwaters breaking a dam. “I can’t lose her,” Kylo said, shaking his head as tears formed. “I can’t.” He blinked the droplets free and wondered what Hux thought of him crying like this over a woman. 

Hux firmly clasped Kylo’s shoulder with one hand and looked Kylo in the eye. “Spend the time with her, Ren. She’s as mad as you are to have followed you here given your vision, but even I can see she loves you, whether she trusts it or not.”

Kylo sighed. “I know that, but she may never trust it.”

Hux considered this with a slight frown and a nod of the head. “Perhaps. Do you trust me?”

Kylo glowered at Hux. “If you’re about to confess your undying love…”

Hux chuckled with a fierce grin. “Hardly, but I think this may be one of those times where your fear is getting in the way of your reason. Aren’t jedi and sith not supposed to feel fear?”

“Hence, why I am neither.”

Hux released Kylo’s shoulder to clap it and then pull his arm back. “Trust me. You need to spend time with her alone before we leave on the mission.” Hux met Kylo’s eyes until Kylo looked away.

“I’m tired, Hux,” Kylo said, rubbing his face with both hands.

“I know. Let me do this for you. You can always throw me against a wall later if you regret it,” Hux quipped. “Might have to wait until we leave Myrkr though.”

“I doubt I need the force to help me toss you against a wall,” Kylo retorted.

Hux smiled. “That’s the spirit. Come on, let’s head back, and don’t protest. I’m acting with your best interests in mind.”

“And your own,” Kylo said, recalling Hux’s plan to put Rose with Leia.

Hux’s smile sharpened into a wide grin. “You would be more suspicious if I didn’t. Thankfully, our interests are aligned in this instance. Now, back to the ship.”

Kylo nodded. “I'll be the one who announces the plans,” he said as they started walking back. Hux raised an eyebrow. “They're less suspicious of me,” Kylo explained. “And that way they won't question the possibility that you might use a droid present at nearly every critical Resistance and Rebellion meeting in the last 35 years for any reason other than interpretation.”

Hux barked out a laugh. “You know me well, Ren. Well, you've made your point. I expect Rey will be reassured if you are the one insisting on her presence with you.”

Rose was still fawning over Millie when they returned, while Rey watched with an expression that was a mix of confusion and amusement. “Welcome back!” Rose announced when she saw them. Rey watched them enter with apprehension, Kylo's black cloak still wrapped around her.

Kylo addressed Rey immediately. “Rey, you will spend tomorrow with me.” Rey's eyes went wide, and Rose audibly sucked in a breath of surprise, as Hux bit his bottom lip to restrain a grin.

“Okay,” Rey said after a moment.

Kylo stared at her a little longer, then nodded. “Right. Hux will go with Chewbacca to reconnaissance the area for landing options nearer the facility. Threepio will attend them as a translator. Rose, I would like you to go to my mother and address your concerns regarding Canto Bight. See if you can't come up with some strategies for how the combined First Order and Resistance powers could tackle corruption in that quarter.” Rose nodded. Kylo looked around at everyone quietly. “Any questions?” he asked after a moment's silence.

“None, Supreme Leader. It's good to see you acting like yourself again,” Hux said.

“Thank you,” Kylo said, and his heart did feel lighter. Though he dreaded what the future would bring, they had a plan.


	30. Chapter 30

Kylo crouched over in his seat and used a stick to dangle a string with a tassel at the end over his boots. Millicent poked her head out from her hiding spot beside his pilot seat and shifted weight between her back legs before pouncing on the toy. Kylo smirked as the cat gnawed on its prize for a moment before swatting at it again. Kylo released the stick to the cat.

Rey was late.

Hux had left over an hour ago with Threepio for the Falcon. Rose had left at the same time to visit General Organa. The morning sun was high in the sky now, and Kylo wondered if Rey had changed her mind again about what she wanted with him.

He sighed and stared out the viewscreen to see Rey jogging toward the ship with her hair down and wearing her usual tunic and leggings. The ramp was already lowered, so there was nothing for him to do as she reached the ship and bounded up to him.

“I'm sorry I'm late,” she said between breaths as she came to a stop leaning on the copilot seat. “Chewie asked me to show Hux around the Falcon and make sure he didn't break anything since Hux doesn't speak Wookie.”

Kylo frowned. “I thought Threepio was with them.”

“He is,” Rey said as she slid into the copilot seat, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back. Kylo had to turn his head to look at her, but he appreciated the safe distance between them.

“He's a translation droid,” Kylo reminded her.

Rey opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. “He's a droid, and Chewie hates working with droids, especially Threepio.” She faced the ceiling again and rolled her eyes. “He had some very choice words for being forced to deal with Threepio again.”

Kylo frowned. “Unexpected. I always thought Chewie had a soft spot for Threepio.”

Rey chuckled. “Oh, he does, but that doesn't mean he wants Threepio around him. So what's the plan?”

“Plan?” Kylo said. He had only planned to spend time with her.

Rey nodded. “Rose is discussing Canto Bight with your mother. Hux, Chewie, and Threepio are doing reconnaissance. What are we doing?”

Panic washed over Kylo. He gripped the arms of his chair. He searched for Millie as he took slow breaths to calm his heart. He found the cat sprawled out on the dashboard, soaking in the sun. “Getting to know each other,” he said quietly. “Is that not what you wanted?”

Rey was silent for a moment. “It is. What changed your mind?”

“Hux,” Kylo said as he breathed out his remaining tension. Rey wanted to know him. She hadn't changed her mind. He faced her and waited for her eyes to meet his. “Hux helped me realize I would regret not spending this time with you.”

Rey blushed, and she looked away to Millie, who chose that moment to roll on her back across several buttons and gaze at them. Rey pinched her eyebrows together. “Is the dashboard active?”

Kylo shook his head. “No, the ship's systems are off. She won't cause any harm.”

“You know, I never thought the same man who destroyed an entire planet system would value having a pet or helping a friend,” Rey mused.

“Hux is a complicated man,” Kylo said. He wasn't sure why Rey wanted to talk about Hux, but he also welcomed the excuse not to talk about himself. “We were rivals most of my time in the First Order. Snoke set us against each other. He knew that we would be too busy competing to consider overthrowing him. If he hadn't threatened you, Hux and I would likely have remained at each other's throats forever.”

Rey pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them to face Kylo. “I still don't understand why I matter so much to you. I watched you kill your father when he approached you with open arms and love, and yet I tried to kill you several times, I called you a monster… I've never made you laugh the way I saw you laugh with Rose and Hux. I can see that you care for me, but it doesn't make sense. Why? Is it the force? Do you feel the same way here that you did before?”

“Yes,” Kylo said without hesitation, though he was annoyed at the line of questions. “You believed in me, Rey.”

“So did your father,” she reminded him.

Kylo snorted, but his eyes fell as he felt heavy with grief. “Han Solo was a gambler and a con-man, Rey. I expect he wanted to believe in me, but he never expected me to turn. He was simply out of options.”

Silence fell in the cockpit. Kylo watched as Millie flopped over to her other side on the dashboard, lost her balance, and slid off to the floor with an alarmed mewl. Within a second, Millie had collected herself and walked off with an especially haughty trot and her tail high in the air. Kylo smirked. He understood why Hux kept the creature around.

“Rose believes in you too,” Rey said after a few seconds.

Kylo raised his brow and looked to Rey. “Do you want me to be interested in Rose?” he asked.

Rey flushed red. “No, I just want to understand why it’s me. Is it because I have the force? Because I stood up to you? Because your parents like me? Because you feel sorry for me?”

Kylo cringed and chuckled. “And what makes me a prize for you, Rey? The force? My leadership of the First Order? My blood relationship to your mentors? My ability to challenge you? Pity? These questions go both ways, Rey, but we are free of the force here, so let me ask you, what do you want?”

The corner of Rey’s lip curled down slightly, and she turned back to the viewport to look out at the other ships in the shipyard. The sun was very high now, and the sky was blue without a cloud in sight. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I wanted to survive. I wanted my parents to come find me. I wanted Unkar to leave me alone and give me fair portions for my work. I wanted to be part of a family, even if it was with an aging conman, a sarcastic wookie, and a renegade stormtrooper. I wanted to be useful to the Resistance.” She faced Kylo again. ”I wanted to save you.”

Kylo sighed. “Was there ever anything you did for yourself?”

Rey smiled sadly. “My home on Jakku… It wasn’t much, but I tried to make it comfortable. I had flowers, a doll, and flight simulations.”

Kylo chuckled. “One of these is not like the others.”

Rey grinned broadly. “I always wanted to be a pilot. The desert sky was full of stars, and I grew up surrounded by broken down ships and ship parts. I wanted to go out there. If I hadn’t been waiting for my parents, I might have flown off in a ship long before BB-8 and Finn ever found me.”

“What will you do when the war is done?” Kylo asked.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know. I wish I did. General Organa’s hinted at my opening up some kind of jedi academy like Luke Skywalker did for those with force talents, but I don’t have much patience for teaching, nor do we know anyone who needs training… not that this bothers her. She said when Luke established his academy, all sorts of people came forward who had been in hiding before.”

Kylo's heart felt too large for his chest. He wanted that. “I could help you,” Kylo said in a choked voice. “Please.”

Rey's eyes met his and traveled over his face slowly. “You wouldn't want to remain Supreme Leader?”

Kylo shook his head. He hadn't quite voiced the thought to himself, but he knew he would much rather trust the First Order to Hux and live a life away from its stresses. Helping young force users find their place in the balance and learn how to use their gift… that was heaven, and if he could do it with Rey at his side… 

Kylo's gaze took in Rey's wide eyes and pink lips. Memories surfaced of their one evening together. He wanted to kiss her, but the timing was all wrong. They had too much to figure out. He gripped the arms of his seat, took a deep breath, and shuddered as he let go of his desire. “I would like to be with you very much.”

Rey blushed, and Kylo realized that he had misspoken. He had meant to say he wanted to teach with her, but then… what he said wasn’t false, it just was more candid than he had intended.

Rey bit her bottom lip and held it a few seconds in thought. “I knew you enjoyed teaching, but I didn’t think you would want the responsibility of a school. How do you know you won’t fail the way Luke Skywalker did?” She paused and frowned. “Though I guess it’s not really a failure for you if a force user goes dark.”

“No, not exactly,” Kylo said. “But nor would it be a failure for a student to stay light. Rey, Luke failed because he tried to force his students to be something they were not. Had he accepted the darkness in us and taught us how to work with it, how to work together, we would not have strayed so far.”

“I don’t think a neutral force academy is what General Organa has in mind,” Rey said.

Kylo shrugged. He didn’t see what his mother wanted as a problem. “Rey, you and I are the most powerful people in this galaxy. Who could stop us?”

Rey’s expression twisted with dismay. “We could stop us, Kylo. Our students, if they become more powerful, they could stop us. You are not the monster Luke Skywalker feared you to be, but what about Snoke? What about the sith? How do we know that increasing tolerance won’t also lead to an increase in the monsters?”

Kylo grimaced with frustration. “We don’t! We don’t know! But we also don’t know if Snoke and the sith could have been saved, Rey. Maybe they never got the chance. Maybe all they ever knew was darkness. Maybe it will be different when they feel safe admitting they have darkness and don’t have to live in fear of their imperfections being discovered.”

Rey sank in on herself as her dismay shifted into grief. “Maybe, but Kylo, what if you’re wrong? What if it doesn’t work?”

Kylo sighed as the tension bled out of him. “I don’t know. We kill them, I suppose.” Rey took in a sharp breath, and Kylo rubbed his eyes. “Or I kill them, since you find it distasteful,” he amended. He studied her between his fingers. “Though I find it strange that this would bother you after how many times you tried to kill me.”

“You were a known enemy feared across the galaxy, Kylo. We’re talking about students… possibly even children.”

Kylo chuckled hoarsely. “We won’t kill any children, Rey. They are too young to be lost, and there are other ways of managing them.”

Rey frowned. “We would still have been responsible for the adults, Kylo. Are you really okay with that?”

Kylo took in a deep breath and blew it out. He had not wanted to talk about his knights, however… “I’ve done it before, Rey.”

“What?” she whispered.

“I’ve taken in force users for training and killed the ones who were too much of a threat,” Kylo said. “In the First Order, they were known as the Knights of Ren. To the rest of the galaxy, they were a carefully guarded secret, but they were my students.” He studied her surprised expression. “Did you really think you were the first force user I offered to teach?”

Rey’s eyes widened with surprise, and she faltered. “I… I don’t… I never thought about it. But, you’ve never said… I’ve never seen... Where are they?”

“The first knights were fellow students from Skywalker’s jedi academy. Others, like me, who had darkness in them. They left with me to join the First Order under Snoke. Some, he killed right away. Others, he sent on missions he deemed too risky to send me on.” Kylo frowned. “I have since suspected that Snoke intended to destroy them all along. Sith tradition is to never allow more than two in existence… a master and a pupil. The knights violated that tradition. Yet, he did not outright oppose their existence.”

Rey eyed Kylo warily, as if she had never seen him correctly before. Kylo was tempted to stop to protect her opinion of him, but he knew he would regret it. She had come to Myrkr to know him, and he would rather clear the air and risk rejection now than tease himself with false hope.

“Eventually, the original knights died, but not before I had recruited new ones. They are hard to find, Rey, but there are a lot of people like us out there. Force talent is not nearly as rare as the holos would lead you to think. Granted, most of them are not half as powerful as us, but they are there, and those with aspirations sought me out. The ones who wished to stop me were killed immediately. Snoke did not tolerate threats. The ones who wavered or wanted to join us were brought before Snoke and recruited into the knights with his approval.”

Kylo paused here, reliving memories upon memories of those he had been charged with delivering to Snoke. He felt a light weight in his lap and looked down to see Millicent settling in on him while gazing at him with deep eyes.She purred at him. Kylo pet her and smiled gently at her attempt to comfort him. He glanced to Rey and saw she was silent, waiting patiently with wide eyes for him to finish his story.

“As you know, not everyone brought before Snoke met with approval. I was charged with killing them just as I was charged with killing you. However, occasionally, we would find a knight who…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “Was not what we thought. Various reasons. Regardless, I was the one responsible for identifying potential traitors and taking them out.” He fell quiet and gently scratched Millie behind her ears.

“And now?” Rey asked.

Kylo sighed. “I trained them all to identify and take out traitors, Rey. They were not so naive to believe me innocent in Snoke’s death. Even Hux knew I was responsible.”

“Are the knights dead?”

“Some are. Some chose to disappear on their own. I admit I was more focused on other things than worrying about the knights following the death of Snoke,” Kylo said. He gazed at Rey. She had relaxed her knees, but her arms were crossed and held close to her. Kylo wanted to hold her hand, but between her closed posture and the circumstances he did not expect his affection would be welcome. He stared at his own hand instead, examining its calluses and wrinkles. “They are not a threat to either of us, if that is your concern. Some might even want to help us, should we form a neutral academy. The ones who remain are far more pragmatic than dark, and loneliness is what drew them to me.”

“I can understand that, at least,” Rey said. “However, I don’t think I would be a good teacher.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “Rey, you taught me to believe in myself and hope again. You are the best kind of teacher.”

Rey’s eyes widened, and her lips parted in surprise. She looked away towards the viewport, and then her eyes widened even further. “Finn?”

Kylo’s entire body tensed, and he followed the direction of Rey’s eyes to see both Finn and Poe running for his ship with blasters out. He had known from his vision that they would come, but he still felt dread at their arrival. He shoved Millie out of his lap, earning an upset yeowl from the cat. He grabbed his lightsaber, recalled that he didn’t have the force to guide him, and then unlatched a cabinet in his seat to pull out a blaster. 

“You are not allowed to kill my friends,” Rey protested on seeing what he was doing.

He sighed and finished adjusting the blaster. “It’s set to stun. I’ll knock them out, remove their blasters, tie them up, and then you can explain that we’re working together, okay?”

Rey met Kylo’s eyes for a long second and then nodded. “Okay.”


	31. Chapter 31

Kylo studied Rey as she paced between Finn and Poe, who were stunned, disarmed, and tied to the pilot and copilot seats. She checked on each for what felt like the hundredth time and bit her lip yet again. She would bruise it at this rate, and while Kylo didn’t mind how alluring the look was, he also worried for her.

“They’re fine, Rey,” Kylo said. He leaned back against the console on his hands and crossed his legs at the ankle. He took a deep breath. Despite having full control of his safety, he was worried for Rey’s feelings.

“Why aren’t they awake yet?” she asked him. “Normally stun victims are awake by now.”

Kylo sighed and closed his eyes. “Hux designed a variation on the stun gun that keeps them out longer. Makes it easier for transporting prisoners. We used it on you too, if you recall. It’s how I was able to carry you to my ship and bring you to my interrogation room in Starkiller Base before you woke up.”

Rey’s eyebrows pinched together in thought and then lifted as her eyes widened with surprise. “Wait, you were the one who carried me then?”

“You were an important mission target at the time, and though I did not know where things would lead, I sensed you were important in other ways. I did not trust anyone else to handle you.”

Rey blushed slightly, and a strand of hair fell in her face. Kylo debated moving towards her to brush it back behind her ear but was distracted when Finn moaned.

“Finn?” Rey said, rushing to his side. Finn opened his eyes briefly, squeezed them shut with a grimace, and then opened them again. “What? Where… Rey?” he said, looking at her, and then he spotted Kylo Ren behind Rey. “Mother kriffin, Rey, Kylo Ren’s here, we have to stop him!”

“No, it’s okay! Finn, please,” Rey said, but Finn wasn’t listening.

“We have to stop him, Rey! He’ll kill us all! That man is pure evil! Where’s my blaster? Wait, why can’t I move? Why am I tied up?”

Kylo Ren rolled his eyes and crossed his arms before stepping forward to address Finn. “You’re on my ship. Your blaster is safely stored away out of reach. You’re tied up because neither Rey nor I trust you not to kill me otherwise.”

Finn’s expression fell into disbelief as Rey moved to stand by Kylo Ren. “Rey, I… I don’t understand.”

“We’re working together, Finn. Not just us, but General Organa and Hux and Rose too.”

Finn’s eyebrows shot skyward. “Now I really don’t understand. What about the war?”

Rey glanced to Kylo, and Kylo sighed before speaking up. “My mother and Hux have been discussing terms of peace. I expect you know by now that Matt was me undercover, as Rax was Hux undercover. Hux took on the disguise in part to meet with my mother about ending the war between the First Order and the Resistance.”

“Your mother?” Finn said, confused.

“My mother is General Organa,” Kylo said.

Finn’s jaw dropped, then closed as his face twisted with confusion. “Wait, that actually sounds familiar. Did I know that? But hold up, you’re saying that General Organa knowingly allowed the two most dangerous men in the First Order to run around the Resistance in disguise!? Rey, did you know about this? Did Rose know?”

“Finn,” Rey pleaded.

“Mrrhuh?” Poe muttered with hooded eyes as he came to. All eyes turned to him, and he took in the situation with increasing horror. “Finn, why are Rey and Kylo Ren standing together instead of trying to kill each other?”

“I’m trying to figure that out too! It sounds like Rey’s trying to tell me that somehow the Resistance and the First Order leaders are all buddy-buddy despite the rest of us being in the dark, but that can’t be right, because that would mean they’re committing treason.”

Kylo Ren chuckled darkly and rubbed his brow. “As if you have never committed treason, FN-2187.”

Finn jutted his jaw out and glared at Kylo Ren, but next to him, Poe started chuckling himself. “Well, he’s got you there, and I’m guilty too, if I’m being honest.”

“You’re being particularly relaxed about this,” Finn said and raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

Poe shrugged as well as he could with the binding around him. “Well, I’m thinking, and I’m thinking that maybe we got it wrong, Finn.”

“Got what wrong?” Rey asked.

“Well, when we found out that Matt and Rax were really Kylo Ren and General Hux, we thought… well… we thought a lot of things,” Poe said and looked to Finn for help.

“A lot of things,” Rey echoed. “Such as..?”

“Well...“ Finn said and looked to Poe. “You know, it doesn’t matter. We thought you, Rose, and General Organa were in danger though, so we came to rescue you.”

“I’m not in danger,” Rey said. “At least, I’m not in danger from him,” she amended, and she pointed at Kylo Ren. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but he saw my death in a vision and came to my side to prevent it.”

Both Finn and Poe stared at Rey with gaping jaws. They looked to Kylo Ren, who did not contradict what Rey said, and they looked at Rey again. “That makes no sense!” Finn finally exclaimed. “Why would he care? Why would he try to stop your death? Wouldn’t that help him!?” 

“Finn! Stop giving the dark and scary man reasons to kill our friend,” Poe hissed.

Finn paled, glancing at Kylo Ren. “Right, I’m not saying you should kill her or anything, I mean. Umm… Good plan! Let’s save Rey!”

Kylo Ren glared at Finn. “I mean to end the war between the Resistance and the First Order, at which point there would be no conflict between myself and Rey.”

Confusion twisted Finn’s expression. “But the war’s not done yet,” Finn said.

Poe lunged against his restraints in Finn’s direction. “Shut up, Finn!”

“I’m releasing them,” Rey said, and she undid the bindings for Finn and Poe before stepping back, keeping herself between them and Kylo Ren. “If you are my friends and trust me, you won’t attack him. He is on our side at least until we leave this planet.”

Finn massaged his wrists and stretched his legs. “Yea, okay. It’s not like we could hurt him anyway when he can fling us across the room with a twist of his fingers using the force.”

“Finn, you really need to learn when to stop talking,” Poe said.

“Like you’re one to talk!” Finn countered.

“He can’t hurt you like that here. We can’t use the force on this planet,” Rey said, shaking her head. Both Finn and Poe stared at her in shock. Rey sighed. “Kylo Ren and I are no more powerful than anyone else here. Myrkr has these lizards that prevent force users from accessing the force.”

Poe and Finn looked at each other with widening eyes and grins. “Wait, so if I were to punch Kylo Ren right now,” Poe said, “He wouldn’t be able to fight back anymore than any other man?”

Kylo Ren adjusted himself to where he could easily slip into a defensive stance. Rey’s friends or not, he would not suffer their abuse if they took the offensive.

“Guys! Stop! There will be no fighting here, do you understand? Or did you miss the part where he’s trying to save my life?” Rey said, moving more firmly between them and Kylo Ren with her back to Kylo.

“He is a threat to everyone we know, Rey. How do you know he really means to end the war or save you?” Poe asked. “If we have the opportunity to get rid of him, shouldn’t we take it?”

Kylo raised an eyebrow at Poe and flexed his hands. Finn would be a trick to take unarmed, but Poe was not as strong a fighter when he wasn’t flying a spacecraft.

“No,” Rey said firmly. “I chose to let him live on the Supremacy, and I won’t let you kill him now. The force wants him alive, and I trust the force.”

Kylo cringed at her logic for keeping him alive. He had thought they were well past that, but then, perhaps she was not ready to reveal as much to her friends.

Rey continued. ”He won’t hurt me on this planet, and he won’t hurt either of you unless you get in his way. Don’t you get it? He knew where the Resistance was based. He infiltrated us with his fleet hiding out in orbit nearby. He could have killed every one of us if he wanted to at any time, and he didn’t. Instead, he warned me of the vision, tried to station himself nearby so he could help me when it came to pass, and used the time with the Resistance to discuss possible peace options with General Organa. Don’t you see? He’s not our enemy. Not anymore.”

Neither of the men looked particularly convinced, but they had backed down. Poe had even slumped back into the seat he had been tied to.

“If you knew all along, why didn’t you tell us, Rey?” Finn asked after a moment of silence.

Rey deflated as her tension left her, and she moved to lean against the console beside Kylo. “Initially, he did threaten to hurt me and General Organa if we told anyone else, but I wouldn’t have said anything anyway. General Organa already knew and accepted his reasons, and revealing it would only have gotten him attacked and brand me and the general as traitors. I checked all the work he had done under Rose’s direction. He had not sabotaged anything, and when it became clear how much he was worried for us, I couldn’t.”

“Well, I always knew there was something creepy about Matt,” Finn said, glaring at Kylo. “But I guess I’ll allow he's not our enemy now.”

Kylo shrugged, and Poe looked at him shrewdly. “You…” Poe trailed off, glanced at Finn, and shook his head and forced a grin. “Never mind. So what's this about a vision with Rey dying?”

Finn frowned. “You were going to say something else, Poe, and you stopped when you looked at me.”

Poe laughed nervously. “No, no I didn't.”

“Look, Poe, I saw you start a sentence, look at me, say never mind, and then change topic to the vision.”

“Yea, that vision. We should really talk about that,” Poe said with raised eyebrows and a fake grin directed at Kylo Ren.

Kylo looked at Finn's glare towards Poe, Poe's over-eager expression, and Rey's marked confusion at how her friends were acting. He sighed and explained the premonition once again.


End file.
